akhir tahun.

its almost the end of the year! a few days left and we'll be in the year 2010. sungguh cepat masa berlalu.

i bet next year gonna be like the wedding year. ramai betul orang nk kawin.

as usual, azam baru tahun depan:

1. to study hard and smart for the masters. no pressure plz.

2. to stop feeling sad of my late mum (although i miss her a lot). move on plz.

3. to be more positive. buang itu negativity.

4. to stop thinking too much. lol.

hope this coming new year brings more joy and happiness to me. amiiinn. :)

sunday blues.

harini aku bangun pagi dan rasa sedih sangat. malam tadi aku mimpi yang bukan-bukan. salah satunya aku mimpi arwah mama meeting up with the bf. arwah mama suka sangat aku dah jumpe somebody. tiba-tiba aku jadi emo dan sedih sebab teringatkan arwah mama. aku teringat dia kate sebelum dia pergi dia nak sangat tengok anak-anak dia kahwin. tak sempat. :(

tapi dahlah, malas nk sedih-sedih. penat.

redha, dan sentiasa doakan mama. i still have the ppl around me to make me smile. :)

mungkin itu petanda dia happy yang aku dah happy. kot. (pandai-pandai je wat assumption)


currently reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister Keeper yang cite pasal a leukemia's patient and how the family go through with it, conflicts and everything. it reminds me a lot of my mum.

so now i blame the book!

tapi nk bace jugak smpai habis sbb best. pfft.

home sweet home. :)

i'm finally home! after 2 weeks away.

done with the registration. now i'm officially a student. chaiyok chaiyok!

sabah trip was good. hiking up mount kinabalu was super duper tiring, mental habis ah. ended up with sakit kaki yang amat, cracked lips, rusukku sakit dan macam-macam lagi. but it was a nice experience indeed. the view up there, terbaiks.

going down is a LOT tougher than going up. plus, dengan kakiku yg sakit, i climbed down in pain!

thumbs up to my dad cuz at his age, he managed to reach the peak and go down safely. gua lagi pancit ok. :P

we didn't go sightseeing that much cuz after the hiking part, smue dh sakit2 badan, sakit2 kaki. we did pass through Ranau town and Kundasang. Kundasang view was awesome. Then we just walk around pekan KK. we had a chance to eat seafood at one famous seafood restaurant there. crabs, prawns, fishes there besar besar gabak. the last night i was there, i met up with Sue, my dear good friend.

all in all, best la! will i go hiking up mount kinabalu again? maybe. but i need real training next time. :P

see the trail? mental mental.

this is my dad at Laban Rata, where we rest for a couple of hours before continue our journey to the peak.

on the way to the peak.

sampai puncak sudah!

more pics will be uploaded on my FB. :)

cuti.

esok cuti!

for 2 weeks :) (in a way la.)

going to sabah tuesday. balik kl on sunday. the next day pergi JB for the masters registration, stay there for a week.

lotsa things nk setel for the registration. leceh betul. penjamin la, saksi la, yuran kene byr online tanak cek la, setem hasil la, medical check up la, nak follow up for the grant application lagi. pastu aku plak buat last2 minute kan. pandaaaaai.

then after that, bermulalah perjuangan saya. semoga Allah always with me. ceh mcm nk pergi war je. tapi mcm war pun ape, research kot.

(hana, pls dont quit this time. this is what u want. follow ur heart.)

budak sunyi dan pari-parinya.

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

andaiku takdir di sini
rangkullah aku
peluklah aku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

sempatkah aku ke sana
ku takut semua
hilang bernama

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

hanya kerna cinta yang ini
aku berserah tinggi kepada-Mu

yang Maha Esa
ku butuh cinta dia

engkau yang Maha Esa
agungkan cinta ini

sumpahkan aku ke sana
hidup bersama
mati berdua

ambilku dan bawa lari
kerna ku takut
tiada lagi

jangan kau puja
jangan kau hina
ikhlasku dan jujurku

dan suatu hari nanti
akan tiba seorang
memuja cinta kamu
meminta hati kamu

rangkulkan hati itu
dan hulurkan pada Dia
tanya pada tuhan kamu
apakah dia untuk kamu?

-fynn jamal

live like u're dying.

so i got the offer letter already! weeee~~

now i' m officially accepted to Program Pengajian Siswazah Sem 2 Sesi 2009/2010. registration will be on the 8th of dec and then there will be briefings on subjects,library, regulations and whatsoever on 10th and 11th. i guess i'll be at JB for a week then. yeay! bole jumpe kwn2 gak kat sane. ruby, confirmla umah ko jd mangsa aku menumpang. lalala.

i'll still be continuing my work at the cepp branch@enstek. the office gonna pindah soon to kl but not thaaat soon. probably june. excited + takuuut feeling. but this time, it feels right.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the family is planning to go to sabah 1st week of dec. one week maybe. and the plan is to go hiking up mount kinabalu! my dad tau yg ajak. 62 years old man, still wanna go hiking. the first question was ' larat ke papa?'. hahaha. aku ni mmg la excited je bab2 adventure ni. huhu. but plan je lebih, book nye ape pun tak lagi. my dad has a fren there yg gonna arrange for the hiking part and the accomodation as well kot. so kalau everything ok, jadi la kot.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

prayers for kak sara. baru dpt tau she got breast cancer. 50% recovery. cancer can just attack anyone huh? scaryyy. tak suke la penyakit taktau punca nih. tau tau je dh ade. camne nk prevent? haruslah jage kesihatan dr skrg ye kawan2. note to self jugak tu. haih.

i heard she's in US now doing treatment. chemoteraphy to be exact. just like my mum dulu. chemo chemo and chemo. urgh benci la chemo tu yg membunuh sbnrnye. chemicals!!

oh well. what to do. dh takdir. semoga k.sara sembuh. :)

live like u're dying and never stop trying
it's all you can do, use what's been given to you

Lenka

ba wau ra nge = boring.

this weekend is soo boring. tak brape nk ade aktiviti sgt la. and dgn keadaan yg berkeseorangan di rumah lagilah tak membantu kan. haih. papa, come back soon!

