from my heart to yours..

mama
hana mintak maaf banyak2 kat mama
selame ni hana byk lawan cakap mama
hana takde niat nak lukakan hati mama
hana mmg jenis suke ikut pendirian sendiri
ma maafkanlah hana ye ma

mama
sebelum mama pergi, mama ade cakap
jage family klu mama takde
hana janji ma
walaupun hana tak sehebat mama
tp hana cube yg mampu

mama
ma cakap ma teringin nk tgk anak2 mama kawin
klu boleh hana pun nk mama ade mase hana kawin nanti
hana nak mama pilih baju pengantin hana
hana nak mama tgk siapa pilihan hati hana

mama
mamalah bestfren hana
mamalah teman hidup hana
mamalah teman shopping hana
mamalah teman gosip hana
mamalah tempat hana luahkan segala-galanya ma

mama
hana doakan Allah ampunkan dosa2 mama
hana doakan seksa kubur mama dikurangkan
hana doakan mama ditempatkan di kalangan org2 mulia
hana doakan mama dimasukkan dlm syurga

mama
hana sayang sangat kat mama
tapi Allah lagi sayangkan mama
takpelah ma, ma pergilah dulu

mama
di hari2 akhir mama
mama nk sangat tido
tapi mama tak dapat tidur kan?

sekarang mama dh boleh tido dah
mama tidur la sepuas-puasnya
mama tidurla dgn tenang

hana redha dengan pemergian mama..

Al-Fatihah..


*thanx to all my frens yg dtg. u guys cheered me up. yg hanta sms, sorry ade yg tak dpt reply, terlalu ramai. thanx to all the family yg dtg help us out. at least i feel there's a lot more ppl out there who still care about me.

i'm exhausted.

i'm confused.

i'm emotionally unstable.

sometimes i feel i wanna run away. dissapear for a while. i couldnt take this anymore. i'm really tired. but i cant run. i have to face this. i have to be strong. but i wonder, when will this be over?

all the burden is on me. i took care of her every single night. in the mornings i go to work. i have to clean and take care of the house. i have to wash the clothes. i have to give her support. i have to do everything. i'm exhausted. i'm really really exhausted. having brothers is not helpful at all.

God, HElP me. help me plz. help me to be strong. cuz i know i can.

??

susah ade close friend lelaki.

i always have mixed feelings.

congratulations sarah!

been to sarah's wedding last nite at kelab tasik putrajaya. it was a nice reception done by the lake. sort of a garden wedding with nice view and everything. started to 'berangan' already since i always wanted a garden wedding. pfft. the pelamin was sweet and the cake too was simple and cute. and of course the pengantin was both gorgeous.

met with a quite a lot of frens from high school. macam reunion pulak. some of them are also getting married soon. *sigh* where's my prince charming?

here's some of the pics.. more on my Facebook acct.

what would do if u're in my place? see ur mum suffer from treatments or let her live happily until the day comes?



today is a hard day for me. as well as for my mum. doing chemo is suffering. not just to the patient but emotionally to the ppl around. i've had an emotional breakdown this morning. i don't know what to do. my mum almost give up. she wanted to go home. i don't know what to convince her. to continue doing treatments (which is tersangatla peritnye) or just stop and go home and wait for the day comes (which is probably a few months)? Either way pun i tak suke. i hate to see my mum suffer but i want to see her live longer too.

i'm not good in convincing ppl. i don't know how to 'pujuk' ppl. all i do is just listen and keep her company. of course i pretended to be strong in front of my mum but deep down inside, tuhan jela yang tahu. at this point, i need ppl to support me. thank god, after talking to 2 of my frens (which coincidently availabe mase tgh breakdown tu) , i feel a bit better.

i know i have to be strong. i guess i have to try harder. i have to try really2 hard.
i will be. i hope so.

current favourite song =)

holding on

don't cry in front of your mum, it'll make her less strong

that's what my close fren told me. i still remember it and i always keep that in mind.

my mum have to be admitted to the hospital again. the leukemia relapsed. there's 62% of cancer cells in my mum's body. God knows how it came back all of a sudden. she have to go through the chemoteraphy again which also means a very painfull experience even to myself. i'd be lying if i said i don't feel sad. i am sad because i don't wanna see my mum suffer again. but i don't wanna keep feeling this way. i'm thinking positive. i'm praying hard and hoping for the best. who knows, after 1 round of chemo, she might be fine. i really hope so. i don't wanna worry too much.

smoge my mum cepat sembuh! amin..

my wish

my mum free from leukemia