of studies, wedding and just accepting things the way they are.

when i registered for masters, the seniors already warned me that if i work under my supervisor, my masters will be 4 years. right to the maximum limit. to the point where u can't extend anymore.

i didn't really believe them and i thought to myself, i can beat that. i can finish on time. or at least, extend for just the thesis writings.

i was definitely wrong. 

my supervisor is a very very particular person. dalam erti kata lain, CEREWET.  it's so hard to puaskan hati dia and it's driving me crazy!

for those of you yg tak pernah jadi postgraduate student, the moment when your supervisor said 'you can graduate now' is moment yg paling bahagia and paling susah sgt nk dgr. it's usually hard for supervisors to let their students go. and from what i've heard, supervisors who are graduates from US are the most difficult ones (because they had difficult times in the US) and my supervisor is one of them. big sigh!

i'm so tired when ppl keep asking me when will i finish, because the truth is, i don't know!

only GOD knows how many times i wanted to quit and move on. it's just too depressing. i dont wanna be sad and stress all the time. 

well i guess the only way is to just to accept. accept that i won't finish at the targeted time (i target on march 2013 then i'll be married and free!), accept that no matter what, it'll be worth it the end. insyaallah!

on another note, it's 3 months until the big day and i'm already feeling the excitement! :) and nervous at the same time. 

alhamdulillah so far preparation was smooth. me and syib had done the preparation slowly so we wont get stuck with last minute things. 

but of course, it gets annoying when family members have different opinions with what you have in mind. from the beginning, when we got the date, i already thought to myself, i'm just gonna accept whatever it is that they want and not be stressed out about unnecessary things. i already know that i'm not gonna have my dream wedding anyway. and what's important is the marriage. alhamdulillah so far everything works fine, i accepted whatever my parents want and they accepted what i want. 

so far.

there'll be a meeting with the extended family this weekend and i'm nervous about that. i'm sure there'll be some clashing of opinions here and there. and with my father's side of family, i always gets really annoyed with them.(oops).  i know it's not nice to feel that way too. oh well. 

syib is gonna have a meeting with his extended family too. he's all like 'cakap ok je, takyah pressure2, janji kahwin'. yeah i hope i will do that. 

anway, bought the ring yesterday! can't wait to wear it yeay! i'm not into jewelleries and all the expensive ones. so we got a very nice simple ring just enough for me. i love it because it looks so feminine on me. tee hee. :)

so far everything necessary booked. things to be finalized are cards and doorgifts. after that we're gonna have to pening kepala buying things for our new home. we've decided to stay at my dad's kondo at sungai besi. 

so there's two things i'm looking fwd to for 2013 (the same month too), to at least finish my labworks for my masters and to be start a new life with my other half.

and one thing i learned is to accept things the way they are then i'll be at peace. even if you dont achieve what you hope for. it's not easy but i won't stop trying. 

hope everything runs smoothly. insyaallah! praying for the best. :)

my kind of music.

my favourite acoustic band. used to watch them almost every week at danga bay, jb when  i studied in johor.

back to the future.

been thinking a lot about future lately. exciting yet scary at the same time.

since i'm so determined to finish my masters this semester (which should be end by march but depends on my crazy lecturer who always wants everything perfect and torture me with unnecessary jobs -__-), i'm starting to think of what kind of work/job should i do after that. having experience being in r&d industry and product development area for few years now, i learned a lot. one thing i learn is that apparently science is not important to business people. all they want is profit profit profit. fast fast fast. and it annoys me. hellooo, we're the scientist, we know when will the products be actually safe for the market and what kind of things should be added to improve. 

so yeah, i love r &d and product development and well just basically working in the lab. But, i don't like the nature of the work. it's depressing. i know it's probably the same thing for all companies who wants to make profit, but whatever. In terms of gaining experience, no problem with me. 

and then there's this sudden interest in me who wants to be a lecturer. i don't know why. i don't know how to teach but i just feel that all the 'ilmu' that i've got should be passed on to people. and i got a feeling that it's less depressing. i thinkkk lahhh.

