ctot's reception.

last wednesday night was a beautiful wedding night for a good friend of mine. we were crazy roommates back in UTM. i still remember the days where we used to study together, watch dvds together, karaoke together and late night lepaks at alif (famous mamak in skudai). along with other close UTM friends, we often went for sleepovers at her house back in JB while her parents are not in. i was sort of close with her family too (her dad exspecially cuz he's the dean of our faculty!) and being the pengapit of the night is a nice experience even though it was the first time for me for such a grand night!. funny how she was the one who was very choosy when it comes to men and she never really had a boyfriend before. her husband is her first and last love. and how cute it is that her husband is much shorter than her cuz she is naturaly very tall. lol.

so i pray for my fren's happiness, may they always be together forever. :)


tk sempat to take the pics as i was busy being the pengapit but i managed to take a few and curik from a fren.

make up session

all set!

the pelamin

comel kan? mcm kakak dgn adik. lol. he is such a nice men and very mature in person.

the girls

i stalk this man.

i knew about him some time ago. only recently that i started to read his blog and watch his videos. the fact that he is so strong despite his condition really touch my heart. and for some reasons, he reminds me of my late mother.

to fight cancer is not easy. to take care & to give support for a cancer patient is another thing.

al fatihah mas afzal & my dearest mama..








The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The people most severely tested are the Prophets, then the righteous, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with the degree of his religious commitment; the stronger his religious commitment, the stronger his test."

[Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (7:78)]

go(blog).

so i've created two new blogs! weeee. (semangat tk? :P)

nothing much actually but one blog is about wedding stuffs and the other is on my research.

since i'm getting married probably end of next year, i think i should already start with the preparations. and ppl keep reminding me about the venue & said 'dewan kene book awal!'. ok fine. so i start surveying the venue and secara tk langsung nye survey la jugak other wedding-related stuffs. i realize there's A LOT of things to do. so the blog is to make it easier for me to look at & share all the stuffs related and probably ppl too can share opinions & ideas! (am i too excited for this? is it too early? :P )

so the other blog is what i plan to share on my research and what i've learn along the way. there's a lot i've learnt so far, too much information that sometimes makes it hard for me to remember everything. so the blog is kinda my revision on everything i know and to link all the things/websites related to my project. it's inspired too from a professor that shares everything about his research on his blog.

so feel free to visit if u want!

http://socalledbridetobe.blogspot.com/

http://myedustory.blogspot.com/

calon.

so me & my lil bro met up with (so-called) papa's 'calon'.

i dont know how to react to this. i dont know why it bothers me anyway. mixed feelings. kejap sad, kejap okey. confusing.

yeah i always wanted him to meet someone so that ade org boleh teman him. jaga him. but bile dh nmpak mcm serious ke arah tu, there's a voice inside my head that says 'mane boleh!', 'nobody can replace my mum!' and 'i can take care of him!'. another voice will go 'she's not gonna be a good wife for u!' tapi bile pikir blk, apekejadah aku nk pkir sgt nih.

i guess i shouldn't be judging ppl based on appearance or 1st impressions. nobody is perfect. so i'm just gonna go positive about this for now.

a piece of advise from a friend. 'she won't be the same as ur mom. she won't. but at least, accept her as a friend pn dh ckup'. and my fiance ask me to give him a chance and always pray good things for him.

fiiiiineeeeeeeee.

tetibe jumpe video ni.






ok. kelakar wei.

risau.

i used to called my late mom a paranoid bcuz she worries about almost everything.

she worries about me driving alone at night.

she worries about me going to the shops alone (even if its just walking distance).

she worries when i go out with some random guys.

she worries when i'm sick. (she worries it'll be worse)

she worries about everything!

i sometimes thought that she was over protective and over caring.


now, i think i become just like her. i worry about almost everything. i think too much. and i become very sensitive.

and i hate it.

have u ever have that feeling when u care so much about people that u just want them to be happy and u dont want anything bad for them?

this is all so ridicolous and confusing.

crap. i feel old and i miss my mum. :(

change.

i freak out sometimes when he becomes more and more (sort of) religious. not because of him, but because i'm like waaay different. it's not like he's an ustaz or something. he's just trying to be better in the hope of being a good husband, which i respect and i like. only thing is, i'm scared i couldn't be a good wife for someone that is sooo good to me. i judge myself sometimes, which i know i shouldn't because even he never judges me at all.


