my so-called life

just for fun.

2012-01-18T23:58:00.000-08:00

i am now on tumblr. :)

mzhana.tumblr.com

bye 2011, hello 2012.

2012-01-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

pejam celik, we're already in the year 2012. this year i'm going to be 27! yikes!

anyway, new year's eve was celebrated like always. bbq & potluck, quality time with the usuals at my place. chilled out and watched fireworks from home sweet home by midnight. nothing much but i like it.

i think 2011 has taught me a lot about patience and to be thankful. i'm still learning though, but i think i'm more positive now than before. alhamdulillah.

dad got married middle of the year and my brother just got married recently. as for me, i am now engaged to syib for a year already. takde rezeki lagi to kawin but i guess God knows what's best for us. some of my friends are already planning to get married or even planning to have a baby. i got jealous a lil bit but oh well, no need to be so dramatic about it. harapan smoge dimurahkan rezeki for this year and wishing all the happiness for my friends. :)

some of my 'azams':

1. to study & work hard on my research to finish labworks by middle year.

2. nk jadi org yg lebih beriman.

3. to not sleep after subuh for a refreshing day?-yang ni lemah sikit. (i'm sooo not a morning person)

4. to be more positive and less dramatic/negative.

5. to be more healthy (eat well & exercise more? hmm let's see)

6. to be more happy with everything that i have.

amin amin. hope i can do this.

things that i look forward to this year:

1. hani's wedding. (glad to be her pengapit :) )

2. sue's bertandang in kl @ saloma bistro.

that's it for now. teehee. may this year brings more joy and happiness for me, mr fiance, my family and my dearest friends! amin. :)

christmas eve.

2011-12-27T18:08:00.000-08:00

selesai sudah majlis my brother on christmas eve. so tired that the next day i slept almost the whole day. lols. now i know how tiring it can be to plan a wedding. can be stressfull too. kene byk sabar and tolak ansur. but it's quite fun lah.

it's the first time experience for our family since my brother is the anak sulung. glad everything turned out well. except for lambat start and keep ppl waiting cuz the vip lambat smpai and some problems with the catering. since it's the christmas weekend, i guess everyone is either balik kampung or just going out for shopping that it causes massive traffic jam. sbb tu ramai lambat sampai to the wedding bcuz of the traffic. apart from that, alhamdulillah the flow that we rehearse byk kali was okey.

but what i can suggest is, try not to do a wedding on school holidays or festive holidays or musim kahwin. one thing traffic jam, another thing the caterer was short of staffs. i think bcuz they have other events as well.

it's a good thing for me bcuz now i have the experience of wedding planning i can plan carefully my own wedding when the time comes. weeeee.

so officially now i have a very talkative sister in law. you just can't stop berborak if u start berborak with her. congratulations again to abang & astra. may they have a wonderfull marriage and beautiful kids so i can have my own anak buah. amin!

p/s: oh i don't hv proper photos of them. let's just wait for the photographer's photo or from my cousin. :)

end of the year.

2011-12-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

milestone is pretty much on track right now. i hope i can finish up my research by middle of next year and just maybe take a while for writing thesis. been busy with analysis lately as well as helping out my supervisor with her work and dealing with financial problems with grant and so on. i seriously can be a personal assistant now. :P

i dont really go out that often now especially late nights. Nights are just for me to relax and sleep. lols. i guess i'm turning into a boooring person but nevertheless, there's a sudden urge to travel around the world! dh berangan bile kawin nk travel around with world with future hubby. i love to see other ppl's culture and way of living. opened my mind. and am also bored with the usual lepaks at mamaks or shopping malls. i want to lepaks more in the nature! more peaceful i'd say. or some other interesting activities rather than just sit down and talk.

i guess that's why i think dh jarang hang out with my friends. i miss them. sigh. hopefully can meet and hang out with the usuals and the gedz this coming new year.

on another note, i read a lot about marriages, pregnancies, babies and housewife stories now. cuz lots of my friends and bloggers i follow are already happily married and have kids. in a way, it gives me a lot of tips for the future. although i do not know when will i ever be married, i choose not to think about it so much now and guess i just have to have faith and be patience. God knows what's best for us.

so happy for my close friends that are married now. one of my closest friends, hani, are getting married soon. so happy for her and i know she's been waiting a long time too.

also, my brother is getting married by end of this week! still tak percaya. soon, he'll be leaving the house and i will have a sister-in-law who is very very talkative and super friendly (opposite to my bro). lols. the following week we'll be busy preparing for our side of reception. hope everything goes well!

ok, done with the updates! now i just want to share the place i visit last 2 weeks. if u like nature, pls pls go there. the place is very beautiful, well maintained, super clean and u get a 5 star hotel-like service. it's totally worth it! highly recommended!

with the owner, puan sri sabrina.

http://www.facebook.com/tanahaina

http://tanah-aina.com/

sue is married!

2011-10-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

she always come down to KL to attend our important events and that makes us realize, if she gets married, we're definitely going!

and so we went all the way to sabah to attend her big day. i'm so happy to see her finally found someone as she always said she's never gonna meet anyone. well, there you go! she get married first before me!

despite certain bad things happened at the wedding, i'm glad that i attended that wedding.

Congratulations again Suhaila & Akmal!

p/s: to sue, you may not have the best wedding, but i pray you have the best marriage! xoxo.

sassy september.

2011-10-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

syawal/september was so much fun. i feel like my wkeends were full of open houses and weddings! so nice to meet up with a lot of long lost friends.

main events were where two of my close friends got married! i'm so happy for them and the best part is we got the be part of it. we've been asked to be the so called 'ahli jawatankuasa' or bridesmaids to help them plan and organize their wedding. this is the 1st time experience for me, very tiring but lots of fun! informative too considering i'm planning to get married too. so many things i've learnt so far of wedding preparations.

anyway, congrats again illa & sam, eika & rico!

semoga berbahagia hingga ke akhir hayat.

Love, Hana.

still on raya mood.

2011-09-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

i hv an awesome cousin who made this awesome video of our awesome family! :)

Syawal 1432H

2011-08-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

It's already the end of ramadhan and i would like to wish you all,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

i'll be in Kedah as usual to celebrate raya but will be back to KL 2nd day of raya and continue celebrating with the rest of the family here. Although i don't have a baju raya and not many kuih raya bought this year, i'm still looking fwd to meet up the relatives and friends! Have fun ppl!

finger lickin good.

2011-08-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

my stepmum cooks so well i'm always looking fwd to what she will cook for us.

nasi dagang, lamb chop, fish n chips, sweet n sour fish, spagetthi, garlic bread, honey chicken, nasi beriyani, butter prawns. you name it.

and all she cooked are so damn delicious.

Salam Ramadhan.

2011-07-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

Selamat Berpuasa Everyone! Semoga amalan Ramadhan this time lebih baik dari sebelumnya! Amiiin.

Perceptions and Facts.

2011-07-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

i finished reading the book 2 months ago and i wanted to blog a review about it but i'm not really a good reviewer. so i just gotta say, EVERYONE SHOULD READ IT. even the non muslims! it really gave me so much more information of my own religion that i never know before or misunderstood. selama ni kt faham lain rupa-rupanya yg sebenar lain. terlalu mengikut kata-kata ustaz/ustazah/ulama yang kt anggap sentiasa betul. no matter what, we should always refer the truth to hadith/sunnah and al-quran. it's quite a heavy reading but it's worth it. it starts with articles on our daily ibadah such as puasa, solat, mazhab and so on and ended it with a more wider and serious issues like politics. In Malaysia itself pun, people dh terlalu misunderstood with Islam, apatah lagi internationally where Islam is always related with terrorism and what not.

i love to read dr asri's blog and articles because he's the type of ulama' that is so open minded, not judgemental and never been bias to anybody or to any political parties. He let us think and judge for ourselves on what's right or wrong.

Read this and u'll understand. i posted a link for one of the reviews too. :)

http://themalaysianreader.com/2010/11/02/islam-in-malaysia-perceptions-facts-muhammad-asri-zainul-abidin-matahari-books-2010/

Bandung Trip

2011-07-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

so me, hani, shira and her sisters went to bandung last week. it was a nice trip indeed. i wasn't that excited at first cuz i dont really fancy travelling just for shopping (as what they always assume what ppl do at bandung) but turns out, i had fun. i didn't target anything specific to shop there except for the kain which i realized its damn cheap wei! i bought chiffon and lining for just rm70 and cotton just rm20+! other than that, i didn't buy that much. just a handbag, clothes and souveniors for ppl. eh byk pulak. i think buying kain there is the one yg sangat2 worth it. other things not that much different.

we have a very nice (and handsome) travel guide and driver there. the experience with the driver was so damn funny mostly bcuz of communication problem. lol. i love the weather there and i kinda love the culture there. very cool and relaxing. the food was awesome too! i might wanna go there again. :) till then, enjoy the pictures!

nasi padang.

tangkuban perahu

serabi

trans studio-the new theme park

bajigur-traditional drink

things that annoy me.

2011-07-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

1. drivers yang tak reti bagi signal, menyusahkan orang. like seriously, how hard can it be?!

2. manusia yang ego tahap gaban. the one that always think he or she is right without even considering other ppl's opinions. when in a fight or miscommunication, he or she doesnt even bother to make things right (say sorry or whatever) for both sides just because they WANT to be right.

3. too judgemental/stereotype ppl. i know we humans easily judge ppl generally but always try NOT to be TOO judgemental. it's freaking annoying.

4. orang yg tknk amik responsibilities when in a group plan/dscussions or whatever. be it office colleagues, friends or families. like don't lah depend on other ppl je. think of something too!

5. org yg kononnye kuat agama tapi terlalu judgemental, which brings us back to no. 3. i know the niat baik is there. you know better and you're afraid that we might end up doing bad things over and over again. but pls, there are specific ways to do that! and remember, it's not easy to change! so bersyukur and bimbing lah walaupun perubahan tu sikit je. and pls lah pray for each and everyone of us.

6. girls that are too gedik. exspecially the ones yg too depending on their bfs/partners. seriously, handbag xleh pegang sndri ke? pintu kene bukakkan? omigoooodd. be independent lah wei. oh yg lelaki nye pn sama, why manjakan sangat ur girls? give them everything they want? that's dangerous, seriously. u're gonna have some problems later.

7. ppl that put so much hatred towards ppl. semua org pun kau tak ngam tak setuju. haiyoo God make us all with our differences lah. accept sudah. kalau tk ngam pun jgn smpai membenci, it's ridicolous! who knows u might have attitude yg lagi teruk than those ppl that u dont even realize. pfft.

8. political scene in malaysia that doesn't make sense at all! which brings us back to some of the points above. and some of the media yang focus just on one side only which is so not fair! u're giving the bad impression on the other side and then the ppl misunderstood. kenapa tak dscuss it openly without being bias? and yeah it's so hard to dscuss politics with other ppl bcuz most ppl tend to think whichever group they are in is totally right.

*sigh*

whatever it is my dear readers, pls lah try not to have all those kind of bad attitudes. i know it's hard to change but at least try. i'm trying too myself. and no matter how annoying ppl can be, let's just improve ourselves to be better and pray for us and them too. Insyaallah.

malam bulan dipagar bintang.

2011-05-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

my dad has changed over the years from being such an ego man to a well..i would say..more sensitive man. he's not the type of guy who knows how to express his (love) feelings. he never said sorry if he done something wrong. he never cried.

when my mum passed away, that was the first time in my life i saw him crying. i saw him shed tears. i saw his sad face. i can tell deep down inside how sad he was.

from that moment, i always try to give him what he needs or what he wants, to help him with anything. i'm always the one who teman him to go shopping or dinner. sampai org ingat i'm his young wife and called me datin! :P

he too has been the best dad in the world. being a single father, he tried to juggle between being a father and a 'mother'. i think that's how he got his sensitive side. he becomes more concern about our feelings. he said sorry when when maybe sometimes he offended us. he tries to take care of us just like my late mum did. he helped me with household chores and vice versa. he even cleans the house sometimes even cleans the toilet!

yesterday, he remarried.

i must admit it was shocking and really ackward at first. i was skeptical of his choice. i buruk sangka. after a while, i came to my senses. i shouldn't judge a book by its cover. nobody's perfect.

having a sort of long distance relationship, i once saw and read her postcard with classic malay language to my dad. that was when i realize how sweet they are to fall in love with each other. for her to finally found her jodoh and for my dad to found love and happiness again.

all i'm saying is, i'm so happy to see him happy.

i'm glad that i helped him plan a small, simple yet grand (grand ke?) reception of our family and his close friends. walaupun i bersungguh buat video slide show for him the night before lepas tu tak jadik bcuz of the system (hmph!) i helped him with his music compilation. i even helped him choose the ring!

