stres!
i had a small fight with my mum (which we always do) and we haven't really talk to each other since the fight-yesterday morning. it's not actually a fight. more like me giving my opinions, she gave her opinions and we don't agree with each other, i'm dissapointed, she's dissapointed bla bla bla..and we don't wanna talk to each other because it might end up in a real fight and we might become lebih frust dan lebih stres! i'm ignoring my father too cuz i know he will say something about it and start membebel-ing. but he didn't say anything yet.
the thing is, i went to the PTD Assesment Program which i didnt really want to go. but i only went for the first day and i tarik diri for the other 2 days. actually i DONT want to go. since from the 1st stage lagi, i didnt wanna go cuz i'm not interested at all. time apply pun main2 je. but i go just because my parents asked me too. they keep on saying 'rugi tak pegi..peluang takkan dtg lagi..bla bla..'. but can u imagine doing something that u dont like? pegi program tu pun dgn hati yg terpaksa and tak focus. i dont care if it's something that i'm interested, i'll work hard for it. sure it's a great experience, but kalau tak minat, pegi pn hati tak tenang.
the worst part of all this, yg membuatkan lagi stres tu is at the end of it, i'm the one who's feeling really guilty and tak tenang jugak akhirnya. barulah start fikir balik, 'did i make the right decision?'. but i know i did. i think i did. but i feel bad for dissapointing them. it's like menghancurkan their dream. but what about my dreams? shouldn't i be the one yg decide which way that i want? i should decide for myself rite? so is it wrong? *sigh*
it's hard to decide what i want and what i need. to find a job that i want or a job that i need? i remember my fren's sister(in her early 30's) said, "ktorg keje nk hidup, korang keje nk satisfaction". it's quite true actually. i want a job that i feel satisfied and enjoy doing it. satisfaction is my first priority, money comes next. for me, klu keje gaji beribu-ribu pun, if it's not what u like and u're not happy, what for?
i'm getting bored with my job now. i wanna start applying for other jobs. hoping for going into shampoo/soaps/detergents industry. so klu sape2 ade kabel tu, silalah inform. wanted to go into Unilever tapi mmg sgt susah. apelagi ngn pointerku yg tak brape nk bagus ni. *sigh* byk betul halangan. and halangan yg plg besar is from my parents. exspecially my mum. my mum ni pulak ade some sort of power ke ape, kalau dea tak suke, mesti something bad will happen. like for example on my previous job, my mum didn't like me working there, in the end i didn't like it either. my mum pernah tak suke me going out with this one guy, and yeah end up mmg he's a psycho. back when i baru2 dpt license kete, dea tak kasi sgt me driving, but kat JB slamber pegi sewa kete driving here and there and i end up in an accident (which she doesn't know up until now :P) so that's why she's the biggest halangan. i have to please her too. walaupun it's my job and my life.
susah kan nk hidup? but that's what life is all about. it wouldn't be called a LIFE if it doesnt have obstacles. all we have to do is just try to think positive. maybe ade peluang2 yg lbh besar in the future. even if one day i menyesal for not going to the program, well, everybody make mistakes rite? we learn from it. it's hard to find a job that we want, but dlm hidup ni, we dont always get what we want kan? doa jela banyak2 and work hard for it.
dear GOD, please help me get through this life. bagilah petunjuk if i'm doing the wrong things. sometimes i dont realize it. open my heart, open my eyes for something i didnt see. give me confidence, give me srength. please oh dear GOD, forgive my sins. i know that everything happens for a reason.
4 comments:
put it this way, at the end of it all, anything you do or decide to do is the right choice in the grand scheme of things. so dont worry as thing will always work out for people who are willing to take risks.
u think so? *sigh* confuse la.
good or bad...it has happened, you have decided. no point crying over spilt milk. klu outcome bagus, then that's good. klu x bagus, then you remedy it.
as for your little disagreement with your mother, well, think of it in the sense that although you don't like the things they make you do, they do it (at least in their mind) in your best interest. they do it out of love for you as the only daughter kesayangan.
my personal trick in such cases, i let them think that they have gotten their way. but make sure that in the end, you get what you really want. suruh gi interview, gi je. but at the interview, you don't really have to give all your best. therefore the likelihood of them choosing you will be so remote.
so it's a win-win thing. she's happy and you're happy..
yup..i do think so..no worries ok?
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