i was planning to go servis kete and basuh kete skali on saturday tapi in the end tak buat ape pun. pagi2 dh sibok basuh baju and kemas rumah everything pastu suddenly dpt call from One Utama, asking me to pick up the prize that i won for a contest which i dont even remember masuk pun. apparently i was the 7th prize winner for ntah ape punye contest ntah, dapatla OSIM's uPapa Massager which is quite cool tapi i dont think i'll be using it sangat sbb kuat gile ok. ni mengurut ke nk patahkan tulang orang? haha. so i guess bagi papa jela gune.

balik2 from OU, gitu gini pastu hujan. so tido la kejap. lps tu still hujan, so dh malas nk kluar and do anything. so i stay at home mengadap laptop main game. i was so bored i dont know what to do. plus i was agak marah with my brother so cam ah malas ah nk layan. dah down2 nangis2 ape smue so i went out to curve last night sorang2 do a little shopping. bought myself a bag and a blouse. huhu. shopping is a gooood therapy.

thought nk pegi tido umah my cousin sbb dh mcm tension duduk rumah, but then dh plan with hani and shira to go fish spa-ing at mid valley today morning (sunday) sbb ade coupon yg tk pakai2 lagi. and then sbb sangap we watched Pisau Cukur. funny movie. and the character Faqir is cuuutee. balik from mid valley, i'm still bored. ah bosannye duduk rumah yg sunyi sepi ni! pastu the bf lak busy and have so much to do with his family. hmmph. thank god fai and din ade, so we went lepak for a while at williams mkn chicken premium yum yum and ice blended mango longan. terbaaaik. (tetibe rase haus)

and tomorrow is working day already?! damnnn.

i wonder how my life would be bile dh buat masters. will it gonna be as hectic as i heard it would be? and i may not have time for my social life anymore? and the policy weekend means no work dh takleh pakai? damn. i hope i'll survive.

s**t la. boleh ke ni?

substitutes?

if you don't have the company of your parents anymore, you tighten your faith in God or tighten your relationship with your loved one and they will work as a substitute.-blogged by Liza.

oh that is so true!

at the end of the day, it all actually depends on ourselves to change the way things are and make us feel happy again.

when i lost my mum, i feel i have no one to turn to. the only thing i could do is to turn to God. i pray everyday that God would make me stronger. i took time to recite the quran or yassin every now and then after solat. at least once a week. i've tried to prevent myself from buat banyak dosa because i always think of arwah. dosa anak2 ditanggung mak bapak remember? kalau buat byk dosa, imagine how my mum would suffer dlm kubur. diseksa sbb dosa anak2. eiissh. and it's good to always sedekah ayat2 quran utk org yg dh takde. and that's how i learn and still learning to be better.

i was never really close to anyone of my relatives i guess. always berkepit with my mum. to them, i guess i look like a shy girl and very pendiam. padahal ngn memembe totally the opposite. after my mum passed away, no doubt i was lost. luckily my aunties selalu ambik berat and ask how i was doing. days after days, i became closer and closer to them. and my cousins too. even now, i think i'm getting closer to my dad's side of relatives. dulu i thought the formality in them yg make it a bit hard to be close. tapi alaa..sbnrnye diri sniri yg kene take action to make it work.

my relationship with my dad was never that close either. at times, adelah rase frust with my dad because he doesnt act like my mum (what?). expectations melampau ek. haha. but then, lame2 i feel much much closer to him. i understand that it's a struggle for him too to be a single parent. (kesedaran hasil dari tgk cite papadom. lalala.)

and then there's him. the one who always make me happy.


so yeah, they all work as substitutes.

kenape sounds wrong eh? ok fine. kesimpulannye, kt sndiri yg membentuk life kite. bak kate ade orang tu; mcm bwk kete, kene pandang depan, kalau tak accident, kalau tak start gear, tak jalan. :)

believe in yourself.

omg.stop.

ah benci lah. semua pun sibok cite pasal kahwin. saje nk jealouskan la tu. diammaaah.

eceh. padahal aku yg pegi tanye2. aku yg pegi bace blog. aku yg pegi tgk gamba. sape suruuuuuh?!!

adeeei. parah dah nie.

nak jugaaaak jadi bini orang. lepas tu seteeeel. takyah pikir2 dah. tenaaaang. ade teman sentiasa. ade support sentiasa. buat keje pun leh focus. eceh. ye kee?confident dividen je.

ade orang kate, ktorg ni cepat sangat. belum pape dh gedebak gedebuk pkir pasal nk kahwin. tapi kalau dh rase it's the right one, salah ke kalau nk disatukan dengan keredhaanNya? 'bercinta lepas kahwin tu lagi bahagiaaa', bak kate ruby aka mrs jerry. yelah, name pun dihalalkan. mesti ah lagi berkat.

ok dah dah. kalau dia tau ni mesti dia marah. pkir macam2 je. padahal orang tu tgh berusaha nk carik duit. tapi sape suruh mention it in the first place?. ha ha sape yg salah.

adakah ini yg dinamakan sudah sampai seru?






i love it when u always make me laugh. :)

mal's birthday.

the usuals did a bbq nite yesterday at my place (as usual) to celebrate mal's birthday. although birthday sebenar is actually tomorrow. lalala.

and my hse now dh ade name baru. bilik gerakan the usuals. sbb activity the usuals mostly buat at my hse. lol.

selamat hari jadi akmal salleh.

sesungguhnya kita smue dh meningkat tua. tahun depan dah 25. eeeeeeeee scaryyyyyyyy.

persahabatan.

post ini mungkin diilhamkan dari blog seseorang. tapi post ini bukan bertujuan utk dikaitkan dengan apa-apa yg berlaku(mungkin sikit :P). post ini juga bukan bertujuan meng-follow blog seseorang itu. post ini datang dari hati. jadi ampun maaf kalau anda rase saya salah.


friendship is something yg saya sgt hargai. saya suke berkawan. saya berkawan dengan smue orang. unless org itu yg tak hingin nk kwn ngn saya. saya tak kesah. selama saya hidup, bermacam2 kawan saya jumpa. for me, kt tak sepatutnya memilih utk berkawan. mcm org cun dgn org cun je. org alim warak ngn org alim warak je. org educated ngn org educated je.

cuma mungkin susah utk kt memahami orang yg tak sekepala dgn kita. jadi kite memilih utk tidak berkawan dgn mereka. tapi manusia macam2 ragam. kt rase kt susah nk faham orang. tp cube fikir, org pun susah nk faham kita sbnrnye.