with me getting married and all, of course i already started to think of marriage life. i think every woman would wanna cook for their husband, looks nice, getting pregnant, have kids etc. with all these in mind, how can i be in a profesional world and then going back home trying to do all this? almost impossible.

and so when i stumbled upon this blog , i thought to myself 'bestnyaaa jadi surirumah ni'. tak payah stress2 dgn boss or difficult people at work or due dates and whatever. this mother do a lot of experimenting at home, cooking, crafting, and making home made cosmetics/personal care! haha this one i'm so excited. i've always wanted to do my own soap and all tapi takde time. already berangan making my own body scrubs and sell them at bazaars. plus that would be an application of what i learn for my masters. (seriously sbnrnya sgt scary beli products kat luar tu, try to buy products as natural as possible k?) always wanted my own business tapi tak pandai business and dont know what to sell and where to start. maybe someday i'll start one so i can be more at home and spending time with my family. cewah berangan over!

berangan pun berangan jugak. but the thing is, money is still so important. no matter what, still have to find ways to have an income or extra income. mr fiance is not really strict of what i wanna be. he just wants me to do something that i'm happy about. 

oh well enough rambling. manusia merancang je kan. let's just wait and see what my future will be like. 

wish me luck! :)

si spastik

last weekend, my cousin aizat got married!

sungguh tak percaya. 

it was a very simple yet meriah wedding. (meriah sebab kepochi punya cousins hahaha.) 

shani, the bride just borrowed her baju kurung, shawl and veil from her friend. her make up and inai was done by my sis in law. no bilik pengantin whatsoever. 

simple gila kan? i wonder if i can do like that. but i dont think my other side of the family will approve. -__-

the bride and groom. awww so sweet! aizat cannot duduk diam and be serious. even with the tok kadi, he just can't stop making funny faces. lol. 

the sweet pelamin. DIY by the pengantin themselves. the bunga pahar was done by my auntie, the mother of the groom. in fact all the gifts was done by her (with the help of us the family members of course).

and the most exciting part, taking pictures! 

the most happening cousins i have. 

they're leaving maldives today. they're gonna have the bride's reception this week. some of us are going, some of us are not. but according to plan, aizat's gonna migrate and live in maldives with her wife.

aww we're gonna miss u!

no more photographer of the family. :P

Semoga berbahagia aizat and shani. May u guys have a happy marriage till the end. Amin. 

2 years!

today, 13 november 2012, marks 2 years of being engaged to syib! 

known each other for 3 years plus. i gotta say i'm so proud of myself for being able to tahan him and all the ups and downs in our relationship. i've never been in a relationship more than a year wei. setahun pn tak sampai i think.

and being engaged is a lot different than just being boyfriend and girlfriend. banyaaaak sgt dugaannya. 

4 months to go till we become husband and wife. here's hoping for many many happy years ahead together. insyaallah. :)

read.

i think i lost my interest in reading because of android. lol.

i used to read books at night before i sleep but since ade samsung s2 ni, duk explore phone je. playing games and watching youtubes. and i love instagram! wakaka lagging.

but i still have a few books yet to be read. currently reading anne frank which i recently bought at a sale at uptown. itu pun kene force.

i used to like reading books a lot. especially self-help books and fiction books based in different countries. macam best baca life/culture tempat lain. it opened your mind. plus, it's my way of travelling without spending. lol.

oh no. what happened to my hobby lah?

marriage and baby

19th october 2012. 

one of closest friends, shaz got married to his sweetheart, amelia. they both make a handsome and pretty couple. the nikah was held at masjid bndr sri damansara which is sooo cantik.  fell in love with the architecture and deco. then the next day was amelia's side of reception at dewan perdana felda. it was a beautiful night. 

on the same night, my good friend, eika gave birth to baby boy named Aariq Iman. He's the cutest! when me and teha came to visit at the hospital, he opened his eyes so wide looking very curiously at us. and very active too! penat tok mama die nk bedung die tak duduk diam. we girls in the gang was very excited and nervous for eika and rico. proud parents they are. 

congratulations to shaz & melia as well as eika & rico for their new journey of life. can't wait to be married and have kids too! teehee. 

oh and congrats to my good friend too who just found out she's pregnant. yeay!

this!

