new year's resolution

think positive

be stronger

never let people look down on me

be independent

be myself and never let ppl change me for who i am

goodbye 2007

what a year.

i think this year paling tough for me. byk ketensionan berlaku. that includes..

being a final year student. bapak tension sial! with the thesis and lotsa assignments. brape kali la rase nk terjun bangunan. breakdown byk kali. struggling nk abiskan. alhamdulillah i did it. my graduation day was one of the happiest day of my life. :)

my mum dpt leukemia. first time i know about it, i was at JB and i cried when my father told me on the phone. i was so scared at that time. when my dad told me i can't speak to her because she was having difficulties in breathing (kene gune oxygen supply), i freak out. mule la pkir macam2. plus ditambah ngn tension thesis smue lagi and maybe cuz i was missing her so bad (this year jarang balik kl sgt), lagila down kan. luckily ade my frens there who always make me smile. thanx korang!

during that time, lagila rase cepat2 nk abiskan study. besides mmg dh tak tahan, nk habiskan cepat bcause tak saba nk balik and meet my mum. she was okey. she still is. alhamdulillah. so balik kl tuh adalah satu perasaan yg sgt la bestnye!

4 months i've been a penganggur berjaya. gile bosan. asyik2 gi shopping and lepak. shopping and lepak. haha. no doubt it was fun la kan. and me and my mum were spending so much time together. almaklumla due org je kat umah. oh and i got a car! perodua viva. lagila merayap je keje kan. dh dpt kete sniri katakan. :P

ade konflik berlaku with me and my fren. i was so close to her. but then since she got a boyfriend, jarang gile la kan nak jumpe. messages pun tak reply la. mmg dh takde time for me cuz she spent most of her time with her bf. so mase tuh sangat terkilan la. i came out with satu pernyataan that ' i dont beleive in the term bestfren anymore' and dea pulak terase. so pendekkan crite, we actually work things out. dah back to normal(normal ke?). but i still confuse in the term 'bestfren'. i dont know klu ade pun org yg layak dipanggil bestfren. still thinking..hmm..

i got a job at kelana jaya. sales executive. mase tuh cam tak pkir. as long as i got a job. dh agak desperate la kan. i can't do it really. i had a hard time working there. but i gain experience la. luckily i got an offer at sg buloh as a chemist. and so far i'm loving it. thanx to sue!

i had a crush on a guy. but aku direject! ceh! but it doesnt matter. i think i deserves someone better. but it was nice knowing him and it's a nice experience.

i've learn a lot dr smue pengalaman nie. we learn from our mistakes. and klu takde ketensionan, takde kesedihan, kt tak blaja kan? and i beleive that smue ni make myself stronger and also make me closer to GOD.

manusia hanya merancang, tuhan yang menentukan

happy new year everyone!

gile takde life weyh!

bosan!bosan!

i hate working life. dahla working 5 and a half days a week. sabtu pun kene keje. the only day yg btol2 off is sunday. meng'limit'kan my social life. and it's freaking exhausting. dh lame tak meng'enjoy'kan diri. keje keje keje.*sigh* camne la ppl can work on weekends jugak? tak bosan ke?

at the moment, i feel like i want to just duduk kat umah and sleep sleep and sleep. hahaha. and also go to gigs and stuff. or a vacation. :P

but this is part of life kan? time blaja iyo2 nk keje. dh keje, tak suke plak. hm i guess sbb baru nk bermule kehidupan yg baru. i need time to cope with it.

smile hana! enjoy it and u'll be fine.

bile nk kawin??

apesal u still single?knape tak carik pakwe?bile nk kawin?

haih. soalan2 yg sangat ku menyampah. even though itulah soalan2 favourite org tanye (even myself) bile jumpe kwn2 yg lame tak jumpe. tak gitu? and it's like typical questions for ppl around my age. the 20-an ppl. expecially for us girls, it's like we're supposed to get married at this age or at least have a boyfriend. loceng dh nk bunyi la konon2nye. i myself feel i'm still young to get married. rase mcm budak2 je lagi. enjoy2 je lagi. can't picture myself handling responsibilities if i be somebody's wife. scary siot. i don't feel i'm layak pun. i don't feel that i'm gonna be a good wife yet.

last saturday i went to fairuza & apis's wedding. they were my seniors and the girl is my close fren's sister. mcm tak percaye je dieorg dh kawin. at the age of 24, they've already building a family. another couple of the same age, senior jugak, dh ade 2 ke 3 org anak dah. rase mcm baru je tgk kegila-gilaan deaorg kat skola dlu. terase tua la pulak kan ble tgk mereka2 nie. sedar tak sedar, we've all grown up. after the weddding, we were discussing psl kawin2 ni la. imagining how it would be like if one of our geng get married. who's gonna get married first la. mcm2. and all the question's i've said be4 came up la kan. i myself obviously la kan kene carik calon dlu baru bole kawin.