semakin kt tua, semakin kt rase persahabatan yg ade bersama kwn2 rapat kita semakin jauh. its about time maybe, at this age, semua orang dah mula melangkah ke hidup baru. smue dh ade responsibilities masing2. smue akan ada hidup masing2. tp saya percaya, persahabatan itu boleh kekal kalau berusaha dan kt mahu ia kekal. cume we need to figure out how.

saya pernah ade kawan2 rapat yg mana bila mereka ade kekasih, mereka lupakan saya. lupakan kawan2. ade juga yang pernah end up dgn lelaki yg saya pernah suke gile mase tu. saya sedih. saya marah. tapi disebabkan saya sayangkan persahabatan, saya make it work. saya maafkan mereka. saya cube memahami keadaan dan saya masih berkawan dgn mereka.

i dont really have a bestfriend. tapi i have a group of close friends yg saya sayang bangat. saya tak suka kawan2 saya sedih. saya tak suka kawan2 saya susah. saya selalu rasa nk tolong mereka sedaya upaya. saya cube tolong mana yg mampu. saya nak kawan2 saya juga happy. saya selalu doakan kawan2 saya. walaupun kadangkala mereka mengecewakan saya atau tak menghargai apa yg saya buat utk mereka.


to you and you(u know who u are), i hate to see u guys like this. i'm sure there's something that could make it work. ade orang kate lagi rapat kt dgn seseorang, lagi kuat dugaannya.

to tim, i miss u so much. aku rindu bebelan dan kesengalan ko. and how we always share our stories. mostly about families. cuz we understand each other rite? i hope ko tak lupe aku lagi.

to sitot, aku mmg kecik ati ngn ko sbb ko always busy with ur bf. takde time for us. tapi when i found out u're getting married soon and we talked on the phone, i can feel how happy u are. and i'm very very happy for u. finally ex roomate aku ni yg sgt susah to fall in love, jumpe dah 'the one' and akan dinikahkan tak lame lagi. kahwin aku nk meja VIP ok? :P

to all of u, semoga persahabatan kt kekal sampai bile2 ye. :)

awake.

"imagine walking at the mall, noticing a dress so beautiful u immediately fell in love with it. u want to buy but u're scared u might not need it, u might not wear it, takut tak mampu beli, takut membazir. u have this mixed up feelings, nak beli ke tak, but u really really adore it, u want it so bad. in the end, what the heck beli jelah. bcuz u just love it. "

"it's the same thing as ur feelings right now"



this is a simple yet great advice. glad i talked to you. i feel a lot better! thank you. :)

cuakness.

it freaks me out that suddenly i have all the feelings i never had before.

scared.

scared that i keep thinking about it.

scared that it might not happen the way i hope it would be.

scared that maybe i'm moving too fast.


i want it badly. i wanna have someone to always be my side. i wanna have a baby. i want my own family. i dont wanna go back to loneliness again.


i lost the one person i love the most. i cannot afford to lose one more.

not now.

oh God, pls pls pls make it work.




aaaa i miss my dad already..

500 days of summer.

cuuuuteeee movie. a unique, lain-dari-yg-lain romantic comedy film.

and my favorutite scene is the dancing part. i liikeeee..!

the weekend.

a fun weekend indeed.

had a small raya gathering with The Usuals on Saturday night. as we did every year since 2 years ago, wajib ambik gamba together gether with THE couch. only this year, ahli the usuals bertambah je. thanx syib and wan for joining us as well.

and oh, i so love this pic! :)

on Sunday afternoon, we went to Ili's wedding. a sweet purple and white theme colour wedding (my colour!), and she look gorgeous. met lots of high school friends there. congratulations on ur wedding, ili!

masters.

"memang at some point u akan rase nak give up and tak sanggup nk continue, but kene banyak bersabar because that is the challenge and the experience lah yang akan membentuk u in the future"


huaaaaaaaa. a little spontaneous motivation talk by the lecturers yesterday. agak membuka mata la. lagi2 kluar all their experiences stories during their masters and phd. damn their days were much more difficult. wonder how they did it. and kita nowadays still complaining with all the internet and everything. no wonder la my dad malas nk layan kalau mengadu susah, sbb time die lagiiiii susah.

rasa cuak pun ade jugak. i always wonder 'boleh ke aku buat master ni?'. time buat final year project degree pun dah stres gile nangis nangis nk terjun bangunan ape smue, apatah lagi masters. damn. that question slalu bermain2 kat kepala. tapi i think, if i can go thru that, i can go thru this kot(sedapkan hati).

but actually it's fun! susah tapi fun. exspecially if it is in the field of interest. thru my degree experience, rase macam penat lelah berhasil akirnya. bcuz i discover something and i learn A LOT. exploring new things ni sronok sbnrnye, mcm cite Mythbusters kat Discovery Channel tu. damn i wish i could be part of them. they make it look so easy and enjoyable. padahal kalau tak pakar mau tak pecah kepala pkir macamane nk solve.


some ppl work just for the sake of money(mostly kot). some ppl work for experience. some ppl work to explore more in their interest and learn something from the job.

i go for the third one.

tapi nk dpt job yg kite suke BAPAK SUSAH.

so my plan is, study dulu, explore dulu, then work in a personal care industry- learn some more for a few years then do my own thing-bukak business ke ape. woohooo. cita2 tinggi aje. 1st step pun blum lepas. pffft.

apapepun..

dear GOD, please be near me all the time so i can go thru all this sucessfully. :)


berita terkini: my office @ enstek is gonna move to KL soon. how soon is soon, wallahualam.

nasi ayam.

"sedap tak nasi ayam mak?"

"sedaaaap.."

"jumpe dah mak kaaan..happy tak?"

"segaaaan..."