Watch "an Interview with Daphne Iking" on YouTube

let's change the mood

a lot of negativity lately. rasa macam this year is a tough year for me. had a hard time trying to be positive. after what had happened, i sort of like lost my confidence and i feel terrified for my future. keep thinking what will happen, what if this, what if that. i think too much i know. 

and me being a person who likes to express herself, i think i annoyed ppl with a lot of my tweets and fb. sometimes i feel like i just wanna shut down from social media because i know i will keep malukan diri sndiri and maybe make ppl feel disturbed. kdg2 cepat je terasa hati with ppl around cuz i imagine they're saying things in a judgemental way when really it's just my feeling. 

worst is when i'm in my period. ya allah mood swings macam orang gila! 

i know i chose to be that. to be negative. when really i can just look at a more positive side of everything. 

i blame syib for everything before. tak puas hati je mesti nk rasa he brings me into all this. it's all his fault. then i luahkan to my friends. and then i feel guilty because it's as if i memburukkan my future husband. bila sedih/marah, memang x fikir dah bende2 baik. 

syib is being so nice actually. sure ppl make mistakes but i'm so lucky to have him because he's so patient with me and sanggup lah layan kerenah perempuan gila yang tah pape ni. i'm thankful because his sengal-ness always make me laugh and be happy again. this 2 years of being engaged really teaches us a lot about everything. 

work/studies wise pun not so good. klau dikirekan, end of this year marks 3 years i'm doing my masters. dah mcm phd wei! so depressing to see your colleague who starts after you, finish first. i'm targeting and hope i can finish my labwork by end of this year. really hope i could settle the main work before i get married early next year. i wanna move on and start new. tapi just so happen that i got a difficult supervisor yang so perfectionist & sgt susah untuk lepaskan students. sighhh. oh well, i guess i just hv to work harder and try to accept her the way she is. tp mmg frustrated cuz there's no way out. semoga tak kene buli lagilah. aminnn!

i realize life's just too short to just be sad all the time. i wanna be happy and just enjoy the moment right now. 

p/s: i wanna start swimming again, and learn to cook and make soap and learn to sew. i need to have activities so i can take off my mind on unnecessary things. byknya nk buat tp sorg2 mesti hangat2 tahi ayam je. hopefully tak. who wants to join me? :)

raya 2012

hey hey selamat hari raya! maaf zahir batin.

my raya was oh-kaayyy. went back to kedah as usual visited istana and relatives. my sis in law tagged along this year. it was a bit more fun when she's around. kepoh! and she was all oh so excited going to the istana and makam taking pictures everywhere. hehe first time katakan. kinda make me realize that next year my raya will be different. there's a possibility that i might not beraya-ing with my family on 1st day raya but let 's just see how it will be. 

anyway kalau ade open house silalah invite. a lot of people saying i dah kurus now. saaad. i don't like being so thin. hopefully this raya will gain a lil bit of my weight back hehe. till then, enjoy some of the pics!

 siblings and sis in law and err lil nephew

 kak intan the cousin and her lil boy

 sis in law

 little rascals! (nieces and nephew)

 qistina

official family pic :)

don't judge.

when i read about the 'batman shooter' and found out that he's a phd student, first thing come to mind is that i can sooo feel him. not that i agree on him shooting and killing people, but i can understand how he could be..well like they say, mental illness. 

when you are so depressed and caught up with your emotions and lost control of it, it leads you to stupid things. i honestly have felt that (not to the point of killing lah). alhamdulillah, i believe we as muslims are prevented from that because we pray 5 times a day. that short 5 minutes every prayer brings you back to your senses. that's why solat is so important. 

most of the time people dont take this people seriously. sebab tu kdg2 depa ni rasa nobody listens to them or care about them. worse, they often judge. selalunya dieorg akan kata things like 'alah tu pun nk emo'. 'biasalah org lain pun stress'. see sometimes if you dont know what's going on, try to actually be more concern rather than saying things that could actually bring him/her down. eh macam talking about myself pulak.

