atuk.

my atuk passed away early yesterday morning. i was a bit shocked when achik called around 2am and told me 'atuk dah takde'. after suboh prayers, me, my dad and bro went straight to atuk's house. i was a bit sad cuz i think around last week, my dad ajak pegi jumpe but i refused cuz i was tired at that time so mcm fikir, maybe next wkeend or something. no wonder these past few days teringat2 jugak le kat atuk.

atuk died in his sleep. achik realized this cuz normally atuk will call her name or the maid's name every 5-10 mins cuz he always have difficulties to sleep. thats what the maid told me.

achik lives with atuk. she's not married. she doesnt have her own family. she took care of atuk for years. and now, when i put myself in her situation, i feel so so sad. pengorbanan achik taking care of atuk jauh lagi berat from the time i took care of my mother. i always complain before this, that i feel so alone after my mum passed away. well now, imagine achik.

bila cium jenazah atuk, rasa sedih sangat. i didn't expect myself to cry that much. things i'll always remember about atuk is that he's really a strong man. sure sakit every now and then, but he managed to pull himself together i guess. nyanyuk-nyanyuk atuk, itulah yg akan we all slalu ingat. lupe lupe atuk, but he always remember me!

atuk mmg comel. dan yg plg tak lupe, atuk mmg slalu advise cucu-cucunya, 'belajar rajin2', 'keje elok2'. walaupun every time jumpe sure kene update blk tgh buat ape skrg. and after 5 seconds, dea akan tanye balik the same question. so cute.

atuk will always be remembered. so does arwah opah. and arwah mama. may they rest in peace. semoga mereka ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 mulia. amin.

Al-fatihah Hj Zulkifli B. Abd Rahman 1918-2010.

2010.

new year started with a simple celebration (well, sort of) with the usuals. nothing much but just simple eating-pizzas-playing-uno-get-together kinda thing. watched fireworks just outside my home sweet home on midnight. x payah susah2 nk pegi tempat ramai2. serabut.

for the ones yang sebaya, 2010 is the tahun suku abad weih. we're gonna be a bunch of 25 year olds! nooooo. forever 21~!

this few days of new year started dgn tidak penuh semangatnye. patut new year, azam baru, lagi semangat kan. pfft. but because of the few long weekends, it kinda affects the mood to work or study. plus, i had one of the worst pms; period pain & mood swings everywhere since last 2 weeks. so agak tak berjalan sgt la all the work/studies.

ni baru nk mule balik. i need some motivation. momentum to study tu agak lost but i know i'll find it somewhere. good luck to me~! :)

Happy New Year Everyone. :)

akhir tahun.

its almost the end of the year! a few days left and we'll be in the year 2010. sungguh cepat masa berlalu.

i bet next year gonna be like the wedding year. ramai betul orang nk kawin.

as usual, azam baru tahun depan:

1. to study hard and smart for the masters. no pressure plz.

2. to stop feeling sad of my late mum (although i miss her a lot). move on plz.

3. to be more positive. buang itu negativity.

4. to stop thinking too much. lol.

hope this coming new year brings more joy and happiness to me. amiiinn. :)

sunday blues.

harini aku bangun pagi dan rasa sedih sangat. malam tadi aku mimpi yang bukan-bukan. salah satunya aku mimpi arwah mama meeting up with the bf. arwah mama suka sangat aku dah jumpe somebody. tiba-tiba aku jadi emo dan sedih sebab teringatkan arwah mama. aku teringat dia kate sebelum dia pergi dia nak sangat tengok anak-anak dia kahwin. tak sempat. :(

tapi dahlah, malas nk sedih-sedih. penat.

redha, dan sentiasa doakan mama. i still have the ppl around me to make me smile. :)

mungkin itu petanda dia happy yang aku dah happy. kot. (pandai-pandai je wat assumption)


currently reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister Keeper yang cite pasal a leukemia's patient and how the family go through with it, conflicts and everything. it reminds me a lot of my mum.

so now i blame the book!

tapi nk bace jugak smpai habis sbb best. pfft.

home sweet home. :)

i'm finally home! after 2 weeks away.

done with the registration. now i'm officially a student. chaiyok chaiyok!

sabah trip was good. hiking up mount kinabalu was super duper tiring, mental habis ah. ended up with sakit kaki yang amat, cracked lips, rusukku sakit dan macam-macam lagi. but it was a nice experience indeed. the view up there, terbaiks.

going down is a LOT tougher than going up. plus, dengan kakiku yg sakit, i climbed down in pain!

thumbs up to my dad cuz at his age, he managed to reach the peak and go down safely. gua lagi pancit ok. :P

we didn't go sightseeing that much cuz after the hiking part, smue dh sakit2 badan, sakit2 kaki. we did pass through Ranau town and Kundasang. Kundasang view was awesome. Then we just walk around pekan KK. we had a chance to eat seafood at one famous seafood restaurant there. crabs, prawns, fishes there besar besar gabak. the last night i was there, i met up with Sue, my dear good friend.

all in all, best la! will i go hiking up mount kinabalu again? maybe. but i need real training next time. :P

see the trail? mental mental.

this is my dad at Laban Rata, where we rest for a couple of hours before continue our journey to the peak.

on the way to the peak.

sampai puncak sudah!

more pics will be uploaded on my FB. :)

cuti.

esok cuti!

for 2 weeks :) (in a way la.)

going to sabah tuesday. balik kl on sunday. the next day pergi JB for the masters registration, stay there for a week.

lotsa things nk setel for the registration. leceh betul. penjamin la, saksi la, yuran kene byr online tanak cek la, setem hasil la, medical check up la, nak follow up for the grant application lagi. pastu aku plak buat last2 minute kan. pandaaaaai.

then after that, bermulalah perjuangan saya. semoga Allah always with me. ceh mcm nk pergi war je. tapi mcm war pun ape, research kot.

(hana, pls dont quit this time. this is what u want. follow ur heart.)

budak sunyi dan pari-parinya.

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

andaiku takdir di sini
rangkullah aku
peluklah aku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

sempatkah aku ke sana
ku takut semua
hilang bernama

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

hanya kerna cinta yang ini
aku berserah tinggi kepada-Mu

yang Maha Esa
ku butuh cinta dia

engkau yang Maha Esa
agungkan cinta ini

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

dan suatu hari nanti
akan tiba seorang
memuja cinta kamu
meminta hati kamu

rangkulkan hati itu
dan hulurkan pada Dia
tanya pada tuhan kamu
apakah dia untuk kamu?

-fynn jamal