"takpelah..dah jumpe...:)"

":)"

it was meet-the-boyfriend parent! sumpah segan nak mampos. and thanx to our fren yg lagi menyegankan diriku (wan, kalau ko bace ni mesti ko gelak2 kan? diammaaah.). dh mcm rombongan merisik dah dgn baju melayu, baju kurung bagai. 1st time kot, confirmla segan.

his mum sangatlaaaa baaaaik. mcm anaknye juge. and i'm impressed with his family, yg duduk rumah kecik je, tak mewah tak ape, tapi dah macam sempurna. happy. i realize, of course duit tu mmg amat penting untuk keperluan hidup tapi money can't buy happiness. kebahagiaan tu yg patut kt cari. kaya raya successfull tapi tak happy buatpe kan.

tp still kene la jugak carik duit. be prepared utk kehidupan seterusnye. banyak rupenye duit nk pakai for the future. haruslah usaha supaya our lives tak susah nnti. mintak dimurahkan rezeki. heh heh heh.

"kalau ade duit skrg dah masuk meminang ke?"

"yelaa..mestilaaa.."


heh heh heh. gedik tak? pedulik ape aku. happy kot. :)


when it feels right, IT FEELS RIGHT.

tapi manusia hanya merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan.

ke hadapan mz suhaila thien.

i miss minah kepoh ni a lot.

tomorrow is her birthday. so if u're reading this, happy birthday babe!! haha dah 24. welcome to the club!

i still remember all the good times when we used to always share our dreams and goals in life. and like always counting the years till we get married. everytime birthday je, kire brape tahun lagi nk 'hunting'. konon2 target kahwin umur 26/27. haha. i hope we achieve smue yang kita impikan. now dah jauh, susah nk share2 dah. :(

kahwin la cepat, boleh ktorg pergi sabah ramai2 bah.

i miss u suhaila thien!

Syawal.

this raya went back to kedah as usual. this year a bit longer cuz on 3rd raye we went from kedah to kelantan for a relative's wedding. JEM TERUK GILE BABAS! i'll never going there on raya by car anymore. stres! dahla on the day pegi kedah pn dah jem teruk. masuk kelantan pulaaak, bikin stres. i didn't know the traffic in kelantan on raye is thaat bad. it took us 8 hours from kedah to kelantan, and about 10 hours from kelantan to KL. 10 hours ok! boleh jadi gile duduk dlm kete lame2 sangap nak mampos. nk klua dari kelantan tu pun dh like 2 hours. kluar dr kelantan saje tau. grrrr. tamo pegi kelantan naik kete dah. :(

disebabkan stres yg melampau, i was a bit mad at my dad. sbb tak dscuss betul2 with us the trip to kelantan. i didn't want to go actually tp sbb my dad nk pegi sangat, layankan ajelah. because i think it's not really worth it, pegi jauh2 redah jem pastu pegi wedding like sekejap je. orang lain takpelah, they took the flight. pfft. me and my lil brother was not happy. balik rumah masing2 emo. terus mood raye faded.

but then mood raye tu adelah balik after beraye-ing with my mum's side of the family. pikir2 balik, maybe my dad pun didn't expect the traffic is thaaat bad and the journey is thaaaat long. and bcuz tak selalu jumpe, maybe he wanted to spend more time with them. haih. nasib baik aku masih boleh berfikiran matang. but still, no more kelantan trip on raya by car anymore!


done with the relatives, now beraye with frens plak. c u guys soon!



ade orang tu sanggup datang jejauh nk bagi kad raya. without me even knowing, letak kad raye dalam mailbox rumah. tau2 je dah ade. siap ngn duit raye shape love love plak tu. haha. so sweet! :)

rayeee. :)

wishing u all


Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri


Maaf Zahir dan Batin


:)

ramadhan sudah hampir berlalu...

i think this year's ramadhan i've been better. lagi rajin solat terawih. lagi tak membazir beli makanan. lagi tak banyak melepak. lagi banyak bersabar. alhamdulillah. hihi. proud of myself. except for one thing, barulah ingat nk puasa penuh. skali 'terkena' jugak akhir2 ni. damn.


meh selawat meh.





serious syahdu gile video ni.

God works in mysterious ways.

awak,

thank u sangat2 sbb slalu bimbing hana ke jalan yg betul.

thank u sangat2 sbb terime hana yg serba kekurangan ni seadanya.

thank u sbb tak prnh pndg buruk kat hana and respect hana.

thank u sbb sangat understanding.

thank u sbb sayang hana.

and most importantly, thank u Allah sbb temukan kite. :)

i guess pertemuan itu is the way for me to be a better person. to be closer to God. ade hikmahnya. and i think, i improve a lot.

while i was surfing the internet, i found this doa,


"Ya Allah..jika aku jatuh cinta..cintakanlah aku kepada seseorang yg cintakan-Mu...supaya bertambah kekuatanku untuk cintakan-Mu"



Alhamdulillah.

iftar with the usuals.

after so long tak jumpe together-gether, we meet again! we had our buka puasa at Manhattan Fish Market @ Ikano last sunday (seafood platteeeer sedaaaaap). did celebrate birthdays of the septemberians as well. happy birthday shaz, sue and fadhilah! i had fun, till we meet again for raye!




suddenly rindu gile babas kawan2 lame, matrix frens, work friends, semue2 la yg susah nk jumpe. rase mcm nk ajak smue skali dtg umah for raye. haha.

betul ke?

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


('get to know yourself better' @ quizbox.com)

fynn jamal.

another awesome poetess.

told u i'm into poetry songs now. (terime kasih ijan & katak sbb pengaruh aku. tak pasal2 aku layan puisi pulak. pasni kt tgk deaorg perform eh). fynn jamal & wani ardy terbaaaaaaik.





"dunia memang kejam, dunia macam-macam"

"siapa kita itu kita, cinta saja jiwa kita, kalau mereka tak suka, pergi mampos tak apa"



deep gile minah ni.

rindu.

tibe2 terdetik,

mcamane ye papaku nnti? bile smue dh kahwin, dh kluar rumah, living our own lives. sape nk jage die? kesian die sorang2. :(

ble pkir pasal ni, mulelah teringat pesan arwah mama dlu.

