damn la! ade this kursus about household and personal products formulation at UTM. it's what i've been looking for. essential oils pun ade. basically training pasal formulate product la. very very interesting cuz i really want to learn about making my own product. but damn it, it cost rm1250. bapak mahal! tak mampu beb. punah harapan terus! pfft. :(

David Cook won!

i am so happy that David Cook won the American idol last night!

for the first time i'm so crazy about the American Idol winner. he SO deserved it. very talented and very very gorgeous.

now should i change my nick name to Hana Cook? =)

i love zapin!

i'm in a mood of zapin rite now. been watching videos about it. :)

? (

i have a really really really weird feeling . it's scaring me.

possesive

one of the best songs from The Otherside Orchestra. (www.myspace.com/theothersideorchestra)


I like the way it's looking

But I cannot lie, I'm burning out

Why do I smirk? Why do I care?

Why must I hate it when she's there?

And I know it's just a little phase

But I just can't help it, I'm such a mess

I should give you up, but I still care

And you know you want me though she's there

Tonight under the moonlight

We'll dance into the sunlight

Don't fight what you feel inside

It feels right

You know this feels right

Tututu tututu …….

I'm getting, getting so out of control

You know you got me feeling so out of control

I AM WHAT YOU BREATHE

I'M ALL YOU NEED

DON'T KILL IT

DON'T YOU KILL IT NOW!

kekeliruan

stres!

i had a small fight with my mum (which we always do) and we haven't really talk to each other since the fight-yesterday morning. it's not actually a fight. more like me giving my opinions, she gave her opinions and we don't agree with each other, i'm dissapointed, she's dissapointed bla bla bla..and we don't wanna talk to each other because it might end up in a real fight and we might become lebih frust dan lebih stres! i'm ignoring my father too cuz i know he will say something about it and start membebel-ing. but he didn't say anything yet.

the thing is, i went to the PTD Assesment Program which i didnt really want to go. but i only went for the first day and i tarik diri for the other 2 days. actually i DONT want to go. since from the 1st stage lagi, i didnt wanna go cuz i'm not interested at all. time apply pun main2 je. but i go just because my parents asked me too. they keep on saying 'rugi tak pegi..peluang takkan dtg lagi..bla bla..'. but can u imagine doing something that u dont like? pegi program tu pun dgn hati yg terpaksa and tak focus. i dont care if it's something that i'm interested, i'll work hard for it. sure it's a great experience, but kalau tak minat, pegi pn hati tak tenang.

the worst part of all this, yg membuatkan lagi stres tu is at the end of it, i'm the one who's feeling really guilty and tak tenang jugak akhirnya. barulah start fikir balik, 'did i make the right decision?'. but i know i did. i think i did. but i feel bad for dissapointing them. it's like menghancurkan their dream. but what about my dreams? shouldn't i be the one yg decide which way that i want? i should decide for myself rite? so is it wrong? *sigh*

it's hard to decide what i want and what i need. to find a job that i want or a job that i need? i remember my fren's sister(in her early 30's) said, "ktorg keje nk hidup, korang keje nk satisfaction". it's quite true actually. i want a job that i feel satisfied and enjoy doing it. satisfaction is my first priority, money comes next. for me, klu keje gaji beribu-ribu pun, if it's not what u like and u're not happy, what for?

i'm getting bored with my job now. i wanna start applying for other jobs. hoping for going into shampoo/soaps/detergents industry. so klu sape2 ade kabel tu, silalah inform. wanted to go into Unilever tapi mmg sgt susah. apelagi ngn pointerku yg tak brape nk bagus ni. *sigh* byk betul halangan. and halangan yg plg besar is from my parents. exspecially my mum. my mum ni pulak ade some sort of power ke ape, kalau dea tak suke, mesti something bad will happen. like for example on my previous job, my mum didn't like me working there, in the end i didn't like it either. my mum pernah tak suke me going out with this one guy, and yeah end up mmg he's a psycho. back when i baru2 dpt license kete, dea tak kasi sgt me driving, but kat JB slamber pegi sewa kete driving here and there and i end up in an accident (which she doesn't know up until now :P) so that's why she's the biggest halangan. i have to please her too. walaupun it's my job and my life.

susah kan nk hidup? but that's what life is all about. it wouldn't be called a LIFE if it doesnt have obstacles. all we have to do is just try to think positive. maybe ade peluang2 yg lbh besar in the future. even if one day i menyesal for not going to the program, well, everybody make mistakes rite? we learn from it. it's hard to find a job that we want, but dlm hidup ni, we dont always get what we want kan? doa jela banyak2 and work hard for it.

dear GOD, please help me get through this life. bagilah petunjuk if i'm doing the wrong things. sometimes i dont realize it. open my heart, open my eyes for something i didnt see. give me confidence, give me srength. please oh dear GOD, forgive my sins. i know that everything happens for a reason.