i would say most of my frens dh ade partner. boyfriends and girlfriends. i je yg still single. that's why sometimes i feel a bit lonely la. cuz dh susah nk hang out mcm dlu2. smue bz with pakwe masing2. but i don't feel lonely sbb takde pakwe but i feel lonely sbb rase cam takde kwn. sometimes i said. not all the time. at least i still have them as my friends. but seeing them happy with their partners, jealous gak kekadang. nak jugak! LOL. and they all smue pun dh actually thought of getting married. i guess ble dh jumpe yg sesuai, u don't actually feel scared about it anymore.

i kinda beleive in soulmates. i beleive that setiap org mesti ade partner. jodoh di tangan tuhan. it's just a matter of time. ade yg cepat ade yg lambat. so i just have to wait. i know i'll find someone. my friend at work once asked me, "hana bile nk kawin?" and i said "tak tau". and then another friend at work said "kawin pun tatau bile.." i said "yelaa..calon pn takde camne nk tau kawin bile?" He's 27 and he said he's gonna get married at the age of 35 ke brape tah. lupe dah. dh ade target la. i asked camne klu takde calon jugak mase tuh. he simply answered "mesti ade punye.." i like his confidence. confident gile la akan ade calon. yesterday pun we had a small talk about the same topic. he said "Dh mmg termaktub. kt akan jumpe punye teman hidup kite."

i actually agree with him. :)

i am happy :)

i am happy now. am enjoying my work so far. i have a not-so-perfect but happy family. am blessed with a lot of friends. and being single is not a reason for me to not being happy. it's stupid to complaint about not having the one i want so bad in my life. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. i deserve someone better. i will meet someone. i know i will. this is part of GOD's plan to make me a better person in order to meet a better person. org baik akan dpt org yg baik kan?

ini ujian Allah, kt kene la tabah beb

benci!

benci!benci!

go away oh this stupid feeling! why am i still mengharap to something i know i can't have? shoohh! go away!

i just wanna be happy. and i'm loving this shayne ward's song rite now. a good distraction.

let's dance, babe.

friends?

Horoscope

Cancer: You'll be tempted to say something you really shouldn't. Resist! You'll regret it if you say too much..

it's true. i regret.

but i guess we just couldn't understand each other . well, at least i've tried to understand u. i hope u understand. i just hate that our friendship is ruined for something that i've done. i didn't expect u to take it damn seriously. Now it's up to u to keep the friendship growing. i just want u to know that it was nice knowing u and it was one of the best parts of my life. u make me smile even just for a while..

if u think i'm not strong, u're wrong. i'm getting stronger now and i'm proud of myself. u'll see. and i thank u for giving me support all this while. it was u who inspires me but now u lose faith in me. u think i'm not gonna a better person? i'll prove it to u one day. too bad u couldn't accept me for who i am because i accepted u for who u are. i am who i am. i'm just being myself. i cannot be someone that u want me to be.

enuff said. i wish u all the best.

i'm just like you

what's so good about being a kerabat?what's so good about being anak dato'?what's so good about being rich?does it make u happy?

NO.

i always hated the fact that i am a kerabat. i describe myself as a 'kerabat murtad' cuz i dont give a damn about it. living with a family with lots of protocols really kills me. u think it's fun going to istana? it's damn boring. having dinner with org2 besar istana, raja muda whatsoever or tuanku, u need to be sooo sopan, so menjaga tata tertib and so not being yourself. i rather pergi makan kt mamak where ppl don't care how u eat and sit. that's why i'm not rapat with my belah ayah punye family cuz this 'menjaga tata tertib' thingy buatkan mcm ade this sort of gap between us. sort of boundaries. mcm ade dinding menghalang. rapat gitu2 jela. but nk mesra lebih2 takdela. because when we gather together, mane bole 'huha huha' sangat. if u know what i mean. but then again, i know i shouldn't hate it, i should bersyukur instead. Maybe ade sbb Allah lahirkan me in a kerabat family. Everything happens for a reason rite?

but i don't like it when the moment ppl know my name, they'll be like.."oh tunku..kerabat ni..bahaya ni..takutnye..". and the moment they know where i live, they'll be "ooohh tmn tun..org kaye nii.." and when they know my dad's a dato', well..u get the picture. i hate it.