"Jaga papa tu kalau mama takde, tengok2kan abang, ozair."

dlu slalu menyampah bile mama cakap mcm ni. mcm dh confirm takkan lame. tp smemangnye die lebih tahu yg die takkan lame. sbb tu die pesan awal2. tapi hana buat2 tak dgr. sbb takleh terime. takleh terime dan taknak terime kenyataan yg mmg mama takkan lame. in denial. mase tu pkir, mama akan hidup lame sampai tue, sampai tgk hana berjaye, kahwin etc. kate pkir positif kaaan.

sedih bile teringat. rase mcm hana tak buat ape yg mama suruh buat. rase mcm hana tak mampu nk buat semue. rase mcm hana x dpt jlnkan tanggungjawab.

kdg2 boleh rase marah dgn tuhan. 'Kenape amik die dulu?', 'Kenapa tak amik saye dulu?'. tak suke takde mak. tak best. lagi2 sorang pompuan. tapi kene faham, takdir tuhan kan. everything happens for a reason. maybe nie care Tuhan untk jadikan myself lebih kuat, lebih matang, lebih sabar, lebih responsible, lebih appreciate orang2 yg tersayang.

rindu mama bulan2 puasa ni. rindu suara mama mengaji. rindu cium tangan mama. rindu dengar suara mama membebel membazir beli barang banyak sgt kat pasar ramadhan. rindduuuu.

sekarang hana yg slalu membebel. pfft. dh jadi mcm mama dh ni. scary. tp dh fhm what u've been through all this time. slowly understands what it's like to be a mother, walaupun tak jadi ibu lagi. banyak sgt pengorbanan, mkn dalam. patutlah syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu.

am still trying to give my best. rase mcm nk suruh papa kahwin. at least i know, later on, ade jugak orang jage papa sampai tue. and hopefully he has a chance to be happy again. :)

hopefully saye juge happy. :)


*

Dalam suatu riwayat dikatakan bahwa orang-orang yang telah meninggal, mereka datang setiap Jumaat pada bulan Ramadhan. Mereka berdiri dan masing-masing mereka memanggil dengan suara sedih dan menangis:

“Wahai keluargaku, wahai anak-anakku, wahai kerabatku, sayangi aku dengan sesuatu semoga Allah menyayangimu. Ingatlah kami, jangan lupakan kami dengan doa. Sayangi kami dan keterasingan kami. Kami telah diabadikan di penjara yang sempit, kesedihan dan penderitaan yang lama masanya. Maka sayangi kami, jangan bakhil kepada kami dengan doa dan sedekah untuk kami. Semoga Allah menyayangi kita sebelum kalian seperti kami.


Al-fatihah utk mama. Semoge dikurangkan penderitaanye dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 mulia. Amin..

musim kahwin ke ape?

nowadays, semua orang dah kahwin, nak kahwin or talking about kahwin. musim kahwin ke ape?!

a lot of my friends pun dah in the categories dah. munie is getting married january. aniem is planning to get married next year around april. shishi baru bertunang. ruby dah happily married, dh thinking of babies dh kot. my coursemates mmg dh ramai yg kahwin or nak kahwin. my closest niece, sofia just got engaged. and she's one year younger than me! aaaarghh ape smue nk kahwin ni?! tetibe rase jealous yang amat. boleh?

terus sms him "smue dh nak kahwin. nk kahwin jugaaaaak"

and he replied "insyaallah. doa syib murah rezeki, leh kahwin cepat :)"

ngahahaha. gatal gileee..

mmg tak ah. stabil pun tak. confirm ah lambat lagi.


i did the 'what date will u get married' quiz thingy kat facebook and guess what did i get?

NOV 25 2009.

muahahaha. tak bleh blah.

and the weird thing is, in his English class, the lecturer made an example of a sentence that said 'syib will get married in 3 months' which is..NOVEMBER! kebetulan la pulak kan. pfft. apekah petandanye itu? wallahualam.

scary je. dulu i was like "haa kahwin?! mudenye kahwin? resposibilites?! gile ah!". now it's like totally the opposite. i guess it comes with the age kot. or sbb mcm rase he's the right one. ke sbb tgk ramai sgt orang my age dh kahwin ni. haha. wallahualam.

dah dah. focus pada bende yg harus didulukan. study, career. jangan pikir kahwin. ur time will come, hana. insyaallah.

p/s: saye rase gambar ini sangat sweeeet.

15malaysia.com

15 cool short films from 15 cool filmmakers (promote pulak). looking fwd for the rest.

suddenly i'm into poetry songs

all because of an awesome indie musician, wani ardy. it's amazing how she could make a good song about LAMPU JALAN. sangat unik.

LAMPU JALAN

Banyak sudah
kedai lampu
aku masuk

Jika ada
yang berkenan
ku beli, ku bawa pulang

Tapi rata-rata
tidak tahan lama
fius terbakar, mentol pecah, wayarnya rosak

Kadang tiada apa-apa
cuma tiba masa
ia tidak sepadan dengan ruang dalaman

Hingga suatu malam
aku lihat dia
yang selama ini memang di situ
lain dari lampu yang lain-
bukan untuk dibeli,
bukan untuk dibawa pulang
aku mahu capai namun tidak sampai
tinggi, teguh, silaunya hebat
si lampu jalan

Blogku je ke ade problem? nape xleh edit and insert picture? grr.

note to self. note to all.

Sayang,
jangan kita susah-susah berusaha untuk membuatkan semua orang suka kita. Kerana kita juga tidak susah-susah berusaha untuk menyukai semua orang.

Serta,
jangan kita sungguh-sungguh cuba menjelaskan diri kita pada orang sehingga mereka faham seratus peratus. Kerana jika orang sungguh-sungguh cuba menjelaskan diri mereka pada kita pun, belum tentu kita faham seratus peratus.

We take things as it is. The keyword here is: redha. :)

- Wani Ardy (http://waniardy.com/blog/)

p/s: her songs best jugak.

layan la zee avi weih!

ok i fell in love with zee avi. right after i bought her cd. supeeeerrbb ah. layan thru youtube at first, then terus beli cd so that leh dgr dlm kete. mls nk download and burn. salute salute. layaaaan.

a little updates:

keje dh semakin busy. ade one project yg due this end of the month. so agak kelam kabut nk siapkan. best la jugak at the same time. buat 'kuih' je keje. ngahaha. as in cosmetic formulation. in this case, buat cream. malas2 lagi nk carik bilik sewa, plus hari2 ulang alik dh tak rase pape. rase mcm dekat je. kire2 pun actually belanja lebih kurang je since my car, viva, tak mkn minyak sgt pun. ulang alik ke menyewa sane, lebih kurang same je belanje actually. only maybe less penat la kot. and easier. tapi tah, takde perasaan pun. bukannye traffic jam pun. tgk camne la.

