late 20s.

i turned 27 last friday. i realized i'm already in the late 20s. sigh i'm getting ooooold. 

was in a pms mood that week so i was sooo looking fwd for the weekend to relax and enjoy. it was a nice weekend indeed. 

had dinner with #theusualsttdi friday night then the next day me & syib went to watch madagascar 3 which turned out to be boring compared to the first two. right after the movie, we went for phone shopping! it's been a while that i'm stressed out with my blackberry (so many problems!) and i really wanted to get a new one. it's just that i don't know what phone to buy and to really find something within my budget and really worth it. i'm not really tech-crazy sangat pun but after much consideration, i decided to buy this!

it's over my budget a lil bit but i think it's worth it. i always hate touch screen phones but now i just gonna need to get used to it. so far, i'm lovin it. to smartphone users, pls share what apps that are interesting to download. :)

anyway, the next night i had dinner with the family together with syib as well. dad offered to belanja dinner so i specifically requested restoran nelayan. i love the food there! 

 the food

#theusualsttdi

all in all, i had a great time over the weekend. it was a good birthday celebration with my loved ones. hope i can achieve what i want in the future insyaallah. amin. kita merancang, tuhan yg menentukan. 

sunshine after rain.

actually malas nk cerita kisah sedih2. especially yang related to family. but last week mmg rasa sedih sangat-sangat. my parents suddenly asking and saying things that they shoudn't. seolah-olah macam losing trust in syib. and what's more hurtful is that everything they said is as if they don't trust me and my decision. mcm2 they said like 'will i hidup selesa with him?', 'betul ke he's the right one?'.emosi lah jugak 2,3 hari sbb rasa sgt frustrated. risau, marah, confuse, kecik hati sangat-sangat. but at the end of the day, i understand that they are worried. mungkin bile tunggu lama they feel that syib didn't treat me well. but he did. just that dieorg tak nampak. plus something bad happened to nda's nephew so i understand that dieorg suddenly risau sangat.(the bride cancels the wedding the night before nikah). 

talked with syib about this and we both agreed that maybe because syib pn dah lama tak dtg jumpa my parents. so they are not convinced. it's a wake up call for both of us. maybe he should spend more time with my family and i should spend more time with his family too. 

anyway, slow talked with them and opened my heart and they understand already our situation. i feel relieved. and alhamdulillah, good news is coming. it's not confirmed yet but insyaallah. :)

just like the saying, there's always sunshine after the rain. :)

Hani's big day.

Alhamdulillah. one of my besties, Hani finally got married earlier this month with her long time sweetheart, Efan. So happy for her. Gonna miss the times where we go here and there survey-ing stuffs for weddings and meeting with different vendors. pengapit yg efisyen lah katakan. i have to say this is the most tiring wedding i'm been involved in. Probably because most of the things are DIY and it's a girls wedding (duh!). Few days before the wedding me and the usuals were busy lepak-ing at her house and helped her with a lot of stuffs. Even on the reception night, tetibe je semua jadi wedding planners to make sure everything run smoothly. hehe. She turned out to be a bridzella on the big day cuz some things don't turned out the way she planned. huhu baru je cakap she's the most calm bride ever, on the big day ha kau baru nampak. 

Anyway it's a nice experience planning and helping out with her wedding. I learned a lot and yes, we must accept some things may not turned out the way we want or planned. Clash with family opinions lagi. huish jgn cakap lah. i now understand why she so stressed out with her family. Generation gap thing i guess.

Apapepun, it all turned out well alhamdulillah. Met some childhood friends and it was fun. I wish Hani & Efan the best of everything. Semoga bahagia hingga ke syurga! :)

Postgraduate.

Makin tua, makin lah malas & xde bende nk di blog. tak gitu? ok maybe just me. 

nothing much lately. just after my experiments failed, i need to find new informations to cover up my research. sort of like change the scope a bit, add-ons, to make the research i'm doing more..well..'bermakna'. i was sad at first, rasa mcm ya allah 2 tahun buat pastu takde hasil yg 'bermakna'. tp masih di tahap mempositifkan diri utk berjuang. cewah. 'sikit je lagi..'. keep telling myself that. walaupun time schedule dh lari sikit, i still wanna target to finish it by this year. altho kebarangkalian utk supervisor drag kt tu ada. 

kdg2 tu mmg rasa mcm loser gile. ape je lah aku dpt from 2 years of studies nih. rs useless kdg2. never participate in any conference before sbb xde results yg 'bermakna' (ok i jelah tau maksud 'bermakna' tu ape kot). have one conference in langkawi on july which i am scheduled to participate tp entahlahh mcm malu je nk masuk dgn results tahape hape. 

sejak zaman skolah lagi i always feel inferior. rasa sungguh kerdil diriku. i'm this type of girl yg sgt lah blur, yg susah nk faham something, yg lampi, yang tk boleh nk fikir & solve secara spontan. even smpai skrg masih ada all these things. surrounded pulak dgn kwn2 yg pandai2. lagi2 pulak ade colleague yg start masters later than me tp die dh nk habis dh. mak rasa sgt down la noks. 