so i chatted with a friend of mine who's married to an imam. and she said,


".ermm ***** bkn jenis paksa terus tukar semua benda,smpi dkt 5 thn kawin pon,kita still pakai jeans semua..hehe tp bila dh kawin lain,awak syg dia lebih sbb awk isteri dia,sure awk ikut sikit2 :) sblm kita kawin pon,kita fikir benda sama dgn awk jugak :) takpe perlahan2, insyaallah"


no wonder nowadays asyik nk carik loose clothes je. tk sedar dh change a little. :P

laptop handbags.

i want these...








cuz they look good, plus i dont have to bring extra bag as my handbag. get it? easier cuz i'm bringing my laptop everyday to office/lab to do my works.

but...dh carik tak jumpeee. all these bags i found on the internet are designer bags and its so expensive. i wonder where can i get one with an affordable price too. suggestions?

13.11.2010.

i met him almost 2 years ago at an island. i was following a good friend of mine, puchi, for an island getaway with her coursemates of UITM. we didn't talk that much to each other while we were there unlike the others. back to our hometown, we (the others on the trip) kept in touch with each other including him. the first time we went out together, that was the time we got to know each other better. honestly, on that day, i knew that he's the one.

we quickly clicked and fell for each other. it happened also with full encouragement from wan and puchi constantly telling us that we'd make a good couple (lol. thnks guys). in just weeks (i think) of dating, we're already talking about marriage! crazy i tell ya.

he always tell me in his own way that one day, he wants me to be his wife. that i think, is the proposal. right from the beginning.

then one night, he surprised me with his plan. to get engaged a month later. no bended knee or romantic proposal like in the movies, he spoke directly to my dad. i was shocked but happy. and i think the sincerity is the most romantic thing ever.

so here we are, engaged to each other. with hope that our rezeki dimurahkan dan dimudahkan so that we can finally get married. i was worried too at first since he's not financially stable yet, but this hadis kinda change my mind a lil bit.

'tiga golongan yg berhak ditolong Allah ialah pejuang di jln Allah, hamba yg ingin merdeka dan orang2 yang ingin berkahwin'

Allah Maha Mengetahui.

raya 2010

apparently, my uncle at kedah built this rakit/boat thingy for the river behind atuk's hse so we took a chance to experience the err..not so very clean river-cruise a day before raya.

spend a lot of time with these 3 little whackos. kinda miss them already.

family photo!
(abang could not make it as he just got a new job at that time and could not take a leave)

back to kl, raya-ing with mum's side of the family, anita's engagement and oh, abang & astra engagement!

and of course, the annual raya gathering with the usuals. :)

not so many open houses this year. looking fwd though for a raya gathering with the gedz (if everyone's available).

bliss!

7th September 2010

hello hello!

it's been a while since i've blogged. been kinda busy with work/studies. lotsa things in mind to blog but it didn't come out perfectly in words!


anyway, i'm currently preparing for my 1st stage presentation for my masters. it took quite a while for me to actually put together everything in place, proposals and everything. one year baru betul2 faham! actually still blur2 but i think i've improved a lot. byk ilmu dh dpt. it's not that easy u know!

sadly to say, a week after raya, i got an elective class i need to attend. on weekends! both days, 9 to 5. oh well. oh and that weekend too, my family gonna go for rombongan merisik/bertunang for my brother. guess i couldn't join them. hope everything goes well with that.

and the week after, i'll be going to JB for my presentation. this one is like one of the very first big evaluation of the students. presenting the proposal of individual's research in front of all the professors, lecturers and students. dh lame tak present wei. cuak gak la. hope everything goes well with that too.

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ramadhan is coming to an end! i gotta say, this year's ramadhan i've been better than before. kesedaran tu brtambah sket la. thanks to syib yg banyak bimbing. belum jadi suami lagi ni. alhamdulillah. although most of the time, i always feel like i dont deserve him and he deserves a lot better. maybe i'm still accepting the fact that a guy that nice would wanna be with me. oh well. if i keep complaining about this, i think my frens would just be mad at me. right guys?

oh and there's that one night where syib came to my hse and had buka puasa with me and my dad followed by terawih prayers together. i was simply..well, happy of course. finally he meets my dad showing how serious he is. thank god everything went well. they actually get along pretty well. :)

raya as usual i'll be balik kampung to kedah visiting my relatives there. although ramai dh yg tak balik but my dad still nk balik kampung halaman die tu, so layan jela. preparations for raya? simple je. kuih raya pun beli from friends and tk banyak like last year. had my baju raya tailored and ter-beli another baju kurung. hehe. that's it.