for the masters, most probably sambung la. tgh nk meng-apply pun. mcm best je. the ppl there pn sgt baik and my lecturer pun sangat la sporting dan happy go lucky. only now tgh searching for scholarships cuz tak sure ade geran ke tak. tajuk dh ade, nk buat proposal jelah.

oh, mocca is coming again! and i heard yuna is performing for the opening. october la tapi. interesting nk tgk yuna gak tu. cume the place agak tak interesting. tp mcm nk pegi jugak. hmm.

rase nk beli gitar and main gitar! serious dh lame tak main(mcm pndai sgt pun) since the strings of my dad's guitar dah putus. my brother punye pasal. gonna maybe buy the strings tak pun beli baru.

currently reading p.s. i love you. baru nk bace okeey. movie pn tak tgk lagi.

oh sudah puasa! Happy Ramadhan everyone! sorry kalau ade salah dan silap. Selamat Berpuasa!

oh my darling, honey bee
i have saved you and now that you're with me
we can make our own honey

Honey Bee- Zee Avi

a new job.

wash off formulation. emulsion. microspheres. vesicles charge. delivery systems. skin condition. penetration. surfactant.

..among the terms related to what i have to study and remember.

1st week of the job, i've been studying about the projects. turns out sangatla complicated rupenye the process of the cosmetics with the skin smue but sooo interesting. excited.

next week gonna start with a project. assisting an officer kat sane. will be a busy week. ade like 60 experiments kene buat complete with report smue in 3 weeks! ngahaha. hopefully tak penat sgt. with the driving ulang alik to enstek lagi. takdela jauh sgt actually tapi carik2 jugak la bilik sewa kat sane.

for the masters, gonna apply soon. at 1st, thought nk see how the job goes, experience doing the projects dlu then decide nk sambung ke tak. since the due date nk apply is 19th august, so my lecturer told me to ' apply je dulu..'. for now, agak interested la. bt see how it goes..

chaiyok chaiyok hana!

Laskar Pelangi

mimpi adalah kunci
untuk kita menaklukkan dunia
berlarilah tanpa lelah
sampai engkau meraihnya

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu
bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa
warnai bintang di jiwa

menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah syurga
bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa
cinta kita di dunia selamanya

cinta kepada hidup
memberikan senyuman abadi
walau hidup kadang tak adil
tapi cinta lengkapi kita

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu
jangan berhenti mewarnai
jutaan mimpi di bumi

menarilah dan terus tertawa
walau dunia tak seindah syurga
bersyukurlah pada Yang Kuasa
cinta kita di dunia selamanya

laskar pelangi takkan terikat waktu

a nice motivation song by Nidji. i likeeeee. although this song has been a while, baru menghayati the song after watching the movie 'Laskar Pelangi'. an inspirational story. nice one. :)

perasaan.

i have a feeling that i can't even figure out why i feel that way. susah nk describe and even susah nk share it with ppl because it's hard to understand. sndiri pun confuse. and it hurts to be confuse. but what i know is, it relates with my mum and the relationship i am in at the moment.

yes i am in a relationship. but before i can say how happy i am, it scares the shit out of me. and nobody understands. i keep asking myself 'why the heck should i be scared when i'm suppossed to be happy?'. i can't help it. it comes and goes every now and then. and that scary feeling leads to sad feeling. pfft.

i think a lot more about my mum when i'm with him. in fact, i think i was stronger before. sekarang asik sensitif je and i cry more often just thinking about her. and now rase mcm senang je kecik hati with everyone. family, frens. is that normal?

my friend said 'maybe u nak ur mum tau u happy skrg but she's not there. sbb tu u terase'. maybe she's right. but i think that's not the thing. it's just that when i care and worry about him, knowing that he cares about me too, reminds me of how much me and my mum care for each other, how i took care of her and how i was scared she was gonna leave me back then. maybe i'm scared to care about someone because i dont want the same thing happen again,to lose the one i cared so much. it's awful, seriously.

i always pray before that i'll find someone almost like my mum. sort of jadi pengganti. the one who could be there when i need someone, the one where i can feel comfort and the one who could actually take care of me. i find it hard to beleive that i actually found that person. and that actually another thing that scares me. that maybe it might not turns out the way i imagine it would be. bad experiences too give bad imaginations. i've only known him for a few months and i already can see the future of me with him. and i couldn't find one thing bad about him. how scary is that?! i dont know if i feel this way sebab baru di ambang2 permulaan relationship ke ape. but serious s**t, takuuuuut.

*sigh* sape yg slalu dgr pasalku mengeluh pasal ni, sabar jela ye. can't help it. :P

i'm thankful actually. bersyukur. at least, now i have a reason to smile. but i'm struggling to put away rase takut tu. and just go with the floow. whatever happens pun, i guess i have to beleive that everything happens for a reason.

only GOD knows what's best for me.

"EVERYONE IS SO IN LOVE WITH BEING IN LOVE, THEY FORGET ABOUT WHO THEY’RE ACTUALLY “FALLING IN LOVE WITH.” STOP FORCING YOURSELF TO FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW. IF THE RIGHT PERSON COMES ALONG YOU WON’T HAVE TO TRY, EVERYTHING WILL JUST FALL INTO PLACE. AND IT’S OK TO BE A LITTLE BIT LONELY FOR NOW, IT’LL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END."

updates..

1) lang tengah island trip was fun. altho i think perhentian is better. untuk ketenangan, or for honeymoon ppl, lang tengah is the place. sgt peacefull. for snorkeling, perhentian is much better. made a few of new friends while on the trip. sukeee.


2) i've accepted the RA(research assistant) post at UTM branch @ enstek. which is kat area sepang-nilai sane. that branch is doing a lot about cosmetics and that's y i wanted to try. keje dlu then see how it goes. if it's really sebati dgn diri (eceh), most probably smbungla masters at the same place. now i'm just figuring out wether to stay there or ulang alik je. cuak jugak actually. i told my fren this..

" i takut la i buat salah decision lagi "

" alaa. u're young. u're allowed to make mistakes and learn from it. try je laaa."

