i'm just like you

what's so good about being a kerabat?what's so good about being anak dato'?what's so good about being rich?does it make u happy?

NO.

i always hated the fact that i am a kerabat. i describe myself as a 'kerabat murtad' cuz i dont give a damn about it. living with a family with lots of protocols really kills me. u think it's fun going to istana? it's damn boring. having dinner with org2 besar istana, raja muda whatsoever or tuanku, u need to be sooo sopan, so menjaga tata tertib and so not being yourself. i rather pergi makan kt mamak where ppl don't care how u eat and sit. that's why i'm not rapat with my belah ayah punye family cuz this 'menjaga tata tertib' thingy buatkan mcm ade this sort of gap between us. sort of boundaries. mcm ade dinding menghalang. rapat gitu2 jela. but nk mesra lebih2 takdela. because when we gather together, mane bole 'huha huha' sangat. if u know what i mean. but then again, i know i shouldn't hate it, i should bersyukur instead. Maybe ade sbb Allah lahirkan me in a kerabat family. Everything happens for a reason rite?

but i don't like it when the moment ppl know my name, they'll be like.."oh tunku..kerabat ni..bahaya ni..takutnye..". and the moment they know where i live, they'll be "ooohh tmn tun..org kaye nii.." and when they know my dad's a dato', well..u get the picture. i hate it.

i don't like ppl bg pandangan yg i'm so high standard because i'm not. i'm just a normal person struggling to live this life just like everybody else. so why does ppl have to make this darjat or standard thingy such a big deal? i don't feel like i'm lebih from anybody. i feel the same. i'm not the kerabat yg mcm tunku zara tuh. see, my family ni mcm kerabat yg tak ikut sgt, ppl dont know us pun. maybe bacause we live in kl. and we dont really go back to alor setar that often. so kekerabatan tu mcm takde makne sgt la. pegi istana pn time raye je. and klu ade event apape but jarang la we go cuz event2 ni slalunye kat kedah. but since my dad become a dato', slalu la gak dpt jemputan menyambut kat airport la apela. things like that. but i never go. me and my siblings slalu je mengelak dr pegi. cuz we hate it. even my mum hate it. but then sbg isteri, dea ikut la. so that's the kerabat life of us.

and to say that i'm kaya, i don't think so. sure my dad got a lot of money. but duit tu tak turun sgt to us. my dad ni a bit kedekut. His money is HIS money. His concept is, he works hard to get a lot of money, so if u want money, learn how hard it to get it. so dr kecik we save our money. nk harapkan my dad, no way. i'm not like family yg mintak la duit kat ayah, sure bagi punye, and klu bagi smpi ratus2. my dad nk bg rm50 pn susah. nk mintak barang, ade due time je. time ni mintak la ape nk mintak. time raye and time birthday. birthday la normally. raye slalunye if nk beli baju, kasut and stuff. kire baju raye gak la tu but actually baju jalan. so we siblings often klu nk apape, time birthday la mintak. nk mintak yg mahal2 time ni la amik kesempatan. but klu mase2 lain, jgn harap la. so that's why we save our money. at least i do ever since skola. from the duit blanje, duit raye, i simpan sket2. smpi skrg pun, i depend on my gaji la nk duit. so klu nk compare, compare gaji la. klu gaji same je, x pyhla nk kate i'm kaya. cuz that's the only source i have. maybe klu rase pn, through family activities la. mcm pegi mkn ke,pegi holiday ke, u get the chance to pegi tmpt mahal2 sket cuz my dad yg bayar. LOL.

i don't care about all this. what makes me happy is to have my loved ones around me. i don't care nk kawan ngn sape pun. budak kampung ke budak bandar ke. u slekeh mcamane pun, i dont care. as long as ur sincere. to be honest, i actually prefer being frens with budak kampung cuz they are sincere. sure they not as standard or high profile as the KL-ites, but i dont know why, i prefer being frens with them cuz they're not hypocrites like most of the ppl living in the city. terlalu terikut with the KL life when it's soo not urself. and i hate it when guys mcm takut to have a relationship with me because i'm 'anak org berada' and ' i'm a kerabat' and they're not layak for me. Come on la, i tak kesah pn. even my kakak sedaras married normal ppl. kampung boy some more. what's the big deal?

maybe cuz i've been friends with org2 yg sederhana je. not yg kaye raye, yg high profile. i byk jugak kawan2 from kampung and just sederhana ppl. that's why i feel mcm ni. the kelebihan (if u say so) yg i ade make it feels like a kekurangan when i'm around them.

kesimpulannye, i'm just normal. takde beza from anybody else.

i'm just like you.