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oh, one more thing. few of my close friends are planning to get married by next year. fai and fadhilah's getting married around april. another two friends (i cant mention their name) planning to get engaged by january and april. wan's planning to get engaged for a few months and nikah by the end of the year. not to forget my dearest ex-roomate is getting married by this december and i'm gonna be her pengapit! happy happy for them! but then, bila very close friends are getting married, the pressure is on! but oh well, jodoh di tangan tuhan kan. God knows well.



chow for now!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

:)

Ramadhan.

Selamat Berpuasa dan Menyambut Ramadhan.

Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih diberkati.

Amin.

the sweetest thing.

i just realize one thing.

maybe, just maybe, he/the other half/the bf was sent to me by God to make me a better person.


ok spiritual sangat pulak bunyik nyer. lol.


the thing is, i'm just touched and amazed of his sincerity.

he's so wanna be a good husband to me someday. a perfect husband.

betul, seorang suami tu besar tanggungjawabnya. and dah mmg idaman aku nk ada suami yg beriman dan boleh membimbing aku menjadi org yg lebih baik.

tapi tak sangka la pulak preparationnya begitu dasyat skali. terharu beb.

starting a few months ago, he was constantly learning to be better. belajar ilmu agama, cuba untuk solat di masjid everytime prayers. what's even better, apa dia belajar die ajar aku jugak. so secara tak langsung aku pn belajar sama2 which is a good thing really.

everytime we go out, die suka bawak aku pergi masjid untuk solat. macam semua masjid pun aku dh masuk. ok tipulah semua. tapi banyak la. lol.

he also bought me some islamic books which surprisingly i find them interesting to read. macam eh, tetibe je bagi. pandai pulak tu pilih buku yg sesuai dgn jiwa aku.


sometimes i feel like he deserves someone better, he is waaaay too nice but come to think of it, maybe we were meant to be with each other. bak kata orang, saling melengkapi.

lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik.

what he did actually influences me to be a better person too. i know i'm not perfect, iman tak cukup kuat, but it's never too late to change bit by bit kan?

i'm also touched that he actually tries hard to find money for us to be married. with his photography jobs here and there, selling his photos online, applying scholarships, jobs. terharu, sangat terharu. i didn't realize he was that serious.

now what i can do is doa and bersyukur. bersyukur sangat-sangat.

moga-moga Allah panjangkan jodoh kami dan satukan hati kami satu hari nanti bile sampai waktunya. Dia lebih tahu mane yg baik dan yang buruk. after all, Dia yang menentukan semuanya.

all i know is, all the things he did are the sweetest thing ever. :)

15 days.

i'm back after 15 days being away. it was indeed the best trip ever. one nice, different and peaceful experience. masjidil haram is the best place to be. balik2 malaysia terus rindu. u can never get that kinda feeling here in malaysia. seronok!

1st stop was Madinah, where we spent a few days praying at Masjid Nabawi. our room from the hotel was facing directly to the mosque. view mmg baaaaik punyaaa but the sliding door to the balcony takleh bukak so x dapat nk amik gamba view masjid nabawi. pffft. the best part/place of the mosque is raudhah, which Rasulullah said one of the taman-taman syurga. sebelah tu makam Rasulullah, together with Saidina Umar and Saidina Abu Bakar. (i hope i get this right. lol. focus makam nabi je.) masuk2 je raudhah tu, setelah berhempas pulas berebut2 ngn mak2 arab yg badan2 besar tu, i dont know why, tetibe je berjurai2 air mata. sayu je rasenye. the worst part is i cant stop crying! sampailah dh keluar from raudhah tu. sangatlah pelik tapi doa je lah. oh apart from that, shopping kat madinah sangatlah menggoda iman. macam2 adaaa. and they're ridicolously cheap!