May this marriage brings happines and joy for my dad and his new wife. smoga sentiasa diberkati, dirahmati & diberi hidayah olehNya, Amin.

my best friend's wedding.

2011-05-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

i don't really have a specific person who i called the 'best friend'. i dont really get how ppl define that term anyway. but, i got a few friends who i can call them the best friends, that is, the usuals. or at least a part of them. :P

this one guy, is among them who i can appreciate the most. we've known each other since we were 13-14 yrs old. been good friends ever since and he was always being there for me and for the rest of the gang. he is faizal ishak or better known as fai.

i can tell you he is very caring, very helpful and also annoying at times. lol. he was always so supportive of his friends. when i had those failed relationships, he always tell me that those guys are stupid and i deserve someone better. he is a good listener surprisingly.

last week, on 29th april, we, the usuals were so happy to be part of his rombongan. with one lafaz, he is now married to his 7 years of sweetheart, zura. that weekend of fai and zura's wedding celebration was so much fun. we got to also catch up with almost all of the schoolmates!

nikah ceremony

zura's side of celebration (30th april)

fai's side of celebration-the schoolmates! (1st May)

right after the majlis. we suprised them with our big present! hope they like it.

i am so happy for both of them. congratulations again fai and zura! wishing u guys many many happy years ahead. can't wait for the 'little usuals'. :P

cun!

2011-04-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

i really like this movie. nak tgk lagi skali! hehe.

i'm not really a big fan of malay movies but i think malay movies skrg dh improved a lot. my favourites are always the late yasmin ahmad's films, afdlin shauki's and khabir bhatia's. razak mohaideen's is a big no no for me (yek!).

personally, i dont really fancy big big blockbusters movie. i'm more of the low profile type of movie but yet gives an impact and there's a deep message behind it.

i watched the trailer of this film before and i thought 'mcm funny je..'. i knew osman ali from the previous film 'anak halal' which i watched on tv during raya (lol), it was noot bad. so i thought ok gak tgk cite ni since at tht time our plan (me n fiance) to watch merong mahawangsa tk kesampaian. didn't expect it to be the best but it turns out to be awesome!

time kelakar, kelakar gile. time sedih, sedih gile. i cried. :(

it's more on the kasih sayang between family members and a love story between a woman from town with a kampung boy. sounds typical but the way the story revolves around the funny characters makes it more fun to watch.

watch it if u like this kind of film! :)

p/s: rasa rindu kampung kat aloq setaq lepaih tgk cite ni. lol.

chin up.

2011-04-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

sad to say that in the last a month or two, i've been constantly depressed. well of course we got depressed every once in a while but this period of time i was depressed to the point that stupid ideas came into my mind. i even googled 'why am i depressed?' and thinking of taking anti depressant pills (whatever that is) and going to a psychiatrist. yeah, dramatic, i know. SO DRAMA. with ppl judging me was not helping me either.

anyway, now i think i got my positive energy back. i know i think too much and i worry too much. so i'm just gonna tone it down and focus on important things and be optimistic. looking back, i'm kinda embarassed of how i behave in front of ppl, twitter, fb and what not. i guess when i dont know who to go to, i express myself randomly and making a fool of myself. i even cried in front of lecturer?! oh my god, that was embarassing.

sometimes i get frustrated when ppl don't understand me. worse, they don't even bother. but i'm glad that i still have a few ppl around me to support me no matter what.

growing up is challenging. we face a lot of tough times and that what makes us better. look at our mothers and fathers, obviously they've been through a lot more. they know better. we make mistakes and we learn from them.

now i'm just gonna do my best in my studies and try to be the best person i can be, to the family, friends and of course my very very very understanding fiance. no more drama. i hope so.

peace y'all. :)

La Tahzan

2011-03-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

a good source of motivation when you're feeling a bit down.

maturity.

2011-02-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

'Maturity is a psychological term used to indicate how a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate and adaptive manner. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act appropriately, according to the situation'

as we grow older, we face a lot of drama in our lives. be it with family, colleagues, friends, family and even your own partner. i think maturity that makes us still living with each other even though sometimes we drive each other mad. its how we handle the situation.

there's a line in one of khabir bathia's films that said 'kadang-kadang orang yg paling kt sayang lah org yg paling susah kt nk sayang'. remember in CINTA, where the sister dealing with her stubborn lil brother who always wants his own way but at the same time she too has her own weakness of having an affair with someone's husband even though she's not happy. her lil brother ask her to end it but she didn't want to and that makes her stubborn too.

i think the line is true. org yg paling kt sayang lagi susah kt nk sayang.

the closer we are to each other, the deeper we know about each other's attitudes. the more we care about each other, the more we want to make things right for them and that makes it tougher.

i have a bunch of close friends, both my schoolfrens and my uni frens. everyone has their own good and bad attitudes. even myself(mengaku :P). sometimes the bad attitude annoys me so much that it pisses me off. most of the time i always want to just tegur and say directly how crappy their attitude is but then they got too emotional hence affecting the friendship. so because i terlebih caring and value the friendship i keep silence or try to talk to them nicely. *sigh* see how hard it is?

but that is what i call maturity i guess. its how we handle the situation. forgive and forget. keep in mind positive thoughts jela. same goes with the family. we fight with each other, we're mad at each other. but in the end things worked out well. i just dont get some ppl make something a big deal for them sampai sanggup buang or affect a relationship just for a stupid small matter thing. that's not mature.

back to the CINTA story, what i want to relate is that sometimes we tend to look at other ppl's bad attitude but we dont realize we have the same exact attitude, sometimes even worse!(this is a reminder for me too). so whenever we hate someone or judge someone, try to look back at ourself again ( yeah i shud do this too).

for me and syib, we kinda fight a lot more than we used to since we got engaged. tapi nasib baiklah matang sket tak make it worse and handle it nicely. i think this is a training for ourselves in the future. if we cannot deal with each other now, how can we deal with each other dh kawin nnti. problems mmg akan ade in any relationship or worse in marriage. again, its how we handle the situation and accepts each other's good and bad attitudes.

kalau nak asyik ikut our way je mmg susah lah. things will not always go our way. relationships are always about give and take. tak kesahlah what kind of relationship.

the good and the bad.

2011-01-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

a lot has been happening lately. good and bad. i'll start with the bad ones first.

i was (still) kinda pissed off with a close family member of mine. it started off with my engagement ceremony and it went on and on tak setel setel just because of his ego. i said my sorry and i dont wanna make things worse, FAMILY KOT!. i think i'm matured enough to think that way, to try and settle this so that there wont be any hard feelings. i know there was some misunderstanding and i thought i wanna settle it maturely, BUT, he stick to his ego and ignored me. how rude.

moral of the story: don't assume ppl are sponsoring things unless they make it clear that they are. don't accept ppl's help unless they really sincere.

and then mr fiance was cheated by a man. its a looong story but to cut it short, he promised syib to give him business, for him to generate income. he got excited and he got me excited as well. he even planned to marry me by july this year. luckily, he's not affected financially that much but both of us are affected emotionally because we already put our hopes high for this. police report was done and we hope that guy will be caught.

moral of the story: jgn percaya sgt orang even though org tu org yg plg rapat and org tu pada luarannye nampak baik yg amat. when it comes to money, ppl can evil.

apart from that, me and my family went to bukit tinggi for a short weekend getaway and we had a good time although nothing much to do there but just relaxing. we went to the botanical garden and japanese garden and i like it!

later on sunday evening, i went to hang out with the gedz (yes we have a name now, apparently) and they surprised me with a bride-to-be dinner! (altho tkde actual date on my wedding lg). they made me walk around curve wearing the tiara and the sash but i had a good time with the girls. :)

ctot's reception.

2010-12-23T21:53:00.000-08:00

last wednesday night was a beautiful wedding night for a good friend of mine. we were crazy roommates back in UTM. i still remember the days where we used to study together, watch dvds together, karaoke together and late night lepaks at alif (famous mamak in skudai). along with other close UTM friends, we often went for sleepovers at her house back in JB while her parents are not in. i was sort of close with her family too (her dad exspecially cuz he's the dean of our faculty!) and being the pengapit of the night is a nice experience even though it was the first time for me for such a grand night!. funny how she was the one who was very choosy when it comes to men and she never really had a boyfriend before. her husband is her first and last love. and how cute it is that her husband is much shorter than her cuz she is naturaly very tall. lol.

so i pray for my fren's happiness, may they always be together forever. :)

tk sempat to take the pics as i was busy being the pengapit but i managed to take a few and curik from a fren.

make up session

all set!

the pelamin

comel kan? mcm kakak dgn adik. lol. he is such a nice men and very mature in person.

the girls

i stalk this man.

2010-12-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

i knew about him some time ago. only recently that i started to read his blog and watch his videos. the fact that he is so strong despite his condition really touch my heart. and for some reasons, he reminds me of my late mother.

to fight cancer is not easy. to take care & to give support for a cancer patient is another thing.

al fatihah mas afzal & my dearest mama..

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The people most severely tested are the Prophets, then the righteous, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with the degree of his religious commitment; the stronger his religious commitment, the stronger his test."

[Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (7:78)]

go(blog).

2010-12-13T01:26:00.001-08:00

so i've created two new blogs! weeee. (semangat tk? :P)

nothing much actually but one blog is about wedding stuffs and the other is on my research.

since i'm getting married probably end of next year, i think i should already start with the preparations. and ppl keep reminding me about the venue & said 'dewan kene book awal!'. ok fine. so i start surveying the venue and secara tk langsung nye survey la jugak other wedding-related stuffs. i realize there's A LOT of things to do. so the blog is to make it easier for me to look at & share all the stuffs related and probably ppl too can share opinions & ideas! (am i too excited for this? is it too early? :P )

so the other blog is what i plan to share on my research and what i've learn along the way. there's a lot i've learnt so far, too much information that sometimes makes it hard for me to remember everything. so the blog is kinda my revision on everything i know and to link all the things/websites related to my project. it's inspired too from a professor that shares everything about his research on his blog.

so feel free to visit if u want!

http://socalledbridetobe.blogspot.com/

http://myedustory.blogspot.com/

calon.

2010-12-13T00:58:00.000-08:00

so me & my lil bro met up with (so-called) papa's 'calon'.

i dont know how to react to this. i dont know why it bothers me anyway. mixed feelings. kejap sad, kejap okey. confusing.

yeah i always wanted him to meet someone so that ade org boleh teman him. jaga him. but bile dh nmpak mcm serious ke arah tu, there's a voice inside my head that says 'mane boleh!', 'nobody can replace my mum!' and 'i can take care of him!'. another voice will go 'she's not gonna be a good wife for u!' tapi bile pikir blk, apekejadah aku nk pkir sgt nih.

i guess i shouldn't be judging ppl based on appearance or 1st impressions. nobody is perfect. so i'm just gonna go positive about this for now.

a piece of advise from a friend. 'she won't be the same as ur mom. she won't. but at least, accept her as a friend pn dh ckup'. and my fiance ask me to give him a chance and always pray good things for him.

fiiiiineeeeeeeee.

tetibe jumpe video ni.

ok. kelakar wei.

risau.

2010-12-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

i used to called my late mom a paranoid bcuz she worries about almost everything.

she worries about me driving alone at night.

she worries about me going to the shops alone (even if its just walking distance).

she worries when i go out with some random guys.

she worries when i'm sick. (she worries it'll be worse)

she worries about everything!

i sometimes thought that she was over protective and over caring.

now, i think i become just like her. i worry about almost everything. i think too much. and i become very sensitive.

and i hate it.

have u ever have that feeling when u care so much about people that u just want them to be happy and u dont want anything bad for them?

this is all so ridicolous and confusing.

crap. i feel old and i miss my mum. :(

change.

