back to study

so tomorrow gonna finally start my masters. received the letter today after waiting so long. gonna register tomorrow and attend a class in the evening.

i'm happy but kinda nervous. this whole thing actually scares me. plus, ble dh lame bermalas-malasan di rumah, agak susah nk tune balik.

have to revise all the basics jugak. agak lame ditinggalkan, lupe abis.

a few of my dad's frens there. agak pressure. seems like everyone knows me too. bile call je, they will say,"ohhh..tunku hana..". mcm dh kenal gile la pulak kan.

chaiyok2 hana. u can do this. :)

SEPI

i used to have a very close bond with my mother. i think she's the only one that i talked to a lot. i never really had a good communication with my brothers and my dad. if we sit for dinner together, u'll be surprise when u see we dont talk that much. i've tried so hard but i hate that my brothers are so damn robots. we're like srangers living in a same place. my father and i too didn't really talk to each other that much. but we started bonding after my mum passed away. still, he's a man. he doesn't understand me like my mum did. and we don't really spend time like a mother-daughter do.

with that, i don't really feel the family-ness anymore. my elder brother is almost always not around. my lil brother is studying outside kl. even if he is here, it wouldn't make a difference. plus, i can't even remember the last time we actually watch tv together. or joke around together. so i'm stuck in a family yang sangat sangat sepi.

lately, i spend more time with my cousins, aunties and uncles (mum's side) because with them, i feel a family. i feel happy. and sometimes i feel like the mother-daughter relationship again with my aunties. but sometimes, i don't know why, i feel guilty. it's like i betrayed my own family. i rather spend time with them than my own family cuz there's just no fun at home anymore. there's no home. seriously, i think i talk much more with my cousins than my brothers. i think my cousins know me more. now nak blame siapa?

i always think of my dad. i never seen my dad so sad. he's really really upset. and i couldn't do much to support him. i can't even support myself. my brothers? tak pernah kisah pun semua ni. or they did but they're just keeping it to themselves which makes my life harder.

i'm so jealous to see happy-happy family around. i wish my family could be that way too.

but me being the person who always try to look at the bright side, at least i still have a family. at least i dont have much problems like anybody else who does.

i understand that life is not perfect. and life is never fair.

Happy New Year!

it's the beginning of 2009 and the end of 2008.

i have been through ups and downs for 2008. the worst part was when my mum passed away. it's been 5 months since that day and i still haven't fully recovered. imagine losing the only person on earth who is so damn close to u and u know how i feel. but after all i've been through, i guess every single experience makes me stronger. and i'm glad that i still have families and friends who supported me secara langsung dan tak langsung. Tuhan sentiasa tolong kita kalau kita ingat kat Dia.

this new year, i wish i could be stronger than ever. i hope all my hopes and dreams will be fulfilled. i hope this new year will bring me more happiness. i just wanna be happy. amin..

Happy New Year everyone. :)

a week trip to pd and kuantan was fun. first, i went to seremban to meet up with tim and then off to PD. we just went there to hang out for a while and sort of share our problems which is more or less the same. ok, her problems is much more complicated. nuff said. and then last minute plan, i went to kuantan to hang out with my cousins and also my auntie and uncle who lives there. the plan was actually about 3 days but i get so lazy to come home so i stayed there for almost a week.

conclusion:
air laut + pantai + air terjun = ketenangan
(even if you just sit there and do nothing)

jealousy

i just found out about this. dh lame tak follow gossips. oh david cook ku!

am i right?

why la i'm so worried about pursuing my masters?

i still have doubts whether this is the right decision. i dont know why i feel this way. maybe i think too much.

you see, i am very interested in product formulation. i have a dream that one day i might create my own product. but according to them (the experts), product formulation is just basics. not worth for masters program. so my proposal dah tak boleh pakai. i have to figure something else. tapi tak terfigure-figure sampai skrg. and i probably start in about 1 minggu lebih kot. register on 18th of this month. hoping la jugak start lmbt sket. boleh cuti lebih while still figuring out what to do on my project.

i ask a few of my friends yg buat master. they said it's normal that mase first sem still figuring out what to do. but still i dont feel comfortable not knowing what to do. at least i should have something and then start to discuss it with the lecturers later.

otak dh lame tak pakai kot. tu yg agak lembabs nk dpt idea tu. i've read articles, journals tp still blur. pfft. plus i think the basics of chemistry pun dah lupe. kene study balik ni. hoh back to study!

sometimes fikir balik. i dont wanna be a student anymore. i wanna be org yg berkerjaya(konon!). tp nk dptkan the work yg betul2 minat, super duper susah. and i can't wait. that's why i figure to do masters because at least i can learn to do what i'm interested in. takla tertunggu2 sampai dpt keje in that field baru nk blaja.

time is running out. i have a plan. my plan is, before i'm 30, i hope to be stable. i hope to be in a job that i love. i hope to be specialized in the field that i love. so if i wait until i got the job that i want, tak sempat kot. am i right? tell me i'm right plz.

i'm 23 now. going to be 24 next year. masters program probably 2 years maximum. bergantung pada kelajuan bekerja, bak kate Ruby. so i will be 25 by then. 5 more years to plan for the future. nk ade business lagi. hopefully before 30 dh start slowly la. hoh cita2 tinggi ni! iyo2 je aku ni. apapepun, i still got to have a job. nk carik duit gak beb. takde duit camne nk wat business. plus nk pay back my dad. bersusah payah kuar duit for me. hopefully dpt keje in a company yg buat personal care products la. if not into business pun, at least i'm in that area. i know i'm not that pandai in the business world, finance, invest whatever semue tu. but i'm learning.

see how time is so precious? hidup kene plan beb.

so back to the question. am i making the right decision?

goodbye Syncoates. :(

yesterday was my last day working at Syncoates. it's been a great experience working there as all the ppl there was very very nice. mr lim, bos paling baik di dunia. hariz and hatta, my fellow seniors in the R&D team, they helped me a lot. although bermacam krisis but i had so much fun working with them. all the ppl there is like a family to me. i'm sure gonna miss them. yang terharunye siap ade yg bagi hadiah. didn't know i meant that much to them. a lot of memories there for sure. sedih. :(



the ladies yg sentiasa kepoh (some of them)


and these guys. teman lepak minum, teman lunch, teman gosip, teman everything.


Hariz, the closest one i think. talk and share with him a lot. very the abang-ness.


Hatta, the very philosophical one. ask him anything, kuarlah bermcm falsafah. annoying sometimes.


shahrul, the one yg slalu teruja ngn politik. info politics smue dtg dr dia. org PAS ni.


arohim, paling ceria dia ni. very friendly. suke katai org. yes,i'm always the victim.


*sigh*

:(

ah well, gonna start a new life soon. wish me luck!