" kadang2 i rase mcm loser gile takde direction. org lain, mcm u, dh tau dh nk pergi ke arah mane. direction u. pastu org lak kate i memilih keje. mmg i memilih pun. tp i rase i berhak ape memilih. "

"yelaa mesti la nak yg kt suke kan. the way i see it, u ade direction. u're just a bit confuse. normal la tu. i'm sure everything will be fine. sooner or later u'll find ur way"

aaah it's nice to have someone supportive. thanks babe!

so it's official. i'm gonna start work next month. august.

3) something else is official. but i'm not sure if i'm ready to tell so much about this. bcuz i'm so afraaaaaaaaaid. so happy yet sangaat takuuut. and since it happen, i think a lot more about my mother. aneh. xtau knape.

4) sue, my dearie UTM friend is going back to Sabah for good! sediiiih. we might not see her anymore. went for a so-called farewell outing and we did a photoshoot. last time take pics together la konon. thanx to our photographer, mr biys bugs, for the lovely pics!



banyak gile gamba cantek2. sukeeeeeeeee! :)


so i think that's it for now. later!

what.is.wrong.with.me??

now i like looking at babies.



kenapekah??!!

24.

yesterday was my birthday. aaa 24 already. *sigh*

not so much celebration. just a simple dinner with the usuals at Frames Cafe @ TTDI Plaza on the night before. the place is nice, the food pun not bad. thanks korang! for the dinner and the presents. i so love the cupcakes. so cute!

on the day itself, sort of celebrate it with a friend. hang out je la pun, watch free movie and stuffs. later on, i had dinner with my family at the gardens @ OU. i love the place. the food is good, the place is cantik with the decorations smue, and the service is good too. venue for next event maybe guys?

thank u everyone! sob sob..dh tuee.. :(





sometimes, not fancy gifts or big celebration, but the simplest thing could be the sweetest thing ever. thank u for making me happy. :)

the weird feeling.

kesensitifan yang amat sejak kebelakangan nie. i don't even know why.

dengan everything that's been going on, senang betul emo. pastu slalu kecik ati with my dad and my siblings. family stuffs. malas nk cite.

this evening i went to my relative's kenduri cukur jambul of her newborn baby. it was the first time (i think) i hold a newborn baby. the minute she's in my arms, that very moment i saw the cute fingers,legs,eyes, smue la kecik cute gile babasnye, tah knape tah i have a feeling that..

i so wanna have a family and nak ade baby on my own!

weird. i never think like that. pastu emo sorang2 cuz i don't know when's that gonna be.

*sigh* i just wanna be happy.

the fear.

whenever i feel sad, lonely or confuse about anything, it always reminded me of my mum. because she always have better things to say. and she always supported me and giving me ideas even when i don't ask for it. whatever it is that my mum said, i always feel comfort. and i feel what i'm doing is right if she support it. semangat tu lebih if she's there because she always have faith in me. takde orang lain yang boleh faham and guide me thru everything including whatever decisions i make, my career directions, love life, semua la.

maybe i was too close to my mum and that's why i had a hard time trying to live life on my own. a few months after she left, i was lost. kalau boleh hari hari nk lepak with friends. and kalau boleh rase macam nk pindah closer to my cousins and aunties so i can drop by anytime easily. but there's a part of me yg ego jugak. i don't want ppl to see me weak. i want to prove to ppl that i'm strong and i can handle this. so i keep my feelings to myself. kalau sedih, i never really pergi mengadu to anyone because i think it's stupid to still complaining about it when i should let go. normally what i do is motivating myself. keep saying things like "u're strong, hana", "u can do this" and " damn it. stop complaining. be strong and move on, hana!"

i kinda have this phobia after what happen. i'm so afraid to feel that loss again. i don't wanna lose anyone that i love again. at least not now. bile-bile my dad sakit sikit, i try to make sure he checks with the doctor and eats his ubat. thank god my dad exercise regularly and eats right, takdelah risau sangat. sometimes, that fear kuat sangat sampai takut to actually be so close to anyone. or to fall in love.

i try to take it easy. make a lot of friends but takde pun yang close gile. the one who could always be there, anytime, anywhere. maybe ade je but i tend not to be close sangat. sbb dah malas nk layan bende remeh2. buat salah sket, kecik hati. terase hati la. ugh i'm sick of that already. kan senang if we just accept everyone as our bestfrens and no one will get hurt. i mean, i love all my friends and i know where to be at whenever they need help. that's what really matters kan?

i know this is stupid. the fear. but i can't help it. and it's true whenever i get closer to a guy, it freaks me out. like EVERYTIME. tapi tak tunjuk la kan. seriously, tak tipu. but like i said, i try to take it easy. ego la konon. padahal cuak nak mampos.

i never been so afraid in my life before. and it's different dengan perasaan when my mum was sick. takut tu lain dengan takut sekarang. i don't wanna feel that pain anymore. at least bukan dalam masa terdekat.

so i pray for my family's health. i pray for happiness. i pray that God give me strength to face all of this. living life the way it should be and leave the past behind. amiin..

a beautiful quote i found..

terharu bace. very meaningful.


Tak perlu mencari teman secantik Balqis, andai diri tak sehebat Sulaiman,

Mengapa mengharapkan teman setampan Yusof jika kasih tak setulus Zulaikha.

Tak perlu mengharapkan teman seteguh Ibrahim andai diri tak sekuat Siti Hajar

dan mengapa didambakan teman hidup bak Siti Khadijah kalau diri tak sempurna Rasulullah (S.A.W).

Bimbinglah dirinya, dan terimalah kekurangan itu sebagai keunikan, carilah kebaikan pada dirinya, dan bersyukurlah kerana dipertemukan dengannya, Tetaplah berdoa pada Tuhan agar dia akan terus menjadi milikmu.

i really have got to stop being choosy in jobhunting..

but i can't help it! *sigh*

and then there's a part of me that wants to study back pulak. cuz i'm afraid i'll never gonna find a job that i like. to study at UTM Skudai is an option (the course there is more like what i want) but dah settle down sini, gile malas nk pegi sane. plus, i keep thinking of my dad. sape nk jage wei. seriously rumah without me for a few days pun dah macam ape dah. my brothers mmg tak boleh diharap. can't even do one thing right. and NEVER think of my dad. grr. geram!

yes, i think too much. and yes, i am very very indecisive.

for now, keep on jobhunting.