2010-11-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

i freak out sometimes when he becomes more and more (sort of) religious. not because of him, but because i'm like waaay different. it's not like he's an ustaz or something. he's just trying to be better in the hope of being a good husband, which i respect and i like. only thing is, i'm scared i couldn't be a good wife for someone that is sooo good to me. i judge myself sometimes, which i know i shouldn't because even he never judges me at all.

so i chatted with a friend of mine who's married to an imam. and she said,

".ermm ***** bkn jenis paksa terus tukar semua benda,smpi dkt 5 thn kawin pon,kita still pakai jeans semua..hehe tp bila dh kawin lain,awak syg dia lebih sbb awk isteri dia,sure awk ikut sikit2 :) sblm kita kawin pon,kita fikir benda sama dgn awk jugak :) takpe perlahan2, insyaallah"

no wonder nowadays asyik nk carik loose clothes je. tk sedar dh change a little. :P

laptop handbags.

2010-11-28T05:26:00.000-08:00

i want these...

cuz they look good, plus i dont have to bring extra bag as my handbag. get it? easier cuz i'm bringing my laptop everyday to office/lab to do my works.

but...dh carik tak jumpeee. all these bags i found on the internet are designer bags and its so expensive. i wonder where can i get one with an affordable price too. suggestions?

13.11.2010.

2010-11-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

i met him almost 2 years ago at an island. i was following a good friend of mine, puchi, for an island getaway with her coursemates of UITM. we didn't talk that much to each other while we were there unlike the others. back to our hometown, we (the others on the trip) kept in touch with each other including him. the first time we went out together, that was the time we got to know each other better. honestly, on that day, i knew that he's the one.

we quickly clicked and fell for each other. it happened also with full encouragement from wan and puchi constantly telling us that we'd make a good couple (lol. thnks guys). in just weeks (i think) of dating, we're already talking about marriage! crazy i tell ya.

he always tell me in his own way that one day, he wants me to be his wife. that i think, is the proposal. right from the beginning.

then one night, he surprised me with his plan. to get engaged a month later. no bended knee or romantic proposal like in the movies, he spoke directly to my dad. i was shocked but happy. and i think the sincerity is the most romantic thing ever.

so here we are, engaged to each other. with hope that our rezeki dimurahkan dan dimudahkan so that we can finally get married. i was worried too at first since he's not financially stable yet, but this hadis kinda change my mind a lil bit.

'tiga golongan yg berhak ditolong Allah ialah pejuang di jln Allah, hamba yg ingin merdeka dan orang2 yang ingin berkahwin'

Allah Maha Mengetahui.

raya 2010

2010-09-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

apparently, my uncle at kedah built this rakit/boat thingy for the river behind atuk's hse so we took a chance to experience the err..not so very clean river-cruise a day before raya.

spend a lot of time with these 3 little whackos. kinda miss them already.

family photo!
(abang could not make it as he just got a new job at that time and could not take a leave)

back to kl, raya-ing with mum's side of the family, anita's engagement and oh, abang & astra engagement!

and of course, the annual raya gathering with the usuals. :)

not so many open houses this year. looking fwd though for a raya gathering with the gedz (if everyone's available).

bliss!

7th September 2010

2010-09-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

hello hello!

it's been a while since i've blogged. been kinda busy with work/studies. lotsa things in mind to blog but it didn't come out perfectly in words!

anyway, i'm currently preparing for my 1st stage presentation for my masters. it took quite a while for me to actually put together everything in place, proposals and everything. one year baru betul2 faham! actually still blur2 but i think i've improved a lot. byk ilmu dh dpt. it's not that easy u know!

sadly to say, a week after raya, i got an elective class i need to attend. on weekends! both days, 9 to 5. oh well. oh and that weekend too, my family gonna go for rombongan merisik/bertunang for my brother. guess i couldn't join them. hope everything goes well with that.

and the week after, i'll be going to JB for my presentation. this one is like one of the very first big evaluation of the students. presenting the proposal of individual's research in front of all the professors, lecturers and students. dh lame tak present wei. cuak gak la. hope everything goes well with that too.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ramadhan is coming to an end! i gotta say, this year's ramadhan i've been better than before. kesedaran tu brtambah sket la. thanks to syib yg banyak bimbing. belum jadi suami lagi ni. alhamdulillah. although most of the time, i always feel like i dont deserve him and he deserves a lot better. maybe i'm still accepting the fact that a guy that nice would wanna be with me. oh well. if i keep complaining about this, i think my frens would just be mad at me. right guys?

oh and there's that one night where syib came to my hse and had buka puasa with me and my dad followed by terawih prayers together. i was simply..well, happy of course. finally he meets my dad showing how serious he is. thank god everything went well. they actually get along pretty well. :)

raya as usual i'll be balik kampung to kedah visiting my relatives there. although ramai dh yg tak balik but my dad still nk balik kampung halaman die tu, so layan jela. preparations for raya? simple je. kuih raya pun beli from friends and tk banyak like last year. had my baju raya tailored and ter-beli another baju kurung. hehe. that's it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh, one more thing. few of my close friends are planning to get married by next year. fai and fadhilah's getting married around april. another two friends (i cant mention their name) planning to get engaged by january and april. wan's planning to get engaged for a few months and nikah by the end of the year. not to forget my dearest ex-roomate is getting married by this december and i'm gonna be her pengapit! happy happy for them! but then, bila very close friends are getting married, the pressure is on! but oh well, jodoh di tangan tuhan kan. God knows well.

chow for now!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

:)

Ramadhan.

2010-08-10T02:06:00.000-07:00

Selamat Berpuasa dan Menyambut Ramadhan.

Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih diberkati.

Amin.

the sweetest thing.

2010-06-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

i just realize one thing.

maybe, just maybe, he/the other half/the bf was sent to me by God to make me a better person.

ok spiritual sangat pulak bunyik nyer. lol.

the thing is, i'm just touched and amazed of his sincerity.

he's so wanna be a good husband to me someday. a perfect husband.

betul, seorang suami tu besar tanggungjawabnya. and dah mmg idaman aku nk ada suami yg beriman dan boleh membimbing aku menjadi org yg lebih baik.

tapi tak sangka la pulak preparationnya begitu dasyat skali. terharu beb.

starting a few months ago, he was constantly learning to be better. belajar ilmu agama, cuba untuk solat di masjid everytime prayers. what's even better, apa dia belajar die ajar aku jugak. so secara tak langsung aku pn belajar sama2 which is a good thing really.

everytime we go out, die suka bawak aku pergi masjid untuk solat. macam semua masjid pun aku dh masuk. ok tipulah semua. tapi banyak la. lol.

he also bought me some islamic books which surprisingly i find them interesting to read. macam eh, tetibe je bagi. pandai pulak tu pilih buku yg sesuai dgn jiwa aku.

sometimes i feel like he deserves someone better, he is waaaay too nice but come to think of it, maybe we were meant to be with each other. bak kata orang, saling melengkapi.

lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik.

what he did actually influences me to be a better person too. i know i'm not perfect, iman tak cukup kuat, but it's never too late to change bit by bit kan?

i'm also touched that he actually tries hard to find money for us to be married. with his photography jobs here and there, selling his photos online, applying scholarships, jobs. terharu, sangat terharu. i didn't realize he was that serious.

now what i can do is doa and bersyukur. bersyukur sangat-sangat.

moga-moga Allah panjangkan jodoh kami dan satukan hati kami satu hari nanti bile sampai waktunya. Dia lebih tahu mane yg baik dan yang buruk. after all, Dia yang menentukan semuanya.

all i know is, all the things he did are the sweetest thing ever. :)

15 days.

2010-05-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

i'm back after 15 days being away. it was indeed the best trip ever. one nice, different and peaceful experience. masjidil haram is the best place to be. balik2 malaysia terus rindu. u can never get that kinda feeling here in malaysia. seronok!

1st stop was Madinah, where we spent a few days praying at Masjid Nabawi. our room from the hotel was facing directly to the mosque. view mmg baaaaik punyaaa but the sliding door to the balcony takleh bukak so x dapat nk amik gamba view masjid nabawi. pffft. the best part/place of the mosque is raudhah, which Rasulullah said one of the taman-taman syurga. sebelah tu makam Rasulullah, together with Saidina Umar and Saidina Abu Bakar. (i hope i get this right. lol. focus makam nabi je.) masuk2 je raudhah tu, setelah berhempas pulas berebut2 ngn mak2 arab yg badan2 besar tu, i dont know why, tetibe je berjurai2 air mata. sayu je rasenye. the worst part is i cant stop crying! sampailah dh keluar from raudhah tu. sangatlah pelik tapi doa je lah. oh apart from that, shopping kat madinah sangatlah menggoda iman. macam2 adaaa. and they're ridicolously cheap!

i was very nervous mase nk pegi mekah. dhlah ngn uztaz tu cite macam2, ade orang x nampak kaabah la, ade orang tetibe jadi ular la. sheessh, scary wei. time tu doa banyak2 supaya diterima. ceh cuak lebih plak kan. we arrived there at night, x silap around 10 or 11 camtu then terus pergi buat umrah. meaning sampai2 check in hotel then terus ke masjidil haram, mase tu dh almost midnight la kot. nampak je masjidil haram dari luar, ya allah cantiknyeee. mase tu dh ikut sorang uztaz yang hensem tu guide. lol. sambil bertalbiah masuk, nampak kaabah terus nangis. sayu, bersyukur, happy. smue ade. but this time leh mengawal perasaan unlike mase 1st time kat raudhah. aneh je. alhamdulillah, dptlah tawaf 7 kali and saie 7 kali. saie tu yg penat! tapi best.

so about a week kat situ, solat berjemaah jela kat masjid tu 5 times a day which is sangat seronok sbb RAMAI GILE orang pergi smayang. like every single person pergi solat. kedai2 pn tutup. kat malaysia mane jumpe camtu wei. lagi2 pahala satu solat di masjidil haram same dgn 100 000 kali solat di masjid2 lain. time suboh, mgrib and isya plg best sbb tak panas. haha. apart from that, adelah ziarah here and there. melawat tmpat2 bersejarah which i mostly dh tak ingat. pfft. nasib baikla ustaz2 hensem tu bercerita balik kisah2 nabi, baru lah dpt recall balik. it was fun! rase beruntung dpt tgk2 tempat2 tu smue.

hm wut else is there eh?

the ice cream and juices sangatlah sedap. enough said.

pak arab di madinah adalah gatal. suke2 je nk buat aku bini nombor 2 and pegang2. ape kes?

byk peminta sedekah kat tgh2 jalan. bukan tepi2 tau. tengah2. ustaz dh pesan awal2, kalau nk sedekah jgn bagi open, sbb kalau bagi sorang, semua akan datang kat kite. lol.

typical things. kurma, kacang, candies, shopping malls dea pn boleh tahan.

i guess thats about it. it was a fun trip indeed. ade perubahan? hm i hope so. slowly bit by bit. insyaallah. and i hope doa2 di sana dimakbulkan. skarang pun, i can see already some of them termakbul. alhamdulillah.

kalau dimurahkan rezeki, i want to go there again. kalau FREE, tiap2 tahun nk pegi. lol.

umrah.