i was very nervous mase nk pegi mekah. dhlah ngn uztaz tu cite macam2, ade orang x nampak kaabah la, ade orang tetibe jadi ular la. sheessh, scary wei. time tu doa banyak2 supaya diterima. ceh cuak lebih plak kan. we arrived there at night, x silap around 10 or 11 camtu then terus pergi buat umrah. meaning sampai2 check in hotel then terus ke masjidil haram, mase tu dh almost midnight la kot. nampak je masjidil haram dari luar, ya allah cantiknyeee. mase tu dh ikut sorang uztaz yang hensem tu guide. lol. sambil bertalbiah masuk, nampak kaabah terus nangis. sayu, bersyukur, happy. smue ade. but this time leh mengawal perasaan unlike mase 1st time kat raudhah. aneh je. alhamdulillah, dptlah tawaf 7 kali and saie 7 kali. saie tu yg penat! tapi best.

so about a week kat situ, solat berjemaah jela kat masjid tu 5 times a day which is sangat seronok sbb RAMAI GILE orang pergi smayang. like every single person pergi solat. kedai2 pn tutup. kat malaysia mane jumpe camtu wei. lagi2 pahala satu solat di masjidil haram same dgn 100 000 kali solat di masjid2 lain. time suboh, mgrib and isya plg best sbb tak panas. haha. apart from that, adelah ziarah here and there. melawat tmpat2 bersejarah which i mostly dh tak ingat. pfft. nasib baikla ustaz2 hensem tu bercerita balik kisah2 nabi, baru lah dpt recall balik. it was fun! rase beruntung dpt tgk2 tempat2 tu smue.

hm wut else is there eh?

the ice cream and juices sangatlah sedap. enough said.

pak arab di madinah adalah gatal. suke2 je nk buat aku bini nombor 2 and pegang2. ape kes?

byk peminta sedekah kat tgh2 jalan. bukan tepi2 tau. tengah2. ustaz dh pesan awal2, kalau nk sedekah jgn bagi open, sbb kalau bagi sorang, semua akan datang kat kite. lol.

typical things. kurma, kacang, candies, shopping malls dea pn boleh tahan.

i guess thats about it. it was a fun trip indeed. ade perubahan? hm i hope so. slowly bit by bit. insyaallah. and i hope doa2 di sana dimakbulkan. skarang pun, i can see already some of them termakbul. alhamdulillah.

kalau dimurahkan rezeki, i want to go there again. kalau FREE, tiap2 tahun nk pegi. lol.

umrah.

so i'll be leaving for umrah soon. friday to be exact. nervous gileeeeeeee but excited and happy at the same time. all this thoughts came into my mind, 'bleh ke buat ni?', 'layak ke? solat pun tak perfect'.' bende sunat2 kat sini pun jarang buat, diterima ke kat sane?'.

i know i'm not a perfect muslim. sembahyang pun tak perfect, baca quran pun tak pakar. tapi mungkin dgn umrah ni, i'll be a better person. who knows? for me, ikhlas tu penting. dalam apape pun. i'll never do anything just because ppl asked me to, contohnye, mase 1st time pakai tudung, takde sape yang suruh. it comes naturally. i just feel i wanna wear it. memang, maybe dgn pakai tudung pun, i'm still not perfect but it gets better. we can't change drastically kan. at least ade niat.

the 1st time my auntie ajak pergi umrah with 2 of my cousins, niat tu ade tapi mungkin tak terbuka lagi hati. after a while, the other auntie nak pegi so ajak skali, at first nak tanak jugak, then tetibe ade problems with my auntie's passport, kene postpone. at that time rase mcm frust pun ade. mase tu baru rase that i really wanna go.

so alhamdulillah, dapat jugak pergi on this 14th. mmg berharap sgt dpt pergi this few months sbb nk buat in my 1st semester of study-tak bz sgt lagi. kalau masuk 2nd semester, most probably dh start bz, takut takde peluang nk pegi dah. walaupun in 2 weeks time tu, byk keje boleh setel. tapi takpelah, hopefully boleh siapkan apape yg patut before leaving and lepas balik harap2 smuenye berjalan lancar.


so anyway, i wish to apologize to all of you reading this blog kalau ada salah dan silap, terambik duit ke, terambik barang ke, mintak halalkan semuanya. doakan jugak umrah ni dipermudahkan dan diberkati oleh-Nya dan selamat pergi dan pulang. Amin. :)

where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?

anywhere with you.

not really my favourite weekend.

alkisah keretaku,


saturday

suis tingkap cannot function properly. windows stuck xleh tutup. tukar suis = rm135


sunday

handle pintu broken. cannot open dari luar. tukar handle = rm60

(alang2) tukar minyak hitam, oil filter = rm64


total = rm259


sekian terima kasih. :(

p/s: jaga kereta MEMANG macam jaga anak. pfft!