there's a cosmetic course at MPOB this August. so interested to go. tapi why oh why la the fees so expensive. *sigh*

there are times when i'm out of control. i realize i didn't do the right things and i'll regret it later. sometimes i need someone to remind me all the time. it's pretty hard to be all by myself almost all the time. but i'm glad i still can think wisely.

i need to work. fast.

travel lagi!

ok. i know i just got back from perhentian. now ade plan pegi pulau lagi! pffft. padahal next week ade family trip to langkawi. haha. but i'm not so excited about langkawi pun. nuthin much interesting there for me. layankan my dad je cuz he wanted to go. and then my cousin suddenly ajak pegi Lang Tengah (in between perhentian & redang). contemplating gile babas nk pegi ke tak, and i finally said..YES! hahaha. hana hana..jalan je asik. cannot tahan la. i figure time tak bekerja ni la nk berjalan kan. ok last ni last, pastu duduk umah je saving duit. :P

so i'll be going to langkawi on 5th- 8th June. probably nk pergi kursus lagi kat UTM Skudai on 9th tapi tak sure lagi. and then i'll be going to Lang Tengah on 25th-28th June. pfft. gile betul aku ni.

and then that's it. tolong jangan ajak saya pegi jalan lagi buat masa sekarang. saya ni mudah terpengaruh. muahaha.

Kris Allen wins!

my favourite American Idol wins the show! although i think Adam Lambert is a better performer(for the competition), Kris was always my favourite. i think he has his own uniqueness in his performances and he's soo cutee! i love it when he sang 'to make you feel my love' and his own accoustic version of Kanye West's Heartless. way to go, Kris!

I miss Perhentiaaaaan

i had a lot of fun from the Perhentian trip. dah rindu the beautiful corals, fishes, crystal clear blue water. yg best dpt tgk turtles and sharks dekat gile depan mate.

still hearing the sound of waves. pukulan ombak masih terase. lol. looking fwd for the underwater pics.

next trip: redang/tmn negara!





p/s: saye dpt berita yg kelakar dan pelik. lol.

i just came back from JB (UTM) attending a short course on Herbal Product Formulation and guess what did i make..


a collection of cosmetics!

ok bukan exactly buat sniri la but we (the participants) do it together beramai2. "apa yg penting..kerjasama!" (haha wonderpets). those are body wash, cologne, massage oil, hair gel and slimming cream.

we also did foods. buat kordial,jem and coffee too. haha. the idea is to use herbs in the products. and i did learn a lot. the khasiat, the process, the methods, the formulation, everything.

during the course, i met a few of the researchers there too and i kinda get the idea of what they actually did there. mcm interesting la pulak. they even invited me to apply for a job there. tp tak tentu if i can get into cosmetics punye department la.

i am still hoping to get a job in the personal care industry cuz lg selari with what i want kot. being a researcher there mcm more to academics but i'll think about it.

apapepun, agak puas hati i went to this course. i did learn something. :)

Because You Loved Me

The best song by Celine dion i dedicate to my late mum.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love i found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand i could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and i stood tall
I had your love i had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe i don't know that much
But i know this much is true
I was blessed because i was loved by you

(chorus)

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

(chorus)


Happy Mother's Day, Ma. I miss u A LOT.

May u rest in peace. Al-fatihah..

selamat pengantin barruuuu..

ruby finally got married!!

yeap. from all us (UTM coursemates), everyone never thought she would be the first. Ruby the very gile2 type, gedik sket, maintain vogue tp she's not a typical girl. beleive it or not, she joined PALAPES mase kat UTM. and that's how she met Jerry, si pengantin lelaki. dari 1st year they were together, x sangke sampai ke kahwin dah.

the wedding was nice although delay lambat gile. supposed sanding 1.30pm end up sanding around 3pm. tp we all tunggu jugak semate2 nk tgk ruby bersanding. the baju was gorgeous, the pelamin was simple but sweet and ruby of course look so damn pretty.

so ruby, congratulations on ur wedding! we're all sangaaaat happy for u and kiteorg smue jeles ok!

charice the diva

charice pempengco.

i adore this young filipino girl. she's only 16 years old but her voice is superbly powerful and she has a very good showmanship. i was impressed the first time i saw her sing on Oprah's show. she started singing when she was 4 and started participating in lots of competition since she was 7. go check out her videos on youtube. thumbs up!

surprise surprise.

so i quit my masters. yeap u read it right. i quit.

i'm sure the big question is 'why??' kan.

well, it turns out this is not what i wanted to do. plus, when i registered before, i didn't think it thru. i think i decide too fast without thinking what really it is all about. and at that time, i was really just looking for any opportunity for me to just quit my job. bcause i hate it. except for all the good ppl la kan.

so far, i've learned that in chemistry there's several professions. research officers, quality control and formulation chemist. see, i'm more into formulation chemists. what i realize is i'm not into research sgt. or at least not now. it's complicated really. research is more into developing new things from whatever ade on earth ni. i think formulation have to be learned thru the manufacturing process and experience. the rheology, the cleansing properties, the foaming properties, yup these are what i want to learn. senang cite, by working in the industry. i also gonna attend the short courses on formulation at UTM. the masters programme there too kinda relate a bit to formulation. gonna find out more about that too.

i know. by now, ppl will go like, "macam2 la hana ni" or " rugi gile siot". well, i beleive i did the right thing. i'm not gonna waste 2 years doing something i dislike. and i don't see this as giving up as some ppl see it. i see this as choosing my career. if i'm wrong,..well.that's something i don't wanna think about right now. we have choices rite. life is all about trying and experiencing new things anyway.

as for now, jobhunting!! i know right now agak susah seeking for a job. ah well, pikir positive je la. while jobhunting, i read a lot about personal care products. trying to learn about the market and ingredients whatsoever. at least i'm doing something!

my advice to ppl yg terfikir nk amik masters, sile pikir betul2. don't do masters bcuz u don't wanna work. don't do masters bcuz u wanna have masters. don't do masters when u don't have a project in mind. and u gotta have a lot of passion if u wanna do masters. trust me. i've learned my lesson.

till then, wish me luck!

everyone needs a mother. mothers understand everything.

i too need a mother.

i miss having a mother.


When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night

For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter
through all the rain,
For truth that will never change,
For someone to lean on,
For a heart I can rely on through anything,
For that one who I can run to...