yes i do feel like that sometimes. especially when i'm in that time of the month. depressed tahap dewa. siap google psychiatrists. i even asked my friend who is a psychology student. she said its ok to seek help, tak bermakna kita gila. society yang fikir mcm tu. kdg2 masalah tu kecik je. tapi kalau dibiarkan boleh jadi serious. i totally agree with her. 

my #gedz are the best. they're like my sisters already. pantang tweet pelik2 they immediately ask what's wrong and be concern. no matter how messed up i am, they're there to support me. luckily i have syib too. he often buat me fikir logik balik when i'm too caught up with negative emotions. 

why am i wiritng about this again? 

i guess what i'm trying to say is, don't judge but try to understand the situation. we may never know what the person is experiencing. or how dia dibesarkan, things like that. jangan cepat nk buruk sangka. 

i myself has been trying to improve myself. although mmg susah sgt nk berubah to be better. but i guess niat tu penting. i learn to be more bersyukur and sabar and bersangka baik. bulan ramadhan ni, syaitan takde. so we know that whatever bad things we do is what we have become. saaad kan? teruk rasa diri ini. 

to friends/families reading this, i apologize if i ever said bad things or annoyed all of you. let's try to be better shall we? moga Allah beri kekuatan. amin!

still going strong.

i know i have been complaining a lot about getting married and everything related to it. i somehow realized i may have made myself look so pathetic and as if i'm desperate to be married. rasa macam dh malukan diri sendiri for the past year of being engaged. i'm sure a lot of ppl have been judging me.

'relax lah. it's not the end of the world.' some may say.

i always ask myself 'kenapa nak rasa mcm ni', 'kenapa nk stress sgt tak kawin lg','kenapa nk cepat sgt'.

tak fahamlah. but still the feeling comes and goes. 

talked to a friend about this and i'm so glad that she gave me her honest opinion. she thinks that i was not supposed to be engaged when i did because it gives a lot of pressure to me, syib and both our families. she thinks that we should be engaged when we are really ready especially on the financial side. that's why i myself am so pressured. because i myself has been so excited about it and telling people about it, and dreaming of what kinda wedding will i have etc. i already put my hope on it so when a lot of times it has been delayed and then friends getting married before me, i felt frustrated because i think i should be the bride.

i think what she said is really true and i totally agree with her. that's why i have that feeling. i know not many ppl understand the situation. bila dh bertunang ni, dh involve family, bila dh involve family, of course the pressure is on them too. and yeah byk masalah timbul. org selalu kata jgn tunang lama-lama, tunang ni byk dugaan. i myself before this tak percaya sgt cuz i thought alaa kalau tak bertunang pun ada dugaan jugak. bila dh rasa sendiri baru tahu. so people, jangan bertunang lama-lama. :p

anyway, can't look back now. people make mistakes. maybe ada hikmahnya. bila org keep on asking, they will keep praying for us. so i guess that's a good thing right?

i think me & syib too had learn a lot about each other these past few years. we've know each other for like 3 years now. been engaged for 1 year and a half. alhamdulillah still going strong. i think this experience matures me and makes our relationship better and more importantly prepare ourself for marriage life. we learned how to communicate and solve things and undersand each other. i think God has better plans for us, He knows when's the right time for us. i think if we ever did get married a year ago, we probably wouldn't be as matured as now. entah2 got problems when we're married. so yeah everything happens for a reason huh? mungkin ada orang yg kahwin awal but they have problems after married, maybe we have problems now to prepare ourself for a better marriage. insyaallah. amin.

kadang-kadang bila fikir, rasa macam susahnya la hai nk kawin in this life we live in. padahal kalau ikut hukum tu senang je. when i'm faced with all the dugaan, i felt annoyed with the adat and the rules. why do we need hantarans anyway? and then lelaki yg susah to carik duit ribu2 to kahwin? and then the hantarans should be this and that. tak boleh itu ini. weddings should be like this and that. it's so annoying. i'm just tired of all this kind of pressure. oh well. apapepun, have to face it anyway. tak follow nanti kata org muda ni tak ikut adat pulak.

