i don't know if i still beleive in the term 'best friend' but i have to admit i miss having someone to be called a 'best friend'. for me, a true fren is someone who will always be there for u through ur ups and downs. the one who can give u strength and support in whatever u do and the one who cared so much about u that they don't hang out with u just because they have to but because they really wanted to.
lately, i feel like i'm lacking all that. i feel so jealous when i see ppl hanging out with their 'bestfren/s'. but then again, maybe i was too looking for perfection. maybe i wanted the attention so much that i feel i wanted someone to be with me everytime. i don't blame anyone. maybe it's just my thinking. i think about it so much i guess. the fact that i'm single unlike most of my frens might be one of the reasons i feel this way. but i thank god i still have my super duper cool frens. i feel love around me whenever i'm hanging out with my frens. i hope we'll be frens until we're married and have a family. insyaallah. to my frens who've accepted me as ur best friend, thank u so much. it means a lot. sorry if i did hurt anyone's feeling. i'm still confuse.
despite this, i do actually have someone who can truly be called a 'best friend'. that is my MUM. she's the only one i could turn to whenever i'm down. she could give me strengh and support in everything i do. we could have fun together and discuss about anything. well, almost. she'll be there, anytime, anywhere. before my mum is diagnosed with leukemia, i always 'mengadu' to her whenever i have problems. i will cry and she'll comfort me. but ever since she got sick, i don't actually 'mengadu' to her that much anymore because i know she has bigger problems herself. i don't want to burden her more with my problems. as i always have self esteem problems, i just kept it to myself. sometimes i just cry alone in my room just to let go of the feeling. my mum too always feeling down just like i do but she always acted strong in front of her kids. even when she's in the hospital when i was taking care of her, she always think of me first even though she's the one who should be taken care of.
i'm happy to see her smile again now. despite all the treatments, she is not 100% cure. although she's healthy now, i always have these thoughts.."will she be there when i'm married?","will she be there when i have babies?", "will she be there when i have to face a lot more dugaan in the future?", "will she be there when i'm successfull?" i once cried so hard because i was so scared i might lose her. day after day now, i try to spent as much time as i can with her.
well, everything happens for a reason. ade hikmahnye smue ni. i became a bit stronger. i learn to become a better daughter and to become a better person. and of course, a better muslim.
but dear GOD, please let me spent more time with my mum. my strength. my bestest friend. =)
4 comments:
insya allah ur mom will be just fine...she'll be there to do mother-of-the-bride things and also whole loads of grandmotherly things! i think it's safe to say kitorang sume always mendoakan ur mum's well-being. btw, it's sweet that u find ur mom to be ur ultimate best friend.
and i also get what u mean by getting somewhat envious of the so-called BFF la smarty-panties la (true story...mmg ade org m'gelarkan diri mereka dgn nama tersebut ye) brotherhood la. but then also, klu kita x jadi best friend sesape pon...at least having kwn biase pon dah lbh dr ckp kn? asal jgn jd kera sumbang sudeyy...
reading heartfelt entry at the office is so not recommendable.
it is kinda "scary" reading how much alike we are; of who we are as individual and of having mums as bestfriend!
everybody is praying for her health and wellbeing. we all hope and wish for the same thing.
You'll be ok.
dont know what to actually say here. not really good at comforting people or saying the right thing to the extend that i have always considered myself a comic relief in bad situations. however, know this, after all we have gone through, i still consider you one of the closest people i have in my life. and that is more important than any best friend label you can stick on others..
dean: thank u. yup kwn biase pn dh lbh dr cukup. but of course u need some close frens gak kan. and i'm glad that i have u guys as my closest frens. =)
teek: why? did u cry? hehe. i didnt know we were alike. kita serupa la ni? neway, thanx so much. appreaciate the comfort.
str4vag: thanx beb. it really means a lot to me. i consider u as my closest ppl too. =)
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