tp takpelah. susah2 dulu, senang2 kemudian ye dak? *sedapkan hati* walaupun rasa jealous tgk kwn2 yg dh ade successful jobs & financially stable. i want that. i wanna have that feeling of 'successful & stable'. i wanna be a successful chemist. i wanna feel proud of myself. i think i'm far from that now.

tp tulah. this is the journey that i chose so i have to deal with it. actually seronok jd student, learn new things, flexible times. yg tk bestnya bile x dpt results yg di cari & the other thing financial la kot. have to berjimat cermat sbb duit pun cukup2 makan. 

sooner or later i will graduate. insyaallah. i'm targeting this year but gonna leave it to takdir. just go with the flow and enjoy life. cuz sblm ni target pastu frust. same goes with marriage smue. before this been targeting to get married at so and so time and graduate at so and so time lepas tu tk dpt, i feel frustrated. so now i'll try not to mengharap sgt. Allah tahu mane lebih baik kan? so chill je lah. i'm still young. *sedapkan hati lagi* 

anyway check out phdcomics.com for laughs. (comics for masters/phd students)

and oh, they have a movie too! sangatlah something i can relate to!

"not yet but within the year"

when i found out about this trailer, i laughed. this is so similar to what me & syib are experiencing. i can definitely relate to that! the delay, the things that been going on, challenges, the people around that keep asking, ppl worried about not being able to attend the wedding etc.

sama doh.

of course i haven't seen the movie and it's not even released yet i think. but i kinda have the idea of what's the story about.

i hope we won't be engaged that long. amin!

she loves him.

i gotta say i'm proud of my fiance for having his works recognised by the top photographer in Malaysia, Saiful Nang. i mean, how exciting is that? and then to be given a job by him? wow wow wee. His landscape photos has improved a lot now. although i tak reti la sgt nk appreciate photos deeply & details like him kan. but i can see the potential. lebih2 lagi, dh ber'kawan' dgn Saiful Nang skrg. who knows he can be a landscape/travel photographer then i can go travel with him! Eh?

alhamdulillah. consider it rezeki for him. and for us too. lebih byk dpt job, lebih income, then can kawin! yeay! but then obviously he'll be busy with his job than with me. :(

haih sacrifices i guess.

a friend once posted a quote:

"kesetiaan perempuan diuji bila lelaki itu tidak mempunyai apa-apa, kesetiaan lelaki diuji bila dia mempunyai segalanya"

so true isn't it?

i feel like this is one of the biggest challenges for me. to stay with him & support him no matter what. kalau ikutkan bisikan2 yg x brape elok, mmglah slalu je rasa kan best kalau i met up with someone yg kaya, yg more stable. x payah nk tunggu lama2 and frustrated every time. but then x semestinya yg kaya & stable tu will make me happy. besides, mcmlah ade org kaya nak kat aku. :P

i guess this is the time God wants me to learn rasa susah. plus mr fiance works really hard and i have to thank him for that. and i have to be really really bersyukur.

i can't wait to be married to him and i hope our marriage will work. hopefully soon. insyaallah. pretty pls doakan. :)

acceptance

last weekend i had a mamak-ing session with my sis-in-law. yeap just the two of us. my brother fell asleep while waiting for her to finish her work. lol.

anyway, it's nice to have that conversation with her. first time after a while, i had someone to talk to about things that i felt uncomfortable talking to other ppl. kind of sisterly talk kinda thing, whatever that means. i never had a sister so yeah.

we talked maturely about family issues mostly. like how there are times that me & my brothers felt a lil bit hard to accept the new 'mum'. not that she's bad or anything but maybe it's still new and we're trying to adapt to changes.

my dad has always been the kind of person who is not so sensitive, not good in communicating with us that at times we felt frustrated. but considering the way my dad had been brought up (without a father & without a real close family rltnship), it's understandable. Dad has always been in boarding schools and all so he grows up independently without proper family bonding.

i didn't like to tell a lot about this to ppl. cuz i know ppl will tend to judge my father and i don't like that. only we the siblings can judge him because we know him better. or at least i know him better. my brothers mmg x pernah nk amik pedulik. communicate pn susah. so don't ask them. lol.

i know ppl keep asking me if i'm okey that it becomes annoying now. stop that already!

anyway so the talk comes to the frustration of not getting married soon and all, stress of my studies (tht i have to change my scope), travelling experience, our dreams and so on. sad and happy.

i learn something. if i cannot accept things now the way they are, i surely cannot move forward. and i surely cannot be happy with what i have now.

and i have to learn to control my emotions because i suck at it.

so in the hope of finishing my masters this year, get a job, get married, hv kids and getting a happy family, let's have that positive vibe on! insyaallah.

p/s: no idea what's the objective of this post. just for the sake of updating. lols!