from now on, i'm gonna try focusing more on preparing for the life after marriage than the wedding itself. a lot of ppl forget about this. too focus and excited about the wedding but forget to prepare on life after that. it's more exciting actually to share that with syib about the future. weddings just gives ppl headache. i've experience this with my friends' weddings and my brother's wedding. i know what to expect now. so let's just keep it simple and prepare on the marriage itself.

eh panjang pulak membebel. bottom line is, i wanna be a good wife to syib. i wanna be married so i can feel more complete, more organized, lebih tenang. sure peer pressure influences us, but that's not the reason why we wanna get married. we are so in love with each other and we already know from the beginning that we wanna spend the rest of my life with each other. insyaallah.

pls don't stop pray for us. part of me just wanna get over it cuz that way, everyone will be happy. :)

p/s: sapa yang experience bende sama faham lah. :P

btw just wanna share this video with u olls on 'kesan heboh pertunangan'. a reminder for me and you. bila dah rasa baru faham ade sebab kenapa bertunang tak patut dihebohkan. indah kan islam ni. every rules in islam ada hikmahnya.

late 20s.

i turned 27 last friday. i realized i'm already in the late 20s. sigh i'm getting ooooold. 

was in a pms mood that week so i was sooo looking fwd for the weekend to relax and enjoy. it was a nice weekend indeed. 

had dinner with #theusualsttdi friday night then the next day me & syib went to watch madagascar 3 which turned out to be boring compared to the first two. right after the movie, we went for phone shopping! it's been a while that i'm stressed out with my blackberry (so many problems!) and i really wanted to get a new one. it's just that i don't know what phone to buy and to really find something within my budget and really worth it. i'm not really tech-crazy sangat pun but after much consideration, i decided to buy this!

it's over my budget a lil bit but i think it's worth it. i always hate touch screen phones but now i just gonna need to get used to it. so far, i'm lovin it. to smartphone users, pls share what apps that are interesting to download. :)

anyway, the next night i had dinner with the family together with syib as well. dad offered to belanja dinner so i specifically requested restoran nelayan. i love the food there! 

 the food

#theusualsttdi

all in all, i had a great time over the weekend. it was a good birthday celebration with my loved ones. hope i can achieve what i want in the future insyaallah. amin. kita merancang, tuhan yg menentukan. 

sunshine after rain.

actually malas nk cerita kisah sedih2. especially yang related to family. but last week mmg rasa sedih sangat-sangat. my parents suddenly asking and saying things that they shoudn't. seolah-olah macam losing trust in syib. and what's more hurtful is that everything they said is as if they don't trust me and my decision. mcm2 they said like 'will i hidup selesa with him?', 'betul ke he's the right one?'.emosi lah jugak 2,3 hari sbb rasa sgt frustrated. risau, marah, confuse, kecik hati sangat-sangat. but at the end of the day, i understand that they are worried. mungkin bile tunggu lama they feel that syib didn't treat me well. but he did. just that dieorg tak nampak. plus something bad happened to nda's nephew so i understand that dieorg suddenly risau sangat.(the bride cancels the wedding the night before nikah). 

talked with syib about this and we both agreed that maybe because syib pn dah lama tak dtg jumpa my parents. so they are not convinced. it's a wake up call for both of us. maybe he should spend more time with my family and i should spend more time with his family too. 

anyway, slow talked with them and opened my heart and they understand already our situation. i feel relieved. and alhamdulillah, good news is coming. it's not confirmed yet but insyaallah. :)

just like the saying, there's always sunshine after the rain. :)

Hani's big day.

Alhamdulillah. one of my besties, Hani finally got married earlier this month with her long time sweetheart, Efan. So happy for her. Gonna miss the times where we go here and there survey-ing stuffs for weddings and meeting with different vendors. pengapit yg efisyen lah katakan. i have to say this is the most tiring wedding i'm been involved in. Probably because most of the things are DIY and it's a girls wedding (duh!). Few days before the wedding me and the usuals were busy lepak-ing at her house and helped her with a lot of stuffs. Even on the reception night, tetibe je semua jadi wedding planners to make sure everything run smoothly. hehe. She turned out to be a bridzella on the big day cuz some things don't turned out the way she planned. huhu baru je cakap she's the most calm bride ever, on the big day ha kau baru nampak. 

