this!

Watch "an Interview with Daphne Iking" on YouTube

let's change the mood

a lot of negativity lately. rasa macam this year is a tough year for me. had a hard time trying to be positive. after what had happened, i sort of like lost my confidence and i feel terrified for my future. keep thinking what will happen, what if this, what if that. i think too much i know. 

and me being a person who likes to express herself, i think i annoyed ppl with a lot of my tweets and fb. sometimes i feel like i just wanna shut down from social media because i know i will keep malukan diri sndiri and maybe make ppl feel disturbed. kdg2 cepat je terasa hati with ppl around cuz i imagine they're saying things in a judgemental way when really it's just my feeling. 

worst is when i'm in my period. ya allah mood swings macam orang gila! 

i know i chose to be that. to be negative. when really i can just look at a more positive side of everything. 

i blame syib for everything before. tak puas hati je mesti nk rasa he brings me into all this. it's all his fault. then i luahkan to my friends. and then i feel guilty because it's as if i memburukkan my future husband. bila sedih/marah, memang x fikir dah bende2 baik. 

syib is being so nice actually. sure ppl make mistakes but i'm so lucky to have him because he's so patient with me and sanggup lah layan kerenah perempuan gila yang tah pape ni. i'm thankful because his sengal-ness always make me laugh and be happy again. this 2 years of being engaged really teaches us a lot about everything. 

work/studies wise pun not so good. klau dikirekan, end of this year marks 3 years i'm doing my masters. dah mcm phd wei! so depressing to see your colleague who starts after you, finish first. i'm targeting and hope i can finish my labwork by end of this year. really hope i could settle the main work before i get married early next year. i wanna move on and start new. tapi just so happen that i got a difficult supervisor yang so perfectionist & sgt susah untuk lepaskan students. sighhh. oh well, i guess i just hv to work harder and try to accept her the way she is. tp mmg frustrated cuz there's no way out. semoga tak kene buli lagilah. aminnn!

i realize life's just too short to just be sad all the time. i wanna be happy and just enjoy the moment right now. 

p/s: i wanna start swimming again, and learn to cook and make soap and learn to sew. i need to have activities so i can take off my mind on unnecessary things. byknya nk buat tp sorg2 mesti hangat2 tahi ayam je. hopefully tak. who wants to join me? :)