stronger than yesterday

i realize something today.

i realize that i have to get hurt in order to be stronger.

i realize that GOD give me pain to make me a better person.

for instance, i think GOD make my mum sick of leukemia to make me stronger. i used to be so lemaah semangat. i cry a lot. i can't stand pressure. i still am actually but i am stronger now. at least stronger than before. i always feel down and then mengadu to my mother. cuz she's the only one who could understand how i feel and she always make me feel better. make me smile again. she give me semangat. but then when she's sick, it's the other way around. i have to be strong to make her strong. although i'm faking it, konon2nye la kuat semangat kan, but i beleive that slowly i make myself stronger.

then there's this hell of an experience during my practical training. beleive me, i felt like i want to kill myself. i admit i'm a bit dependent. and that experience teach me to be independent. and of course, stronger.

i used to be so afraid of falling in love. so scared to be in a relationship again. cuz i've been hurt before and i don't wanna be hurt anymore. takut giler ar. still takut gak but dulu lagi teruk. i keep running away if a guy approach me or if i like someone. i couldn't take the risk. i beleive that it'll come to me. x pyh susah2 pegi carik pakwe. but then, the experience with a guy not so long ago make me think again. we actually had sort of a scandal thingy between us. i liked him and he liked me. but it didn't work. somehow, i don't regret having that relationship with him. i think that GOD bagi i jumpe him to make me realize that the world is wide. go for it. there's nothing to lose.

i remember he said,

"ko xleh camni hana. kalau ko tunggu2, smpai biler pn ko takde pakwe. mmgla jodoh tu ade. tp jodoh tu tak dtg kat ko mcm tu je. ko kene kluar dr kepompong ko ni. knape ko kene pkir bende yg sedih2, pkir bende yg happy je. klu tak jadi, ko x pyh pkir sedih2, ko pkir happy nye ko dpt bertemu ngn org tuh, dpt spend time ngn dea, dpt kenal dea walaupun dea tak suke ko.."

hmmm.betul jugak kan.

and i did kluar from my kepompong. at least kluar la sket beberapa tapak. hahaha. and i beleive that was GOD's plan. GOD wants me to meet him to make me see the world in a brighter view. and yes, to make me a stronger person.

now i'm stronger than yesterday.

(ceh cam lagu britney plak :P)