i don't like ppl bg pandangan yg i'm so high standard because i'm not. i'm just a normal person struggling to live this life just like everybody else. so why does ppl have to make this darjat or standard thingy such a big deal? i don't feel like i'm lebih from anybody. i feel the same. i'm not the kerabat yg mcm tunku zara tuh. see, my family ni mcm kerabat yg tak ikut sgt, ppl dont know us pun. maybe bacause we live in kl. and we dont really go back to alor setar that often. so kekerabatan tu mcm takde makne sgt la. pegi istana pn time raye je. and klu ade event apape but jarang la we go cuz event2 ni slalunye kat kedah. but since my dad become a dato', slalu la gak dpt jemputan menyambut kat airport la apela. things like that. but i never go. me and my siblings slalu je mengelak dr pegi. cuz we hate it. even my mum hate it. but then sbg isteri, dea ikut la. so that's the kerabat life of us.

and to say that i'm kaya, i don't think so. sure my dad got a lot of money. but duit tu tak turun sgt to us. my dad ni a bit kedekut. His money is HIS money. His concept is, he works hard to get a lot of money, so if u want money, learn how hard it to get it. so dr kecik we save our money. nk harapkan my dad, no way. i'm not like family yg mintak la duit kat ayah, sure bagi punye, and klu bagi smpi ratus2. my dad nk bg rm50 pn susah. nk mintak barang, ade due time je. time ni mintak la ape nk mintak. time raye and time birthday. birthday la normally. raye slalunye if nk beli baju, kasut and stuff. kire baju raye gak la tu but actually baju jalan. so we siblings often klu nk apape, time birthday la mintak. nk mintak yg mahal2 time ni la amik kesempatan. but klu mase2 lain, jgn harap la. so that's why we save our money. at least i do ever since skola. from the duit blanje, duit raye, i simpan sket2. smpi skrg pun, i depend on my gaji la nk duit. so klu nk compare, compare gaji la. klu gaji same je, x pyhla nk kate i'm kaya. cuz that's the only source i have. maybe klu rase pn, through family activities la. mcm pegi mkn ke,pegi holiday ke, u get the chance to pegi tmpt mahal2 sket cuz my dad yg bayar. LOL.

i don't care about all this. what makes me happy is to have my loved ones around me. i don't care nk kawan ngn sape pun. budak kampung ke budak bandar ke. u slekeh mcamane pun, i dont care. as long as ur sincere. to be honest, i actually prefer being frens with budak kampung cuz they are sincere. sure they not as standard or high profile as the KL-ites, but i dont know why, i prefer being frens with them cuz they're not hypocrites like most of the ppl living in the city. terlalu terikut with the KL life when it's soo not urself. and i hate it when guys mcm takut to have a relationship with me because i'm 'anak org berada' and ' i'm a kerabat' and they're not layak for me. Come on la, i tak kesah pn. even my kakak sedaras married normal ppl. kampung boy some more. what's the big deal?

maybe cuz i've been friends with org2 yg sederhana je. not yg kaye raye, yg high profile. i byk jugak kawan2 from kampung and just sederhana ppl. that's why i feel mcm ni. the kelebihan (if u say so) yg i ade make it feels like a kekurangan when i'm around them.

kesimpulannye, i'm just normal. takde beza from anybody else.

i'm just like you.

ecah's bbq

here are some of the pics..


the girls

the food

the UTM friends

the high school frens pt 1

the high school frens pt 2

penatness!!

so dah sminggu keje at a new place. not bad. puas hati jugak la. cuz the job mmg application from ape yg i blaja from my degree. keje nye pn tak stress. quite senang. cume nk get to know the process and the reaction of the material preparation tu amik mase sket la. the ppl pun okey. altough mcm minah kilang (mmg keje kilang pn, pakai pn tshirt company,jeans and sneakers je), tapi takpe, minah kilang yg ade degree and gaji yg setimpal.haha.

bile keje ni la baru rase penat giler. banding ngn previous job, just kuar2 jumpe customer je. klu tak kuar, duk kat opis menyangap.so tak rase sgt. tadi blk from work pn, i slept for 3 hours. haha. penat ok!

so i hope this job will be ok for me la. Insyaallah. Amin..

........

i hate that i keep thinking about u

i hate that i always dream about u

i hate that i feel nervous when i'm around u

i hate that your smile always make my day

i hate that i always wish u look my way

i hate that i don't even know why i'm attracted to u

i hate that i actually beleive u like me too

i hate that everytime i received an sms, i wish it was u

i hate that i cried because i don't have a chance to be with u

i hate that i want to spend time more time with u

i hate that i want u to want me

i hate that even though i've only known u for like 2 months, i already fall for u

i hate that even though we have nothing in common, i still want u

i hate that i have this feeling

i hate that i don't hate u

i hate that I LIKE U SO MUCH


and damn it, it hurts..