i have a feeling that i can't even figure out why i feel that way. susah nk describe and even susah nk share it with ppl because it's hard to understand. sndiri pun confuse. and it hurts to be confuse. but what i know is, it relates with my mum and the relationship i am in at the moment.
yes i am in a relationship. but before i can say how happy i am, it scares the shit out of me. and nobody understands. i keep asking myself 'why the heck should i be scared when i'm suppossed to be happy?'. i can't help it. it comes and goes every now and then. and that scary feeling leads to sad feeling. pfft.
i think a lot more about my mum when i'm with him. in fact, i think i was stronger before. sekarang asik sensitif je and i cry more often just thinking about her. and now rase mcm senang je kecik hati with everyone. family, frens. is that normal?
my friend said 'maybe u nak ur mum tau u happy skrg but she's not there. sbb tu u terase'. maybe she's right. but i think that's not the thing. it's just that when i care and worry about him, knowing that he cares about me too, reminds me of how much me and my mum care for each other, how i took care of her and how i was scared she was gonna leave me back then. maybe i'm scared to care about someone because i dont want the same thing happen again,to lose the one i cared so much. it's awful, seriously.
i always pray before that i'll find someone almost like my mum. sort of jadi pengganti. the one who could be there when i need someone, the one where i can feel comfort and the one who could actually take care of me. i find it hard to beleive that i actually found that person. and that actually another thing that scares me. that maybe it might not turns out the way i imagine it would be. bad experiences too give bad imaginations. i've only known him for a few months and i already can see the future of me with him. and i couldn't find one thing bad about him. how scary is that?! i dont know if i feel this way sebab baru di ambang2 permulaan relationship ke ape. but serious s**t, takuuuuut.
*sigh* sape yg slalu dgr pasalku mengeluh pasal ni, sabar jela ye. can't help it. :P
i'm thankful actually. bersyukur. at least, now i have a reason to smile. but i'm struggling to put away rase takut tu. and just go with the floow. whatever happens pun, i guess i have to beleive that everything happens for a reason.
only GOD knows what's best for me.
yes i am in a relationship. but before i can say how happy i am, it scares the shit out of me. and nobody understands. i keep asking myself 'why the heck should i be scared when i'm suppossed to be happy?'. i can't help it. it comes and goes every now and then. and that scary feeling leads to sad feeling. pfft.
i think a lot more about my mum when i'm with him. in fact, i think i was stronger before. sekarang asik sensitif je and i cry more often just thinking about her. and now rase mcm senang je kecik hati with everyone. family, frens. is that normal?
my friend said 'maybe u nak ur mum tau u happy skrg but she's not there. sbb tu u terase'. maybe she's right. but i think that's not the thing. it's just that when i care and worry about him, knowing that he cares about me too, reminds me of how much me and my mum care for each other, how i took care of her and how i was scared she was gonna leave me back then. maybe i'm scared to care about someone because i dont want the same thing happen again,to lose the one i cared so much. it's awful, seriously.
i always pray before that i'll find someone almost like my mum. sort of jadi pengganti. the one who could be there when i need someone, the one where i can feel comfort and the one who could actually take care of me. i find it hard to beleive that i actually found that person. and that actually another thing that scares me. that maybe it might not turns out the way i imagine it would be. bad experiences too give bad imaginations. i've only known him for a few months and i already can see the future of me with him. and i couldn't find one thing bad about him. how scary is that?! i dont know if i feel this way sebab baru di ambang2 permulaan relationship ke ape. but serious s**t, takuuuuut.
*sigh* sape yg slalu dgr pasalku mengeluh pasal ni, sabar jela ye. can't help it. :P
i'm thankful actually. bersyukur. at least, now i have a reason to smile. but i'm struggling to put away rase takut tu. and just go with the floow. whatever happens pun, i guess i have to beleive that everything happens for a reason.
only GOD knows what's best for me.
1 comment:
hmm..i heard this qoute a few time before.. and i think this is fitting..
"know that loving and losing is better than nothing at all"
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