2010-05-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

so i'll be leaving for umrah soon. friday to be exact. nervous gileeeeeeee but excited and happy at the same time. all this thoughts came into my mind, 'bleh ke buat ni?', 'layak ke? solat pun tak perfect'.' bende sunat2 kat sini pun jarang buat, diterima ke kat sane?'.

i know i'm not a perfect muslim. sembahyang pun tak perfect, baca quran pun tak pakar. tapi mungkin dgn umrah ni, i'll be a better person. who knows? for me, ikhlas tu penting. dalam apape pun. i'll never do anything just because ppl asked me to, contohnye, mase 1st time pakai tudung, takde sape yang suruh. it comes naturally. i just feel i wanna wear it. memang, maybe dgn pakai tudung pun, i'm still not perfect but it gets better. we can't change drastically kan. at least ade niat.

the 1st time my auntie ajak pergi umrah with 2 of my cousins, niat tu ade tapi mungkin tak terbuka lagi hati. after a while, the other auntie nak pegi so ajak skali, at first nak tanak jugak, then tetibe ade problems with my auntie's passport, kene postpone. at that time rase mcm frust pun ade. mase tu baru rase that i really wanna go.

so alhamdulillah, dapat jugak pergi on this 14th. mmg berharap sgt dpt pergi this few months sbb nk buat in my 1st semester of study-tak bz sgt lagi. kalau masuk 2nd semester, most probably dh start bz, takut takde peluang nk pegi dah. walaupun in 2 weeks time tu, byk keje boleh setel. tapi takpelah, hopefully boleh siapkan apape yg patut before leaving and lepas balik harap2 smuenye berjalan lancar.

so anyway, i wish to apologize to all of you reading this blog kalau ada salah dan silap, terambik duit ke, terambik barang ke, mintak halalkan semuanya. doakan jugak umrah ni dipermudahkan dan diberkati oleh-Nya dan selamat pergi dan pulang. Amin. :)

where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?

2010-05-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

anywhere with you.

not really my favourite weekend.

2010-03-21T06:55:00.001-07:00

alkisah keretaku,

saturday

suis tingkap cannot function properly. windows stuck xleh tutup. tukar suis = rm135

sunday

handle pintu broken. cannot open dari luar. tukar handle = rm60

(alang2) tukar minyak hitam, oil filter = rm64

total = rm259

sekian terima kasih. :(

p/s: jaga kereta MEMANG macam jaga anak. pfft!

have u ever want something so bad it makes u cry?

2010-02-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

these videos just moved me today. i watched the one with the baby story from na's blog and the other one (book of love) is tagged by wan.

sangat touching and sweet.

it makes me feel to wanna be married and have a baby (a family) so much more. like seriously tak tipu.

damn.

i guess when the time comes u'll realize what u want the most in your life huh?

love month.

2010-02-02T18:31:00.000-08:00

i dont know why but maybe this love month just suddenly makes me feel so lovey dovey angau mode. and..of course, looking at ur close fren/ex-rommate engagement pics just didnt help. ceh padahal takde kene mengene, nk jugak jadikan alasan. this are one of the moments where i always look back at this. something he gave me when we got together.

and keep on saying..

'ur time will come, hana!'.

and..

'sabar itu separuh drp iman..'

and..

'keje la weih. angau plak!'

LOL

sayangilah kereta anda.

2010-02-02T01:36:00.000-08:00

i had a car accident a few days ago. langgar honda city yg brek tibe2 and somehow i lost control pastu langgar blakang. luckily the lady tu baik and cooperate dgn begitu bagus sekali. except the fact yg dea nk jugak report polis. so agak leceh have to go to jln bandar tongah2 kl to repot.(now i know!) but oh well. experienceee.

impak maksima kat kreta tu takla sebesar impak maksima kat hati ni. and takla jugak sebesar impak maksima kat duit poket aku. lol. spent almost 1k gak la termasuk saman. *sigh* kenapelah jage kereta ni mcm jage anak orang? pfft.

lepas ni bwk ngn penuh berhemah(iye ke?). sayang doh kete walaupun viva je.

nasib tak bwk mini cooper s lagi.

atuk.

2010-01-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

my atuk passed away early yesterday morning. i was a bit shocked when achik called around 2am and told me 'atuk dah takde'. after suboh prayers, me, my dad and bro went straight to atuk's house. i was a bit sad cuz i think around last week, my dad ajak pegi jumpe but i refused cuz i was tired at that time so mcm fikir, maybe next wkeend or something. no wonder these past few days teringat2 jugak le kat atuk.

atuk died in his sleep. achik realized this cuz normally atuk will call her name or the maid's name every 5-10 mins cuz he always have difficulties to sleep. thats what the maid told me.

achik lives with atuk. she's not married. she doesnt have her own family. she took care of atuk for years. and now, when i put myself in her situation, i feel so so sad. pengorbanan achik taking care of atuk jauh lagi berat from the time i took care of my mother. i always complain before this, that i feel so alone after my mum passed away. well now, imagine achik.

bila cium jenazah atuk, rasa sedih sangat. i didn't expect myself to cry that much. things i'll always remember about atuk is that he's really a strong man. sure sakit every now and then, but he managed to pull himself together i guess. nyanyuk-nyanyuk atuk, itulah yg akan we all slalu ingat. lupe lupe atuk, but he always remember me!

atuk mmg comel. dan yg plg tak lupe, atuk mmg slalu advise cucu-cucunya, 'belajar rajin2', 'keje elok2'. walaupun every time jumpe sure kene update blk tgh buat ape skrg. and after 5 seconds, dea akan tanye balik the same question. so cute.

atuk will always be remembered. so does arwah opah. and arwah mama. may they rest in peace. semoga mereka ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 mulia. amin.

Al-fatihah Hj Zulkifli B. Abd Rahman 1918-2010.

2010.

2010-01-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

new year started with a simple celebration (well, sort of) with the usuals. nothing much but just simple eating-pizzas-playing-uno-get-together kinda thing. watched fireworks just outside my home sweet home on midnight. x payah susah2 nk pegi tempat ramai2. serabut.

for the ones yang sebaya, 2010 is the tahun suku abad weih. we're gonna be a bunch of 25 year olds! nooooo. forever 21~!

this few days of new year started dgn tidak penuh semangatnye. patut new year, azam baru, lagi semangat kan. pfft. but because of the few long weekends, it kinda affects the mood to work or study. plus, i had one of the worst pms; period pain & mood swings everywhere since last 2 weeks. so agak tak berjalan sgt la all the work/studies.

ni baru nk mule balik. i need some motivation. momentum to study tu agak lost but i know i'll find it somewhere. good luck to me~! :)

Happy New Year Everyone. :)

akhir tahun.

2009-12-27T20:38:00.000-08:00

its almost the end of the year! a few days left and we'll be in the year 2010. sungguh cepat masa berlalu.

i bet next year gonna be like the wedding year. ramai betul orang nk kawin.

as usual, azam baru tahun depan:

1. to study hard and smart for the masters. no pressure plz.

2. to stop feeling sad of my late mum (although i miss her a lot). move on plz.

3. to be more positive. buang itu negativity.

4. to stop thinking too much. lol.

hope this coming new year brings more joy and happiness to me. amiiinn. :)

sunday blues.

2009-12-20T02:09:00.000-08:00

harini aku bangun pagi dan rasa sedih sangat. malam tadi aku mimpi yang bukan-bukan. salah satunya aku mimpi arwah mama meeting up with the bf. arwah mama suka sangat aku dah jumpe somebody. tiba-tiba aku jadi emo dan sedih sebab teringatkan arwah mama. aku teringat dia kate sebelum dia pergi dia nak sangat tengok anak-anak dia kahwin. tak sempat. :(

tapi dahlah, malas nk sedih-sedih. penat.

redha, dan sentiasa doakan mama. i still have the ppl around me to make me smile. :)

mungkin itu petanda dia happy yang aku dah happy. kot. (pandai-pandai je wat assumption)

currently reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister Keeper yang cite pasal a leukemia's patient and how the family go through with it, conflicts and everything. it reminds me a lot of my mum.

so now i blame the book!

tapi nk bace jugak smpai habis sbb best. pfft.

home sweet home. :)

2009-12-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

i'm finally home! after 2 weeks away.

done with the registration. now i'm officially a student. chaiyok chaiyok!

sabah trip was good. hiking up mount kinabalu was super duper tiring, mental habis ah. ended up with sakit kaki yang amat, cracked lips, rusukku sakit dan macam-macam lagi. but it was a nice experience indeed. the view up there, terbaiks.

going down is a LOT tougher than going up. plus, dengan kakiku yg sakit, i climbed down in pain!

thumbs up to my dad cuz at his age, he managed to reach the peak and go down safely. gua lagi pancit ok. :P

we didn't go sightseeing that much cuz after the hiking part, smue dh sakit2 badan, sakit2 kaki. we did pass through Ranau town and Kundasang. Kundasang view was awesome. Then we just walk around pekan KK. we had a chance to eat seafood at one famous seafood restaurant there. crabs, prawns, fishes there besar besar gabak. the last night i was there, i met up with Sue, my dear good friend.

all in all, best la! will i go hiking up mount kinabalu again? maybe. but i need real training next time. :P

see the trail? mental mental.

this is my dad at Laban Rata, where we rest for a couple of hours before continue our journey to the peak.

on the way to the peak.

sampai puncak sudah!

more pics will be uploaded on my FB. :)

cuti.

2009-11-29T06:03:00.000-08:00

esok cuti!

for 2 weeks :) (in a way la.)

going to sabah tuesday. balik kl on sunday. the next day pergi JB for the masters registration, stay there for a week.

lotsa things nk setel for the registration. leceh betul. penjamin la, saksi la, yuran kene byr online tanak cek la, setem hasil la, medical check up la, nak follow up for the grant application lagi. pastu aku plak buat last2 minute kan. pandaaaaai.

then after that, bermulalah perjuangan saya. semoga Allah always with me. ceh mcm nk pergi war je. tapi mcm war pun ape, research kot.

(hana, pls dont quit this time. this is what u want. follow ur heart.)

budak sunyi dan pari-parinya.

2009-11-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

andaiku takdir di sini
rangkullah aku
peluklah aku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

sempatkah aku ke sana
ku takut semua
hilang bernama

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

hanya kerna cinta yang ini
aku berserah tinggi kepada-Mu

yang Maha Esa
ku butuh cinta dia

engkau yang Maha Esa
agungkan cinta ini

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

dan suatu hari nanti
akan tiba seorang
memuja cinta kamu
meminta hati kamu

rangkulkan hati itu
dan hulurkan pada Dia
tanya pada tuhan kamu
apakah dia untuk kamu?

-fynn jamal

live like u're dying.

2009-11-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

so i got the offer letter already! weeee~~

now i' m officially accepted to Program Pengajian Siswazah Sem 2 Sesi 2009/2010. registration will be on the 8th of dec and then there will be briefings on subjects,library, regulations and whatsoever on 10th and 11th. i guess i'll be at JB for a week then. yeay! bole jumpe kwn2 gak kat sane. ruby, confirmla umah ko jd mangsa aku menumpang. lalala.

i'll still be continuing my work at the cepp branch@enstek. the office gonna pindah soon to kl but not thaaat soon. probably june. excited + takuuut feeling. but this time, it feels right.

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the family is planning to go to sabah 1st week of dec. one week maybe. and the plan is to go hiking up mount kinabalu! my dad tau yg ajak. 62 years old man, still wanna go hiking. the first question was ' larat ke papa?'. hahaha. aku ni mmg la excited je bab2 adventure ni. huhu. but plan je lebih, book nye ape pun tak lagi. my dad has a fren there yg gonna arrange for the hiking part and the accomodation as well kot. so kalau everything ok, jadi la kot.

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prayers for kak sara. baru dpt tau she got breast cancer. 50% recovery. cancer can just attack anyone huh? scaryyy. tak suke la penyakit taktau punca nih. tau tau je dh ade. camne nk prevent? haruslah jage kesihatan dr skrg ye kawan2. note to self jugak tu. haih.

i heard she's in US now doing treatment. chemoteraphy to be exact. just like my mum dulu. chemo chemo and chemo. urgh benci la chemo tu yg membunuh sbnrnye. chemicals!!

oh well. what to do. dh takdir. semoga k.sara sembuh. :)

live like u're dying and never stop trying
it's all you can do, use what's been given to you

Lenka

ba wau ra nge = boring.

