i used to have a very close bond with my mother. i think she's the only one that i talked to a lot. i never really had a good communication with my brothers and my dad. if we sit for dinner together, u'll be surprise when u see we dont talk that much. i've tried so hard but i hate that my brothers are so damn robots. we're like srangers living in a same place. my father and i too didn't really talk to each other that much. but we started bonding after my mum passed away. still, he's a man. he doesn't understand me like my mum did. and we don't really spend time like a mother-daughter do.
with that, i don't really feel the family-ness anymore. my elder brother is almost always not around. my lil brother is studying outside kl. even if he is here, it wouldn't make a difference. plus, i can't even remember the last time we actually watch tv together. or joke around together. so i'm stuck in a family yang sangat sangat sepi.
lately, i spend more time with my cousins, aunties and uncles (mum's side) because with them, i feel a family. i feel happy. and sometimes i feel like the mother-daughter relationship again with my aunties. but sometimes, i don't know why, i feel guilty. it's like i betrayed my own family. i rather spend time with them than my own family cuz there's just no fun at home anymore. there's no home. seriously, i think i talk much more with my cousins than my brothers. i think my cousins know me more. now nak blame siapa?
i always think of my dad. i never seen my dad so sad. he's really really upset. and i couldn't do much to support him. i can't even support myself. my brothers? tak pernah kisah pun semua ni. or they did but they're just keeping it to themselves which makes my life harder.
i'm so jealous to see happy-happy family around. i wish my family could be that way too.
but me being the person who always try to look at the bright side, at least i still have a family. at least i dont have much problems like anybody else who does.
i understand that life is not perfect. and life is never fair.
with that, i don't really feel the family-ness anymore. my elder brother is almost always not around. my lil brother is studying outside kl. even if he is here, it wouldn't make a difference. plus, i can't even remember the last time we actually watch tv together. or joke around together. so i'm stuck in a family yang sangat sangat sepi.
lately, i spend more time with my cousins, aunties and uncles (mum's side) because with them, i feel a family. i feel happy. and sometimes i feel like the mother-daughter relationship again with my aunties. but sometimes, i don't know why, i feel guilty. it's like i betrayed my own family. i rather spend time with them than my own family cuz there's just no fun at home anymore. there's no home. seriously, i think i talk much more with my cousins than my brothers. i think my cousins know me more. now nak blame siapa?
i always think of my dad. i never seen my dad so sad. he's really really upset. and i couldn't do much to support him. i can't even support myself. my brothers? tak pernah kisah pun semua ni. or they did but they're just keeping it to themselves which makes my life harder.
i'm so jealous to see happy-happy family around. i wish my family could be that way too.
but me being the person who always try to look at the bright side, at least i still have a family. at least i dont have much problems like anybody else who does.
i understand that life is not perfect. and life is never fair.
4 comments:
babe,
i understand. bt babe, think of it this way.
Sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul, He breaks our heart to make us whole, He sends us pain so we can be stronger, He sends us failure so we can be humble, He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves, sometimes God takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.
so be strong okay babe. there's always reason for everything.
*hugs*
insya ALLAH things will fine for you..sooner or later..it will~!!
take care ok..
xoxo~!!
meh karok lagi la kalau berani :P
there's always a silver lining. try sitting down and discuss this with your brothers. paling tidak pon with ur abang. as the eldest, i'm sure he'll understand.
chin up!
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