cuak siot!

i'm scared.i'm freaking scared.

it's like i'm not ready for the real life yet.i'm not ready to be 'berkerjaya' as what some of my frens said. i mean, i want to be successfull tp nk mule bekerja tuh..cuak siot!!

the thing is, i have a very very loooww self esteem. seriously.

be4 this, even worse! but after my mum's sick, i became a lil bit stronger. yerla cuz i have to be strong to make my mum strong.

tp tula..it's like in everything that i do, wat salah sket, i feel teribble already. i feel bad about myself. terase bodoh la, life sucks la.tah pape jela kan.

i need motivation.like serius motivation.something that could make me stronger. something yg bole menguatkan semangat. something that could push me. or maybe someone.

i admire those yg dtg from family yg susah. from kampung. cuz they have motivation. they all bersungguh to study hard and bersungguh carik duit to help their family. unlike me, i dont have that sort of motivation. lagi tension ade la. mcm dibayangi oleh my dad's achivements. ppl would think, why am i not like my father?

maybe its just the way i think. i need to change.

i need help.

yeeah i know.the best help is from myself.i need to help myself.

*sigh*