2009-11-08T07:34:00.000-08:00

this weekend is soo boring. tak brape nk ade aktiviti sgt la. and dgn keadaan yg berkeseorangan di rumah lagilah tak membantu kan. haih. papa, come back soon!

i was planning to go servis kete and basuh kete skali on saturday tapi in the end tak buat ape pun. pagi2 dh sibok basuh baju and kemas rumah everything pastu suddenly dpt call from One Utama, asking me to pick up the prize that i won for a contest which i dont even remember masuk pun. apparently i was the 7th prize winner for ntah ape punye contest ntah, dapatla OSIM's uPapa Massager which is quite cool tapi i dont think i'll be using it sangat sbb kuat gile ok. ni mengurut ke nk patahkan tulang orang? haha. so i guess bagi papa jela gune.

balik2 from OU, gitu gini pastu hujan. so tido la kejap. lps tu still hujan, so dh malas nk kluar and do anything. so i stay at home mengadap laptop main game. i was so bored i dont know what to do. plus i was agak marah with my brother so cam ah malas ah nk layan. dah down2 nangis2 ape smue so i went out to curve last night sorang2 do a little shopping. bought myself a bag and a blouse. huhu. shopping is a gooood therapy.

thought nk pegi tido umah my cousin sbb dh mcm tension duduk rumah, but then dh plan with hani and shira to go fish spa-ing at mid valley today morning (sunday) sbb ade coupon yg tk pakai2 lagi. and then sbb sangap we watched Pisau Cukur. funny movie. and the character Faqir is cuuutee. balik from mid valley, i'm still bored. ah bosannye duduk rumah yg sunyi sepi ni! pastu the bf lak busy and have so much to do with his family. hmmph. thank god fai and din ade, so we went lepak for a while at williams mkn chicken premium yum yum and ice blended mango longan. terbaaaik. (tetibe rase haus)

and tomorrow is working day already?! damnnn.

i wonder how my life would be bile dh buat masters. will it gonna be as hectic as i heard it would be? and i may not have time for my social life anymore? and the policy weekend means no work dh takleh pakai? damn. i hope i'll survive.

s**t la. boleh ke ni?

substitutes?

2009-11-03T17:25:00.000-08:00

if you don't have the company of your parents anymore, you tighten your faith in God or tighten your relationship with your loved one and they will work as a substitute.-blogged by Liza.

oh that is so true!

at the end of the day, it all actually depends on ourselves to change the way things are and make us feel happy again.

when i lost my mum, i feel i have no one to turn to. the only thing i could do is to turn to God. i pray everyday that God would make me stronger. i took time to recite the quran or yassin every now and then after solat. at least once a week. i've tried to prevent myself from buat banyak dosa because i always think of arwah. dosa anak2 ditanggung mak bapak remember? kalau buat byk dosa, imagine how my mum would suffer dlm kubur. diseksa sbb dosa anak2. eiissh. and it's good to always sedekah ayat2 quran utk org yg dh takde. and that's how i learn and still learning to be better.

i was never really close to anyone of my relatives i guess. always berkepit with my mum. to them, i guess i look like a shy girl and very pendiam. padahal ngn memembe totally the opposite. after my mum passed away, no doubt i was lost. luckily my aunties selalu ambik berat and ask how i was doing. days after days, i became closer and closer to them. and my cousins too. even now, i think i'm getting closer to my dad's side of relatives. dulu i thought the formality in them yg make it a bit hard to be close. tapi alaa..sbnrnye diri sniri yg kene take action to make it work.

my relationship with my dad was never that close either. at times, adelah rase frust with my dad because he doesnt act like my mum (what?). expectations melampau ek. haha. but then, lame2 i feel much much closer to him. i understand that it's a struggle for him too to be a single parent. (kesedaran hasil dari tgk cite papadom. lalala.)

and then there's him. the one who always make me happy.

so yeah, they all work as substitutes.

kenape sounds wrong eh? ok fine. kesimpulannye, kt sndiri yg membentuk life kite. bak kate ade orang tu; mcm bwk kete, kene pandang depan, kalau tak accident, kalau tak start gear, tak jalan. :)

believe in yourself.

2009-11-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

omg.stop.

2009-10-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

ah benci lah. semua pun sibok cite pasal kahwin. saje nk jealouskan la tu. diammaaah.

eceh. padahal aku yg pegi tanye2. aku yg pegi bace blog. aku yg pegi tgk gamba. sape suruuuuuh?!!

adeeei. parah dah nie.

nak jugaaaak jadi bini orang. lepas tu seteeeel. takyah pikir2 dah. tenaaaang. ade teman sentiasa. ade support sentiasa. buat keje pun leh focus. eceh. ye kee?confident dividen je.

ade orang kate, ktorg ni cepat sangat. belum pape dh gedebak gedebuk pkir pasal nk kahwin. tapi kalau dh rase it's the right one, salah ke kalau nk disatukan dengan keredhaanNya? 'bercinta lepas kahwin tu lagi bahagiaaa', bak kate ruby aka mrs jerry. yelah, name pun dihalalkan. mesti ah lagi berkat.

ok dah dah. kalau dia tau ni mesti dia marah. pkir macam2 je. padahal orang tu tgh berusaha nk carik duit. tapi sape suruh mention it in the first place?. ha ha sape yg salah.

adakah ini yg dinamakan sudah sampai seru?

i love it when u always make me laugh. :)

mal's birthday.

2009-10-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

the usuals did a bbq nite yesterday at my place (as usual) to celebrate mal's birthday. although birthday sebenar is actually tomorrow. lalala.

and my hse now dh ade name baru. bilik gerakan the usuals. sbb activity the usuals mostly buat at my hse. lol.

selamat hari jadi akmal salleh.

sesungguhnya kita smue dh meningkat tua. tahun depan dah 25. eeeeeeeee scaryyyyyyyy.

persahabatan.

2009-10-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

post ini mungkin diilhamkan dari blog seseorang. tapi post ini bukan bertujuan utk dikaitkan dengan apa-apa yg berlaku(mungkin sikit :P). post ini juga bukan bertujuan meng-follow blog seseorang itu. post ini datang dari hati. jadi ampun maaf kalau anda rase saya salah.

friendship is something yg saya sgt hargai. saya suke berkawan. saya berkawan dengan smue orang. unless org itu yg tak hingin nk kwn ngn saya. saya tak kesah. selama saya hidup, bermacam2 kawan saya jumpa. for me, kt tak sepatutnya memilih utk berkawan. mcm org cun dgn org cun je. org alim warak ngn org alim warak je. org educated ngn org educated je.

cuma mungkin susah utk kt memahami orang yg tak sekepala dgn kita. jadi kite memilih utk tidak berkawan dgn mereka. tapi manusia macam2 ragam. kt rase kt susah nk faham orang. tp cube fikir, org pun susah nk faham kita sbnrnye.

semakin kt tua, semakin kt rase persahabatan yg ade bersama kwn2 rapat kita semakin jauh. its about time maybe, at this age, semua orang dah mula melangkah ke hidup baru. smue dh ade responsibilities masing2. smue akan ada hidup masing2. tp saya percaya, persahabatan itu boleh kekal kalau berusaha dan kt mahu ia kekal. cume we need to figure out how.

saya pernah ade kawan2 rapat yg mana bila mereka ade kekasih, mereka lupakan saya. lupakan kawan2. ade juga yang pernah end up dgn lelaki yg saya pernah suke gile mase tu. saya sedih. saya marah. tapi disebabkan saya sayangkan persahabatan, saya make it work. saya maafkan mereka. saya cube memahami keadaan dan saya masih berkawan dgn mereka.

i dont really have a bestfriend. tapi i have a group of close friends yg saya sayang bangat. saya tak suka kawan2 saya sedih. saya tak suka kawan2 saya susah. saya selalu rasa nk tolong mereka sedaya upaya. saya cube tolong mana yg mampu. saya nak kawan2 saya juga happy. saya selalu doakan kawan2 saya. walaupun kadangkala mereka mengecewakan saya atau tak menghargai apa yg saya buat utk mereka.

to you and you(u know who u are), i hate to see u guys like this. i'm sure there's something that could make it work. ade orang kate lagi rapat kt dgn seseorang, lagi kuat dugaannya.

to tim, i miss u so much. aku rindu bebelan dan kesengalan ko. and how we always share our stories. mostly about families. cuz we understand each other rite? i hope ko tak lupe aku lagi.

to sitot, aku mmg kecik ati ngn ko sbb ko always busy with ur bf. takde time for us. tapi when i found out u're getting married soon and we talked on the phone, i can feel how happy u are. and i'm very very happy for u. finally ex roomate aku ni yg sgt susah to fall in love, jumpe dah 'the one' and akan dinikahkan tak lame lagi. kahwin aku nk meja VIP ok? :P

to all of u, semoga persahabatan kt kekal sampai bile2 ye. :)

awake.

2009-10-22T01:30:00.001-07:00

"imagine walking at the mall, noticing a dress so beautiful u immediately fell in love with it. u want to buy but u're scared u might not need it, u might not wear it, takut tak mampu beli, takut membazir. u have this mixed up feelings, nak beli ke tak, but u really really adore it, u want it so bad. in the end, what the heck beli jelah. bcuz u just love it. "

"it's the same thing as ur feelings right now"

this is a simple yet great advice. glad i talked to you. i feel a lot better! thank you. :)

cuakness.

2009-10-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

it freaks me out that suddenly i have all the feelings i never had before.

scared.

scared that i keep thinking about it.

scared that it might not happen the way i hope it would be.

scared that maybe i'm moving too fast.

i want it badly. i wanna have someone to always be my side. i wanna have a baby. i want my own family. i dont wanna go back to loneliness again.

i lost the one person i love the most. i cannot afford to lose one more.

not now.

oh God, pls pls pls make it work.

aaaa i miss my dad already..

500 days of summer.

2009-10-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

cuuuuteeee movie. a unique, lain-dari-yg-lain romantic comedy film.

and my favorutite scene is the dancing part. i liikeeee..!

the weekend.

2009-10-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

a fun weekend indeed.

had a small raya gathering with The Usuals on Saturday night. as we did every year since 2 years ago, wajib ambik gamba together gether with THE couch. only this year, ahli the usuals bertambah je. thanx syib and wan for joining us as well.

and oh, i so love this pic! :)

on Sunday afternoon, we went to Ili's wedding. a sweet purple and white theme colour wedding (my colour!), and she look gorgeous. met lots of high school friends there. congratulations on ur wedding, ili!

masters.

2009-10-05T21:59:00.001-07:00

"memang at some point u akan rase nak give up and tak sanggup nk continue, but kene banyak bersabar because that is the challenge and the experience lah yang akan membentuk u in the future"

huaaaaaaaa. a little spontaneous motivation talk by the lecturers yesterday. agak membuka mata la. lagi2 kluar all their experiences stories during their masters and phd. damn their days were much more difficult. wonder how they did it. and kita nowadays still complaining with all the internet and everything. no wonder la my dad malas nk layan kalau mengadu susah, sbb time die lagiiiii susah.

rasa cuak pun ade jugak. i always wonder 'boleh ke aku buat master ni?'. time buat final year project degree pun dah stres gile nangis nangis nk terjun bangunan ape smue, apatah lagi masters. damn. that question slalu bermain2 kat kepala. tapi i think, if i can go thru that, i can go thru this kot(sedapkan hati).

but actually it's fun! susah tapi fun. exspecially if it is in the field of interest. thru my degree experience, rase macam penat lelah berhasil akirnya. bcuz i discover something and i learn A LOT. exploring new things ni sronok sbnrnye, mcm cite Mythbusters kat Discovery Channel tu. damn i wish i could be part of them. they make it look so easy and enjoyable. padahal kalau tak pakar mau tak pecah kepala pkir macamane nk solve.

some ppl work just for the sake of money(mostly kot). some ppl work for experience. some ppl work to explore more in their interest and learn something from the job.

i go for the third one.

tapi nk dpt job yg kite suke BAPAK SUSAH.

so my plan is, study dulu, explore dulu, then work in a personal care industry- learn some more for a few years then do my own thing-bukak business ke ape. woohooo. cita2 tinggi aje. 1st step pun blum lepas. pffft.

apapepun..

dear GOD, please be near me all the time so i can go thru all this sucessfully. :)

berita terkini: my office @ enstek is gonna move to KL soon. how soon is soon, wallahualam.

nasi ayam.

2009-10-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

"sedap tak nasi ayam mak?"

"sedaaaap.."

"jumpe dah mak kaaan..happy tak?"

"segaaaan..."