have u ever want something so bad it makes u cry?

these videos just moved me today. i watched the one with the baby story from na's blog and the other one (book of love) is tagged by wan.

sangat touching and sweet.

it makes me feel to wanna be married and have a baby (a family) so much more. like seriously tak tipu.

damn.

i guess when the time comes u'll realize what u want the most in your life huh?

love month.

i dont know why but maybe this love month just suddenly makes me feel so lovey dovey angau mode. and..of course, looking at ur close fren/ex-rommate engagement pics just didnt help. ceh padahal takde kene mengene, nk jugak jadikan alasan. this are one of the moments where i always look back at this. something he gave me when we got together.

and keep on saying..

'ur time will come, hana!'.

and..

'sabar itu separuh drp iman..'

and..

'keje la weih. angau plak!'


LOL

sayangilah kereta anda.

i had a car accident a few days ago. langgar honda city yg brek tibe2 and somehow i lost control pastu langgar blakang. luckily the lady tu baik and cooperate dgn begitu bagus sekali. except the fact yg dea nk jugak report polis. so agak leceh have to go to jln bandar tongah2 kl to repot.(now i know!) but oh well. experienceee.

impak maksima kat kreta tu takla sebesar impak maksima kat hati ni. and takla jugak sebesar impak maksima kat duit poket aku. lol. spent almost 1k gak la termasuk saman. *sigh* kenapelah jage kereta ni mcm jage anak orang? pfft.

lepas ni bwk ngn penuh berhemah(iye ke?). sayang doh kete walaupun viva je.

nasib tak bwk mini cooper s lagi.

atuk.

my atuk passed away early yesterday morning. i was a bit shocked when achik called around 2am and told me 'atuk dah takde'. after suboh prayers, me, my dad and bro went straight to atuk's house. i was a bit sad cuz i think around last week, my dad ajak pegi jumpe but i refused cuz i was tired at that time so mcm fikir, maybe next wkeend or something. no wonder these past few days teringat2 jugak le kat atuk.

atuk died in his sleep. achik realized this cuz normally atuk will call her name or the maid's name every 5-10 mins cuz he always have difficulties to sleep. thats what the maid told me.

achik lives with atuk. she's not married. she doesnt have her own family. she took care of atuk for years. and now, when i put myself in her situation, i feel so so sad. pengorbanan achik taking care of atuk jauh lagi berat from the time i took care of my mother. i always complain before this, that i feel so alone after my mum passed away. well now, imagine achik.

bila cium jenazah atuk, rasa sedih sangat. i didn't expect myself to cry that much. things i'll always remember about atuk is that he's really a strong man. sure sakit every now and then, but he managed to pull himself together i guess. nyanyuk-nyanyuk atuk, itulah yg akan we all slalu ingat. lupe lupe atuk, but he always remember me!

atuk mmg comel. dan yg plg tak lupe, atuk mmg slalu advise cucu-cucunya, 'belajar rajin2', 'keje elok2'. walaupun every time jumpe sure kene update blk tgh buat ape skrg. and after 5 seconds, dea akan tanye balik the same question. so cute.

atuk will always be remembered. so does arwah opah. and arwah mama. may they rest in peace. semoga mereka ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 mulia. amin.

Al-fatihah Hj Zulkifli B. Abd Rahman 1918-2010.

2010.

new year started with a simple celebration (well, sort of) with the usuals. nothing much but just simple eating-pizzas-playing-uno-get-together kinda thing. watched fireworks just outside my home sweet home on midnight. x payah susah2 nk pegi tempat ramai2. serabut.

for the ones yang sebaya, 2010 is the tahun suku abad weih. we're gonna be a bunch of 25 year olds! nooooo. forever 21~!

this few days of new year started dgn tidak penuh semangatnye. patut new year, azam baru, lagi semangat kan. pfft. but because of the few long weekends, it kinda affects the mood to work or study. plus, i had one of the worst pms; period pain & mood swings everywhere since last 2 weeks. so agak tak berjalan sgt la all the work/studies.

ni baru nk mule balik. i need some motivation. momentum to study tu agak lost but i know i'll find it somewhere. good luck to me~! :)

Happy New Year Everyone. :)