Anyway it's a nice experience planning and helping out with her wedding. I learned a lot and yes, we must accept some things may not turned out the way we want or planned. Clash with family opinions lagi. huish jgn cakap lah. i now understand why she so stressed out with her family. Generation gap thing i guess.

Apapepun, it all turned out well alhamdulillah. Met some childhood friends and it was fun. I wish Hani & Efan the best of everything. Semoga bahagia hingga ke syurga! :)

Postgraduate.

Makin tua, makin lah malas & xde bende nk di blog. tak gitu? ok maybe just me. 

nothing much lately. just after my experiments failed, i need to find new informations to cover up my research. sort of like change the scope a bit, add-ons, to make the research i'm doing more..well..'bermakna'. i was sad at first, rasa mcm ya allah 2 tahun buat pastu takde hasil yg 'bermakna'. tp masih di tahap mempositifkan diri utk berjuang. cewah. 'sikit je lagi..'. keep telling myself that. walaupun time schedule dh lari sikit, i still wanna target to finish it by this year. altho kebarangkalian utk supervisor drag kt tu ada. 

kdg2 tu mmg rasa mcm loser gile. ape je lah aku dpt from 2 years of studies nih. rs useless kdg2. never participate in any conference before sbb xde results yg 'bermakna' (ok i jelah tau maksud 'bermakna' tu ape kot). have one conference in langkawi on july which i am scheduled to participate tp entahlahh mcm malu je nk masuk dgn results tahape hape. 

sejak zaman skolah lagi i always feel inferior. rasa sungguh kerdil diriku. i'm this type of girl yg sgt lah blur, yg susah nk faham something, yg lampi, yang tk boleh nk fikir & solve secara spontan. even smpai skrg masih ada all these things. surrounded pulak dgn kwn2 yg pandai2. lagi2 pulak ade colleague yg start masters later than me tp die dh nk habis dh. mak rasa sgt down la noks. 

tp takpelah. susah2 dulu, senang2 kemudian ye dak? *sedapkan hati* walaupun rasa jealous tgk kwn2 yg dh ade successful jobs & financially stable. i want that. i wanna have that feeling of 'successful & stable'. i wanna be a successful chemist. i wanna feel proud of myself. i think i'm far from that now.

tp tulah. this is the journey that i chose so i have to deal with it. actually seronok jd student, learn new things, flexible times. yg tk bestnya bile x dpt results yg di cari & the other thing financial la kot. have to berjimat cermat sbb duit pun cukup2 makan. 

sooner or later i will graduate. insyaallah. i'm targeting this year but gonna leave it to takdir. just go with the flow and enjoy life. cuz sblm ni target pastu frust. same goes with marriage smue. before this been targeting to get married at so and so time and graduate at so and so time lepas tu tk dpt, i feel frustrated. so now i'll try not to mengharap sgt. Allah tahu mane lebih baik kan? so chill je lah. i'm still young. *sedapkan hati lagi* 

anyway check out phdcomics.com for laughs. (comics for masters/phd students)

and oh, they have a movie too! sangatlah something i can relate to!

"not yet but within the year"

when i found out about this trailer, i laughed. this is so similar to what me & syib are experiencing. i can definitely relate to that! the delay, the things that been going on, challenges, the people around that keep asking, ppl worried about not being able to attend the wedding etc.

sama doh.

of course i haven't seen the movie and it's not even released yet i think. but i kinda have the idea of what's the story about.

i hope we won't be engaged that long. amin!

she loves him.

i gotta say i'm proud of my fiance for having his works recognised by the top photographer in Malaysia, Saiful Nang. i mean, how exciting is that? and then to be given a job by him? wow wow wee. His landscape photos has improved a lot now. although i tak reti la sgt nk appreciate photos deeply & details like him kan. but i can see the potential. lebih2 lagi, dh ber'kawan' dgn Saiful Nang skrg. who knows he can be a landscape/travel photographer then i can go travel with him! Eh?

alhamdulillah. consider it rezeki for him. and for us too. lebih byk dpt job, lebih income, then can kawin! yeay! but then obviously he'll be busy with his job than with me. :(

haih sacrifices i guess.