"takpelah..dah jumpe...:)"

":)"

it was meet-the-boyfriend parent! sumpah segan nak mampos. and thanx to our fren yg lagi menyegankan diriku (wan, kalau ko bace ni mesti ko gelak2 kan? diammaaah.). dh mcm rombongan merisik dah dgn baju melayu, baju kurung bagai. 1st time kot, confirmla segan.

his mum sangatlaaaa baaaaik. mcm anaknye juge. and i'm impressed with his family, yg duduk rumah kecik je, tak mewah tak ape, tapi dah macam sempurna. happy. i realize, of course duit tu mmg amat penting untuk keperluan hidup tapi money can't buy happiness. kebahagiaan tu yg patut kt cari. kaya raya successfull tapi tak happy buatpe kan.

tp still kene la jugak carik duit. be prepared utk kehidupan seterusnye. banyak rupenye duit nk pakai for the future. haruslah usaha supaya our lives tak susah nnti. mintak dimurahkan rezeki. heh heh heh.

"kalau ade duit skrg dah masuk meminang ke?"

"yelaa..mestilaaa.."

heh heh heh. gedik tak? pedulik ape aku. happy kot. :)

when it feels right, IT FEELS RIGHT.

tapi manusia hanya merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan.

ke hadapan mz suhaila thien.

2009-09-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

i miss minah kepoh ni a lot.

tomorrow is her birthday. so if u're reading this, happy birthday babe!! haha dah 24. welcome to the club!

i still remember all the good times when we used to always share our dreams and goals in life. and like always counting the years till we get married. everytime birthday je, kire brape tahun lagi nk 'hunting'. konon2 target kahwin umur 26/27. haha. i hope we achieve smue yang kita impikan. now dah jauh, susah nk share2 dah. :(

kahwin la cepat, boleh ktorg pergi sabah ramai2 bah.

i miss u suhaila thien!

Syawal.

2009-09-25T03:04:00.000-07:00

this raya went back to kedah as usual. this year a bit longer cuz on 3rd raye we went from kedah to kelantan for a relative's wedding. JEM TERUK GILE BABAS! i'll never going there on raya by car anymore. stres! dahla on the day pegi kedah pn dah jem teruk. masuk kelantan pulaaak, bikin stres. i didn't know the traffic in kelantan on raye is thaat bad. it took us 8 hours from kedah to kelantan, and about 10 hours from kelantan to KL. 10 hours ok! boleh jadi gile duduk dlm kete lame2 sangap nak mampos. nk klua dari kelantan tu pun dh like 2 hours. kluar dr kelantan saje tau. grrrr. tamo pegi kelantan naik kete dah. :(

disebabkan stres yg melampau, i was a bit mad at my dad. sbb tak dscuss betul2 with us the trip to kelantan. i didn't want to go actually tp sbb my dad nk pegi sangat, layankan ajelah. because i think it's not really worth it, pegi jauh2 redah jem pastu pegi wedding like sekejap je. orang lain takpelah, they took the flight. pfft. me and my lil brother was not happy. balik rumah masing2 emo. terus mood raye faded.

but then mood raye tu adelah balik after beraye-ing with my mum's side of the family. pikir2 balik, maybe my dad pun didn't expect the traffic is thaaat bad and the journey is thaaaat long. and bcuz tak selalu jumpe, maybe he wanted to spend more time with them. haih. nasib baik aku masih boleh berfikiran matang. but still, no more kelantan trip on raya by car anymore!

done with the relatives, now beraye with frens plak. c u guys soon!

ade orang tu sanggup datang jejauh nk bagi kad raya. without me even knowing, letak kad raye dalam mailbox rumah. tau2 je dah ade. siap ngn duit raye shape love love plak tu. haha. so sweet! :)

rayeee. :)

2009-09-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

wishing u all

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

:)

ramadhan sudah hampir berlalu...

2009-09-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

i think this year's ramadhan i've been better. lagi rajin solat terawih. lagi tak membazir beli makanan. lagi tak banyak melepak. lagi banyak bersabar. alhamdulillah. hihi. proud of myself. except for one thing, barulah ingat nk puasa penuh. skali 'terkena' jugak akhir2 ni. damn.

meh selawat meh.

serious syahdu gile video ni.

God works in mysterious ways.

2009-09-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

awak,

thank u sangat2 sbb slalu bimbing hana ke jalan yg betul.

thank u sangat2 sbb terime hana yg serba kekurangan ni seadanya.

thank u sbb tak prnh pndg buruk kat hana and respect hana.

thank u sbb sangat understanding.

thank u sbb sayang hana.

and most importantly, thank u Allah sbb temukan kite. :)

i guess pertemuan itu is the way for me to be a better person. to be closer to God. ade hikmahnya. and i think, i improve a lot.

while i was surfing the internet, i found this doa,

"Ya Allah..jika aku jatuh cinta..cintakanlah aku kepada seseorang yg cintakan-Mu...supaya bertambah kekuatanku untuk cintakan-Mu"

Alhamdulillah.

iftar with the usuals.

2009-09-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

after so long tak jumpe together-gether, we meet again! we had our buka puasa at Manhattan Fish Market @ Ikano last sunday (seafood platteeeer sedaaaaap). did celebrate birthdays of the septemberians as well. happy birthday shaz, sue and fadhilah! i had fun, till we meet again for raye!

suddenly rindu gile babas kawan2 lame, matrix frens, work friends, semue2 la yg susah nk jumpe. rase mcm nk ajak smue skali dtg umah for raye. haha.

betul ke?

2009-09-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

('get to know yourself better' @ quizbox.com)

fynn jamal.

2009-09-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

another awesome poetess.

told u i'm into poetry songs now. (terime kasih ijan & katak sbb pengaruh aku. tak pasal2 aku layan puisi pulak. pasni kt tgk deaorg perform eh). fynn jamal & wani ardy terbaaaaaaik.

"dunia memang kejam, dunia macam-macam"

"siapa kita itu kita, cinta saja jiwa kita, kalau mereka tak suka, pergi mampos tak apa"

deep gile minah ni.

rindu.

2009-09-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

tibe2 terdetik,

mcamane ye papaku nnti? bile smue dh kahwin, dh kluar rumah, living our own lives. sape nk jage die? kesian die sorang2. :(

ble pkir pasal ni, mulelah teringat pesan arwah mama dlu.

"Jaga papa tu kalau mama takde, tengok2kan abang, ozair."

dlu slalu menyampah bile mama cakap mcm ni. mcm dh confirm takkan lame. tp smemangnye die lebih tahu yg die takkan lame. sbb tu die pesan awal2. tapi hana buat2 tak dgr. sbb takleh terime. takleh terime dan taknak terime kenyataan yg mmg mama takkan lame. in denial. mase tu pkir, mama akan hidup lame sampai tue, sampai tgk hana berjaye, kahwin etc. kate pkir positif kaaan.

sedih bile teringat. rase mcm hana tak buat ape yg mama suruh buat. rase mcm hana tak mampu nk buat semue. rase mcm hana x dpt jlnkan tanggungjawab.

kdg2 boleh rase marah dgn tuhan. 'Kenape amik die dulu?', 'Kenapa tak amik saye dulu?'. tak suke takde mak. tak best. lagi2 sorang pompuan. tapi kene faham, takdir tuhan kan. everything happens for a reason. maybe nie care Tuhan untk jadikan myself lebih kuat, lebih matang, lebih sabar, lebih responsible, lebih appreciate orang2 yg tersayang.

rindu mama bulan2 puasa ni. rindu suara mama mengaji. rindu cium tangan mama. rindu dengar suara mama membebel membazir beli barang banyak sgt kat pasar ramadhan. rindduuuu.

sekarang hana yg slalu membebel. pfft. dh jadi mcm mama dh ni. scary. tp dh fhm what u've been through all this time. slowly understands what it's like to be a mother, walaupun tak jadi ibu lagi. banyak sgt pengorbanan, mkn dalam. patutlah syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu.

am still trying to give my best. rase mcm nk suruh papa kahwin. at least i know, later on, ade jugak orang jage papa sampai tue. and hopefully he has a chance to be happy again. :)

hopefully saye juge happy. :)

*

Dalam suatu riwayat dikatakan bahwa orang-orang yang telah meninggal, mereka datang setiap Jumaat pada bulan Ramadhan. Mereka berdiri dan masing-masing mereka memanggil dengan suara sedih dan menangis:

“Wahai keluargaku, wahai anak-anakku, wahai kerabatku, sayangi aku dengan sesuatu semoga Allah menyayangimu. Ingatlah kami, jangan lupakan kami dengan doa. Sayangi kami dan keterasingan kami. Kami telah diabadikan di penjara yang sempit, kesedihan dan penderitaan yang lama masanya. Maka sayangi kami, jangan bakhil kepada kami dengan doa dan sedekah untuk kami. Semoga Allah menyayangi kita sebelum kalian seperti kami.

Al-fatihah utk mama. Semoge dikurangkan penderitaanye dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 mulia. Amin..

musim kahwin ke ape?

2009-08-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

nowadays, semua orang dah kahwin, nak kahwin or talking about kahwin. musim kahwin ke ape?!

a lot of my friends pun dah in the categories dah. munie is getting married january. aniem is planning to get married next year around april. shishi baru bertunang. ruby dah happily married, dh thinking of babies dh kot. my coursemates mmg dh ramai yg kahwin or nak kahwin. my closest niece, sofia just got engaged. and she's one year younger than me! aaaarghh ape smue nk kahwin ni?! tetibe rase jealous yang amat. boleh?

terus sms him "smue dh nak kahwin. nk kahwin jugaaaaak"

and he replied "insyaallah. doa syib murah rezeki, leh kahwin cepat :)"

ngahahaha. gatal gileee..

mmg tak ah. stabil pun tak. confirm ah lambat lagi.

i did the 'what date will u get married' quiz thingy kat facebook and guess what did i get?

NOV 25 2009.

muahahaha. tak bleh blah.

and the weird thing is, in his English class, the lecturer made an example of a sentence that said 'syib will get married in 3 months' which is..NOVEMBER! kebetulan la pulak kan. pfft. apekah petandanye itu? wallahualam.

scary je. dulu i was like "haa kahwin?! mudenye kahwin? resposibilites?! gile ah!". now it's like totally the opposite. i guess it comes with the age kot. or sbb mcm rase he's the right one. ke sbb tgk ramai sgt orang my age dh kahwin ni. haha. wallahualam.

dah dah. focus pada bende yg harus didulukan. study, career. jangan pikir kahwin. ur time will come, hana. insyaallah.

p/s: saye rase gambar ini sangat sweeeet.

15malaysia.com

2009-08-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

15 cool short films from 15 cool filmmakers (promote pulak). looking fwd for the rest.

suddenly i'm into poetry songs

2009-08-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

all because of an awesome indie musician, wani ardy. it's amazing how she could make a good song about LAMPU JALAN. sangat unik.

LAMPU JALAN

Banyak sudah
kedai lampu
aku masuk

Jika ada
yang berkenan
ku beli, ku bawa pulang

Tapi rata-rata
tidak tahan lama
fius terbakar, mentol pecah, wayarnya rosak

Kadang tiada apa-apa
cuma tiba masa
ia tidak sepadan dengan ruang dalaman

Hingga suatu malam
aku lihat dia
yang selama ini memang di situ
lain dari lampu yang lain-
bukan untuk dibeli,
bukan untuk dibawa pulang
aku mahu capai namun tidak sampai
tinggi, teguh, silaunya hebat
si lampu jalan

Blogku je ke ade problem? nape xleh edit and insert picture? grr.

note to self. note to all.

2009-08-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

Sayang,
jangan kita susah-susah berusaha untuk membuatkan semua orang suka kita. Kerana kita juga tidak susah-susah berusaha untuk menyukai semua orang.

Serta,
jangan kita sungguh-sungguh cuba menjelaskan diri kita pada orang sehingga mereka faham seratus peratus. Kerana jika orang sungguh-sungguh cuba menjelaskan diri mereka pada kita pun, belum tentu kita faham seratus peratus.

We take things as it is. The keyword here is: redha. :)

- Wani Ardy (http://waniardy.com/blog/)

p/s: her songs best jugak.

layan la zee avi weih!

