Makin tua, makin lah malas & xde bende nk di blog. tak gitu? ok maybe just me.
nothing much lately. just after my experiments failed, i need to find new informations to cover up my research. sort of like change the scope a bit, add-ons, to make the research i'm doing more..well..'bermakna'. i was sad at first, rasa mcm ya allah 2 tahun buat pastu takde hasil yg 'bermakna'. tp masih di tahap mempositifkan diri utk berjuang. cewah. 'sikit je lagi..'. keep telling myself that. walaupun time schedule dh lari sikit, i still wanna target to finish it by this year. altho kebarangkalian utk supervisor drag kt tu ada.
kdg2 tu mmg rasa mcm loser gile. ape je lah aku dpt from 2 years of studies nih. rs useless kdg2. never participate in any conference before sbb xde results yg 'bermakna' (ok i jelah tau maksud 'bermakna' tu ape kot). have one conference in langkawi on july which i am scheduled to participate tp entahlahh mcm malu je nk masuk dgn results tahape hape.
sejak zaman skolah lagi i always feel inferior. rasa sungguh kerdil diriku. i'm this type of girl yg sgt lah blur, yg susah nk faham something, yg lampi, yang tk boleh nk fikir & solve secara spontan. even smpai skrg masih ada all these things. surrounded pulak dgn kwn2 yg pandai2. lagi2 pulak ade colleague yg start masters later than me tp die dh nk habis dh. mak rasa sgt down la noks.
tp takpelah. susah2 dulu, senang2 kemudian ye dak? *sedapkan hati* walaupun rasa jealous tgk kwn2 yg dh ade successful jobs & financially stable. i want that. i wanna have that feeling of 'successful & stable'. i wanna be a successful chemist. i wanna feel proud of myself. i think i'm far from that now.
tp tulah. this is the journey that i chose so i have to deal with it. actually seronok jd student, learn new things, flexible times. yg tk bestnya bile x dpt results yg di cari & the other thing financial la kot. have to berjimat cermat sbb duit pun cukup2 makan.
sooner or later i will graduate. insyaallah. i'm targeting this year but gonna leave it to takdir. just go with the flow and enjoy life. cuz sblm ni target pastu frust. same goes with marriage smue. before this been targeting to get married at so and so time and graduate at so and so time lepas tu tk dpt, i feel frustrated. so now i'll try not to mengharap sgt. Allah tahu mane lebih baik kan? so chill je lah. i'm still young. *sedapkan hati lagi*
anyway check out phdcomics.com for laughs. (comics for masters/phd students)
and oh, they have a movie too! sangatlah something i can relate to!