a friend once posted a quote:

"kesetiaan perempuan diuji bila lelaki itu tidak mempunyai apa-apa, kesetiaan lelaki diuji bila dia mempunyai segalanya"

so true isn't it?

i feel like this is one of the biggest challenges for me. to stay with him & support him no matter what. kalau ikutkan bisikan2 yg x brape elok, mmglah slalu je rasa kan best kalau i met up with someone yg kaya, yg more stable. x payah nk tunggu lama2 and frustrated every time. but then x semestinya yg kaya & stable tu will make me happy. besides, mcmlah ade org kaya nak kat aku. :P

i guess this is the time God wants me to learn rasa susah. plus mr fiance works really hard and i have to thank him for that. and i have to be really really bersyukur.

i can't wait to be married to him and i hope our marriage will work. hopefully soon. insyaallah. pretty pls doakan. :)

acceptance

last weekend i had a mamak-ing session with my sis-in-law. yeap just the two of us. my brother fell asleep while waiting for her to finish her work. lol.

anyway, it's nice to have that conversation with her. first time after a while, i had someone to talk to about things that i felt uncomfortable talking to other ppl. kind of sisterly talk kinda thing, whatever that means. i never had a sister so yeah.

we talked maturely about family issues mostly. like how there are times that me & my brothers felt a lil bit hard to accept the new 'mum'. not that she's bad or anything but maybe it's still new and we're trying to adapt to changes.

my dad has always been the kind of person who is not so sensitive, not good in communicating with us that at times we felt frustrated. but considering the way my dad had been brought up (without a father & without a real close family rltnship), it's understandable. Dad has always been in boarding schools and all so he grows up independently without proper family bonding.

i didn't like to tell a lot about this to ppl. cuz i know ppl will tend to judge my father and i don't like that. only we the siblings can judge him because we know him better. or at least i know him better. my brothers mmg x pernah nk amik pedulik. communicate pn susah. so don't ask them. lol.

i know ppl keep asking me if i'm okey that it becomes annoying now. stop that already!

anyway so the talk comes to the frustration of not getting married soon and all, stress of my studies (tht i have to change my scope), travelling experience, our dreams and so on. sad and happy.

i learn something. if i cannot accept things now the way they are, i surely cannot move forward. and i surely cannot be happy with what i have now.

and i have to learn to control my emotions because i suck at it.

so in the hope of finishing my masters this year, get a job, get married, hv kids and getting a happy family, let's have that positive vibe on! insyaallah.

p/s: no idea what's the objective of this post. just for the sake of updating. lols!

just for fun.

i am now on tumblr. :)

mzhana.tumblr.com

bye 2011, hello 2012.

pejam celik, we're already in the year 2012. this year i'm going to be 27! yikes!

anyway, new year's eve was celebrated like always. bbq & potluck, quality time with the usuals at my place. chilled out and watched fireworks from home sweet home by midnight. nothing much but i like it.

i think 2011 has taught me a lot about patience and to be thankful. i'm still learning though, but i think i'm more positive now than before. alhamdulillah.

dad got married middle of the year and my brother just got married recently. as for me, i am now engaged to syib for a year already. takde rezeki lagi to kawin but i guess God knows what's best for us. some of my friends are already planning to get married or even planning to have a baby. i got jealous a lil bit but oh well, no need to be so dramatic about it. harapan smoge dimurahkan rezeki for this year and wishing all the happiness for my friends. :)

some of my 'azams':

1. to study & work hard on my research to finish labworks by middle year.

2. nk jadi org yg lebih beriman.

3. to not sleep after subuh for a refreshing day?-yang ni lemah sikit. (i'm sooo not a morning person)

4. to be more positive and less dramatic/negative.

5. to be more healthy (eat well & exercise more? hmm let's see)

6. to be more happy with everything that i have.

amin amin. hope i can do this.

things that i look forward to this year:

1. hani's wedding. (glad to be her pengapit :) )

2. sue's bertandang in kl @ saloma bistro.

that's it for now. teehee. may this year brings more joy and happiness for me, mr fiance, my family and my dearest friends! amin. :)