2009-08-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

ok i fell in love with zee avi. right after i bought her cd. supeeeerrbb ah. layan thru youtube at first, then terus beli cd so that leh dgr dlm kete. mls nk download and burn. salute salute. layaaaan.

a little updates:

keje dh semakin busy. ade one project yg due this end of the month. so agak kelam kabut nk siapkan. best la jugak at the same time. buat 'kuih' je keje. ngahaha. as in cosmetic formulation. in this case, buat cream. malas2 lagi nk carik bilik sewa, plus hari2 ulang alik dh tak rase pape. rase mcm dekat je. kire2 pun actually belanja lebih kurang je since my car, viva, tak mkn minyak sgt pun. ulang alik ke menyewa sane, lebih kurang same je belanje actually. only maybe less penat la kot. and easier. tapi tah, takde perasaan pun. bukannye traffic jam pun. tgk camne la.

for the masters, most probably sambung la. tgh nk meng-apply pun. mcm best je. the ppl there pn sgt baik and my lecturer pun sangat la sporting dan happy go lucky. only now tgh searching for scholarships cuz tak sure ade geran ke tak. tajuk dh ade, nk buat proposal jelah.

oh, mocca is coming again! and i heard yuna is performing for the opening. october la tapi. interesting nk tgk yuna gak tu. cume the place agak tak interesting. tp mcm nk pegi jugak. hmm.

rase nk beli gitar and main gitar! serious dh lame tak main(mcm pndai sgt pun) since the strings of my dad's guitar dah putus. my brother punye pasal. gonna maybe buy the strings tak pun beli baru.

currently reading p.s. i love you. baru nk bace okeey. movie pn tak tgk lagi.

oh sudah puasa! Happy Ramadhan everyone! sorry kalau ade salah dan silap. Selamat Berpuasa!

oh my darling, honey bee
i have saved you and now that you're with me
we can make our own honey

Honey Bee- Zee Avi

a new job.

2009-08-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

wash off formulation. emulsion. microspheres. vesicles charge. delivery systems. skin condition. penetration. surfactant.

..among the terms related to what i have to study and remember.

1st week of the job, i've been studying about the projects. turns out sangatla complicated rupenye the process of the cosmetics with the skin smue but sooo interesting. excited.

next week gonna start with a project. assisting an officer kat sane. will be a busy week. ade like 60 experiments kene buat complete with report smue in 3 weeks! ngahaha. hopefully tak penat sgt. with the driving ulang alik to enstek lagi. takdela jauh sgt actually tapi carik2 jugak la bilik sewa kat sane.

for the masters, gonna apply soon. at 1st, thought nk see how the job goes, experience doing the projects dlu then decide nk sambung ke tak. since the due date nk apply is 19th august, so my lecturer told me to ' apply je dulu..'. for now, agak interested la. bt see how it goes..

chaiyok chaiyok hana!

Laskar Pelangi

2009-07-28T02:29:00.000-07:00

mimpi adalah kunci
untuk kita menaklukkan dunia
berlarilah tanpa lelah
sampai engkau meraihnya

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu
bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa
warnai bintang di jiwa

menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah syurga
bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa
cinta kita di dunia selamanya

cinta kepada hidup
memberikan senyuman abadi
walau hidup kadang tak adil
tapi cinta lengkapi kita

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu
jangan berhenti mewarnai
jutaan mimpi di bumi

menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah syurga
bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa
cinta kita di dunia selamanya

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu

a nice motivation song by Nidji. i likeeeee. although this song has been a while, baru menghayati the song after watching the movie 'Laskar Pelangi'. an inspirational story. nice one. :)

perasaan.

2009-07-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

i have a feeling that i can't even figure out why i feel that way. susah nk describe and even susah nk share it with ppl because it's hard to understand. sndiri pun confuse. and it hurts to be confuse. but what i know is, it relates with my mum and the relationship i am in at the moment.

yes i am in a relationship. but before i can say how happy i am, it scares the shit out of me. and nobody understands. i keep asking myself 'why the heck should i be scared when i'm suppossed to be happy?'. i can't help it. it comes and goes every now and then. and that scary feeling leads to sad feeling. pfft.

i think a lot more about my mum when i'm with him. in fact, i think i was stronger before. sekarang asik sensitif je and i cry more often just thinking about her. and now rase mcm senang je kecik hati with everyone. family, frens. is that normal?

my friend said 'maybe u nak ur mum tau u happy skrg but she's not there. sbb tu u terase'. maybe she's right. but i think that's not the thing. it's just that when i care and worry about him, knowing that he cares about me too, reminds me of how much me and my mum care for each other, how i took care of her and how i was scared she was gonna leave me back then. maybe i'm scared to care about someone because i dont want the same thing happen again,to lose the one i cared so much. it's awful, seriously.

i always pray before that i'll find someone almost like my mum. sort of jadi pengganti. the one who could be there when i need someone, the one where i can feel comfort and the one who could actually take care of me. i find it hard to beleive that i actually found that person. and that actually another thing that scares me. that maybe it might not turns out the way i imagine it would be. bad experiences too give bad imaginations. i've only known him for a few months and i already can see the future of me with him. and i couldn't find one thing bad about him. how scary is that?! i dont know if i feel this way sebab baru di ambang2 permulaan relationship ke ape. but serious s**t, takuuuuut.

*sigh* sape yg slalu dgr pasalku mengeluh pasal ni, sabar jela ye. can't help it. :P

i'm thankful actually. bersyukur. at least, now i have a reason to smile. but i'm struggling to put away rase takut tu. and just go with the floow. whatever happens pun, i guess i have to beleive that everything happens for a reason.

only GOD knows what's best for me.

2009-07-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

"EVERYONE IS SO IN LOVE WITH BEING IN LOVE, THEY FORGET ABOUT WHO THEY’RE ACTUALLY “FALLING IN LOVE WITH.” STOP FORCING YOURSELF TO FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW. IF THE RIGHT PERSON COMES ALONG YOU WON’T HAVE TO TRY, EVERYTHING WILL JUST FALL INTO PLACE. AND IT’S OK TO BE A LITTLE BIT LONELY FOR NOW, IT’LL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END."

updates..

2009-07-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

1) lang tengah island trip was fun. altho i think perhentian is better. untuk ketenangan, or for honeymoon ppl, lang tengah is the place. sgt peacefull. for snorkeling, perhentian is much better. made a few of new friends while on the trip. sukeee.

2) i've accepted the RA(research assistant) post at UTM branch @ enstek. which is kat area sepang-nilai sane. that branch is doing a lot about cosmetics and that's y i wanted to try. keje dlu then see how it goes. if it's really sebati dgn diri (eceh), most probably smbungla masters at the same place. now i'm just figuring out wether to stay there or ulang alik je. cuak jugak actually. i told my fren this..

" i takut la i buat salah decision lagi "

" alaa. u're young. u're allowed to make mistakes and learn from it. try je laaa."

" kadang2 i rase mcm loser gile takde direction. org lain, mcm u, dh tau dh nk pergi ke arah mane. direction u. pastu org lak kate i memilih keje. mmg i memilih pun. tp i rase i berhak ape memilih. "

"yelaa mesti la nak yg kt suke kan. the way i see it, u ade direction. u're just a bit confuse. normal la tu. i'm sure everything will be fine. sooner or later u'll find ur way"

aaah it's nice to have someone supportive. thanks babe!

so it's official. i'm gonna start work next month. august.

3) something else is official. but i'm not sure if i'm ready to tell so much about this. bcuz i'm so afraaaaaaaaaid. so happy yet sangaat takuuut. and since it happen, i think a lot more about my mother. aneh. xtau knape.

4) sue, my dearie UTM friend is going back to Sabah for good! sediiiih. we might not see her anymore. went for a so-called farewell outing and we did a photoshoot. last time take pics together la konon. thanx to our photographer, mr biys bugs, for the lovely pics!

banyak gile gamba cantek2. sukeeeeeeeee! :)

so i think that's it for now. later!

what.is.wrong.with.me??

2009-06-24T00:45:00.000-07:00

now i like looking at babies.

kenapekah??!!

24.

2009-06-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my birthday. aaa 24 already. *sigh*

not so much celebration. just a simple dinner with the usuals at Frames Cafe @ TTDI Plaza on the night before. the place is nice, the food pun not bad. thanks korang! for the dinner and the presents. i so love the cupcakes. so cute!

on the day itself, sort of celebrate it with a friend. hang out je la pun, watch free movie and stuffs. later on, i had dinner with my family at the gardens @ OU. i love the place. the food is good, the place is cantik with the decorations smue, and the service is good too. venue for next event maybe guys?

thank u everyone! sob sob..dh tuee.. :(

sometimes, not fancy gifts or big celebration, but the simplest thing could be the sweetest thing ever. thank u for making me happy. :)

the weird feeling.

2009-06-21T01:12:00.000-07:00

kesensitifan yang amat sejak kebelakangan nie. i don't even know why.

dengan everything that's been going on, senang betul emo. pastu slalu kecik ati with my dad and my siblings. family stuffs. malas nk cite.

this evening i went to my relative's kenduri cukur jambul of her newborn baby. it was the first time (i think) i hold a newborn baby. the minute she's in my arms, that very moment i saw the cute fingers,legs,eyes, smue la kecik cute gile babasnye, tah knape tah i have a feeling that..

i so wanna have a family and nak ade baby on my own!

weird. i never think like that. pastu emo sorang2 cuz i don't know when's that gonna be.

*sigh* i just wanna be happy.

the fear.

2009-06-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

whenever i feel sad, lonely or confuse about anything, it always reminded me of my mum. because she always have better things to say. and she always supported me and giving me ideas even when i don't ask for it. whatever it is that my mum said, i always feel comfort. and i feel what i'm doing is right if she support it. semangat tu lebih if she's there because she always have faith in me. takde orang lain yang boleh faham and guide me thru everything including whatever decisions i make, my career directions, love life, semua la.

maybe i was too close to my mum and that's why i had a hard time trying to live life on my own. a few months after she left, i was lost. kalau boleh hari hari nk lepak with friends. and kalau boleh rase macam nk pindah closer to my cousins and aunties so i can drop by anytime easily. but there's a part of me yg ego jugak. i don't want ppl to see me weak. i want to prove to ppl that i'm strong and i can handle this. so i keep my feelings to myself. kalau sedih, i never really pergi mengadu to anyone because i think it's stupid to still complaining about it when i should let go. normally what i do is motivating myself. keep saying things like "u're strong, hana", "u can do this" and " damn it. stop complaining. be strong and move on, hana!"

i kinda have this phobia after what happen. i'm so afraid to feel that loss again. i don't wanna lose anyone that i love again. at least not now. bile-bile my dad sakit sikit, i try to make sure he checks with the doctor and eats his ubat. thank god my dad exercise regularly and eats right, takdelah risau sangat. sometimes, that fear kuat sangat sampai takut to actually be so close to anyone. or to fall in love.

i try to take it easy. make a lot of friends but takde pun yang close gile. the one who could always be there, anytime, anywhere. maybe ade je but i tend not to be close sangat. sbb dah malas nk layan bende remeh2. buat salah sket, kecik hati. terase hati la. ugh i'm sick of that already. kan senang if we just accept everyone as our bestfrens and no one will get hurt. i mean, i love all my friends and i know where to be at whenever they need help. that's what really matters kan?

i know this is stupid. the fear. but i can't help it. and it's true whenever i get closer to a guy, it freaks me out. like EVERYTIME. tapi tak tunjuk la kan. seriously, tak tipu. but like i said, i try to take it easy. ego la konon. padahal cuak nak mampos.

i never been so afraid in my life before. and it's different dengan perasaan when my mum was sick. takut tu lain dengan takut sekarang. i don't wanna feel that pain anymore. at least bukan dalam masa terdekat.

so i pray for my family's health. i pray for happiness. i pray that God give me strength to face all of this. living life the way it should be and leave the past behind. amiin..

a beautiful quote i found..

2009-06-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

terharu bace. very meaningful.

Tak perlu mencari teman secantik Balqis, andai diri tak sehebat Sulaiman,

Mengapa mengharapkan teman setampan Yusof jika kasih tak setulus Zulaikha.

Tak perlu mengharapkan teman seteguh Ibrahim andai diri tak sekuat Siti Hajar

dan mengapa didambakan teman hidup bak Siti Khadijah kalau diri tak sempurna Rasulullah (S.A.W).

Bimbinglah dirinya, dan terimalah kekurangan itu sebagai keunikan, carilah kebaikan pada dirinya, dan bersyukurlah kerana dipertemukan dengannya, Tetaplah berdoa pada Tuhan agar dia akan terus menjadi milikmu.

2009-06-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

i really have got to stop being choosy in jobhunting..

but i can't help it! *sigh*

and then there's a part of me that wants to study back pulak. cuz i'm afraid i'll never gonna find a job that i like. to study at UTM Skudai is an option (the course there is more like what i want) but dah settle down sini, gile malas nk pegi sane. plus, i keep thinking of my dad. sape nk jage wei. seriously rumah without me for a few days pun dah macam ape dah. my brothers mmg tak boleh diharap. can't even do one thing right. and NEVER think of my dad. grr. geram!

yes, i think too much. and yes, i am very very indecisive.

for now, keep on jobhunting.

there's a cosmetic course at MPOB this August. so interested to go. tapi why oh why la the fees so expensive. *sigh*

2009-05-30T06:50:00.000-07:00

there are times when i'm out of control. i realize i didn't do the right things and i'll regret it later. sometimes i need someone to remind me all the time. it's pretty hard to be all by myself almost all the time. but i'm glad i still can think wisely.

i need to work. fast.

travel lagi!

2009-05-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

ok. i know i just got back from perhentian. now ade plan pegi pulau lagi! pffft. padahal next week ade family trip to langkawi. haha. but i'm not so excited about langkawi pun. nuthin much interesting there for me. layankan my dad je cuz he wanted to go. and then my cousin suddenly ajak pegi Lang Tengah (in between perhentian & redang). contemplating gile babas nk pegi ke tak, and i finally said..YES! hahaha. hana hana..jalan je asik. cannot tahan la. i figure time tak bekerja ni la nk berjalan kan. ok last ni last, pastu duduk umah je saving duit. :P

so i'll be going to langkawi on 5th- 8th June. probably nk pergi kursus lagi kat UTM Skudai on 9th tapi tak sure lagi. and then i'll be going to Lang Tengah on 25th-28th June. pfft. gile betul aku ni.

and then that's it. tolong jangan ajak saya pegi jalan lagi buat masa sekarang. saya ni mudah terpengaruh. muahaha.

Kris Allen wins!

2009-05-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

my favourite American Idol wins the show! although i think Adam Lambert is a better performer(for the competition), Kris was always my favourite. i think he has his own uniqueness in his performances and he's soo cutee! i love it when he sang 'to make you feel my love' and his own accoustic version of Kanye West's Heartless. way to go, Kris!

I miss Perhentiaaaaan

2009-05-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

i had a lot of fun from the Perhentian trip. dah rindu the beautiful corals, fishes, crystal clear blue water. yg best dpt tgk turtles and sharks dekat gile depan mate.

still hearing the sound of waves. pukulan ombak masih terase. lol. looking fwd for the underwater pics.

next trip: redang/tmn negara!

p/s: saye dpt berita yg kelakar dan pelik. lol.

2009-05-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

i just came back from JB (UTM) attending a short course on Herbal Product Formulation and guess what did i make..

a collection of cosmetics!

ok bukan exactly buat sniri la but we (the participants) do it together beramai2. "apa yg penting..kerjasama!" (haha wonderpets). those are body wash, cologne, massage oil, hair gel and slimming cream.

we also did foods. buat kordial,jem and coffee too. haha. the idea is to use herbs in the products. and i did learn a lot. the khasiat, the process, the methods, the formulation, everything.

during the course, i met a few of the researchers there too and i kinda get the idea of what they actually did there. mcm interesting la pulak. they even invited me to apply for a job there. tp tak tentu if i can get into cosmetics punye department la.

i am still hoping to get a job in the personal care industry cuz lg selari with what i want kot. being a researcher there mcm more to academics but i'll think about it.

apapepun, agak puas hati i went to this course. i did learn something. :)

Because You Loved Me

2009-05-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

The best song by Celine dion i dedicate to my late mum.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love i found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand i could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and i stood tall
I had your love i had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe i don't know that much
But i know this much is true
I was blessed because i was loved by you

(chorus)

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

(chorus)

Happy Mother's Day, Ma. I miss u A LOT.

May u rest in peace. Al-fatihah..

selamat pengantin barruuuu..

2009-05-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

ruby finally got married!!

yeap. from all us (UTM coursemates), everyone never thought she would be the first. Ruby the very gile2 type, gedik sket, maintain vogue tp she's not a typical girl. beleive it or not, she joined PALAPES mase kat UTM. and that's how she met Jerry, si pengantin lelaki. dari 1st year they were together, x sangke sampai ke kahwin dah.

the wedding was nice although delay lambat gile. supposed sanding 1.30pm end up sanding around 3pm. tp we all tunggu jugak semate2 nk tgk ruby bersanding. the baju was gorgeous, the pelamin was simple but sweet and ruby of course look so damn pretty.

so ruby, congratulations on ur wedding! we're all sangaaaat happy for u and kiteorg smue jeles ok!

charice the diva

2009-04-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

charice pempengco.

i adore this young filipino girl. she's only 16 years old but her voice is superbly powerful and she has a very good showmanship. i was impressed the first time i saw her sing on Oprah's show. she started singing when she was 4 and started participating in lots of competition since she was 7. go check out her videos on youtube. thumbs up!

surprise surprise.

2009-04-06T01:48:00.000-07:00

so i quit my masters. yeap u read it right. i quit.

i'm sure the big question is 'why??' kan.

well, it turns out this is not what i wanted to do. plus, when i registered before, i didn't think it thru. i think i decide too fast without thinking what really it is all about. and at that time, i was really just looking for any opportunity for me to just quit my job. bcause i hate it. except for all the good ppl la kan.

so far, i've learned that in chemistry there's several professions. research officers, quality control and formulation chemist. see, i'm more into formulation chemists. what i realize is i'm not into research sgt. or at least not now. it's complicated really. research is more into developing new things from whatever ade on earth ni. i think formulation have to be learned thru the manufacturing process and experience. the rheology, the cleansing properties, the foaming properties, yup these are what i want to learn. senang cite, by working in the industry. i also gonna attend the short courses on formulation at UTM. the masters programme there too kinda relate a bit to formulation. gonna find out more about that too.

i know. by now, ppl will go like, "macam2 la hana ni" or " rugi gile siot". well, i beleive i did the right thing. i'm not gonna waste 2 years doing something i dislike. and i don't see this as giving up as some ppl see it. i see this as choosing my career. if i'm wrong,..well.that's something i don't wanna think about right now. we have choices rite. life is all about trying and experiencing new things anyway.

as for now, jobhunting!! i know right now agak susah seeking for a job. ah well, pikir positive je la. while jobhunting, i read a lot about personal care products. trying to learn about the market and ingredients whatsoever. at least i'm doing something!

my advice to ppl yg terfikir nk amik masters, sile pikir betul2. don't do masters bcuz u don't wanna work. don't do masters bcuz u wanna have masters. don't do masters when u don't have a project in mind. and u gotta have a lot of passion if u wanna do masters. trust me. i've learned my lesson.

till then, wish me luck!

2009-03-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

everyone needs a mother. mothers understand everything.

i too need a mother.

i miss having a mother.

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter
through all the rain,
For truth that will never change,
For someone to lean on,
For a heart I can rely on through anything,
For that one who I can run to...

the weekend.

2009-03-22T04:08:00.000-07:00

yesterday, me and hani tried the fish spa at Kenko Mid Valley. at first it was geli gile okeeey. but then lame lame it actually felt good. there were small fishes and big fishes. the one with the big fishes felt better although agak scary la mase nk celup kaki tu. the fishes look so hungry. mcm menunggu je nk makan kaki orang. lol. i mean nk makan dead cells or wutever.

we went there pun cuz we got this voucher from an event. so we did it for free! i actually have 2 other vouchers, rm100 and rm50. hmm dont know nk try out which one. sorang2 plak tu. kinda interested with the body massage and the body fish spa therapy. but kinda nervous with the idea si ikan-ikan mengeremuni badanku. haha. hmm we'll see.

today, i went to the butterfly park@lake garden. saje saje mengisi masa lapang. actually temankan my fren, teha, bwk her little sister and little cousins jalan-jalan. but i think agak tak worth it the price masuk. rm8 tapi macam takde bende sangat. butterflies pun sikit je. kecewaa..

thought nk pegi jalan all the taman there. tp dah tak sempat, by the time kuar butterfly park tu pun dh pukul 6. taman-taman pun dh tutup. but i think it's a good place nk berjalan-jalan. jom jom beramai2!

i think i should do these kind of activities more often. rather than typical hanging out at the mall. dah boring! lol.

mocca-ness

2009-03-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

mocca was last nite! happy-happiness!

definitely put me in a better mood from all the stress. (still stress la jugak actually. hmm.)

que sera sera

2009-03-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

when i was a little girl, i wanted to be a singer. lol. i always sing in the shower.

when i was a teenager, i wanted to be an accountant. or an astronomer.

towards the end the teenage years, i fell in love with chemistry. i wanted to be a chemist or a chemical engineer. so i went to university and learned chemistry.

after my university graduation, i didn't want to be a chemist anymore. i'm sick of it. i wanted to be involved in some kind of job where i can interact and meet a lot of ppl. like event management or things like that.

but then i end up working in the chemistry field. and i fell back in love with it. i wanted to learn and explore more about chemistry. focusing on cosmeseuticals by the way.

while working, i too discover my interest in business. i dream of having my own business. my damn own thing.

from there, i ended up doing masters in chemistry at the moment. with the hope of developing my own thing and make a business out of it.

but then again, my interest comes and goes. things change every now and then.

sometimes i think this is not what i wanted to do. sometimes i think is my thing. sometimes i feel it's not worth it. sometimes i think it's worth it. sometimes i think it's not the right thing. sometimes i think it is the right thing. sometimes i think i should try something else. sometimes i think i should try harder.

*sigh*

oh well.

que sera sera
whatever will be will be
the future's not ours to see
que sera sera
what will be, will be

si COMEL.

2009-03-07T02:20:00.000-08:00

since 1-2 minggu lepas, si COMEL slalu datang ke rumah. si COMEL bukan kucing saya tp dea selalu muncul kat belakang rumah saya. kalau dea datang, dea suke manja-manja dgn saya. gesel-gesel badan kat saya, buat muka kesian dan sangat comel tu. sbb tu saya panggil dea COMEL. saya pun layankan aje. saya bagi dea makan bila dea lapar. saya suka main-main dgn dea. buli dea. kadang2 saya cakap-cakap ngn dea bile saya sorang2 kat rumah. saya xtaula dea kucing org ke atau kucing jalanan je. apapepun dea sgt comel. tapi dea datang dan pergi. kadang2 ade kadang2 takde. tp klu dea ade saya suka sbb boleh main dgn dea. rasa macam nk bela pun ade tp papa tak kasi punya. dea tak suke kucing sangat. actually saya pn tak minat sangat tp bile tengok si COMEL yg comel dan manja ni, cair!

oh COMEL, u're so adorable! :)

Mr Mraz

2009-03-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

last 2 nights (wed) was jason mraz's concert.

i wouldn't say it was awesome. it was just okay. don't know why, mcm tak puas hati sgt. but then i think his 'i'm yours' version that nite was amazing. we did had fun singing along. and i so love his cute dancing thingy and aksi-aksi comelnye. way to go, jason.

here's the video of 'i'm yours' from the concert.

"every little thing..is gonna be alright!"

ke-confuse-an

2009-03-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

i am so freaking confuse right now. i can't decide which way to go for my future. 24 is such a confusing age. haha. (altho blum masuk lg. still 23!)

so i called the ex-engineer of UTM CEPP and after chatting for a while, i feel that doing masters there is fun. i get to do my own cream/lotion etc! but then again i'm scared that it might turn out to be the same thing of what i'm doing here in UKM. terpikir jugak what my ex-lecturer said(CEPP is not good?). *sigh* rase mcm nk keje blk pun ade. dahla takde income!

lots of thoughts in my mind lately. macam-macam pikir.

and i haven't started on the proposal yet. pffft.

takpe hana. u can do this. everything's gonna be ok. chaiyok2!!